I was born again. Totally regenerated, made new, transformed, given a new heart, and all the trimmings. But my testimony isn't your average one. No, my testimony is more closely related to Paul's testimony-- the Pharisee of all Pharisees. He was perfect in meeting the requirements of the Law.
BUT
His religiosity was his god*.
Fast forward a few thousand years and his life would look like this:
He went to church, lifted his hands during worship, bowed his head in prayer, brought his Bible, was an extensive note-taker, did all the right things, said all the right things, was active in youth group, participated in every church function available, helped with the kids in the nursery - he even cleaned the bathrooms. He knew everything about church, knew everyone, and he was the perfect little Christian at home. Never drank, smoked, took drugs, or had premarital sex. His music of choice was solely Christian worship, and he never swore or talked back to his parents.
Perfect.
Little.
Angel.
And that-- THAT was me. Every single part of it was yours truly [taking a bow]. So, why, when we talk about being saved, does that refer to someone that my description could never fit? Why does an "unbeliever" automatically refer to someone who is totally "un-churched?" What does that even mean? Why can we not understand that someone like me has totally been made new? People think I'm crazy when I talk about this. And so, I just have to get it off my chest tonight. I feel like a total alien sometimes and it can have a tendency to make me feel a little crazy. I know what God did in my heart. He gave me a completely NEW HEART. What he did in me was exactly what Ezekiel talks about when he prophesies the coming New Covenant, made effective in Christ Jesus. He says,
"For
I will take you from among the nations, gather you out of all
countries, and bring you into your own land. Then I will sprinkle clean
water on you, and you shall be clean; I will
cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. I will
give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will
take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes,
and you will keep My judgments and do them. Then you shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; you shall be My people, and I will be your God. I will deliver you from all your uncleannesses. I will call for the grain and multiply it, and bring no famine upon you. And I will multiply the fruit of your trees and the increase of your
fields, so that you need never again bear the reproach of famine among
the nations. Then you will remember your evil ways and your deeds that were not good; and you will loathe yourselves in your own sight, for your iniquities and your abominations. Not for your sake do I do this,” says the Lord GOD, “let it be known to you. Be ashamed and confounded for your own ways, O house of Israel!”
-Ezekiel 36:24-32, NKJV
*If you don't know who Paul is, well, you're missing out! Paul was the apostle chosen by God to preach the gospel message to the Gentiles. His journey from start to finish is found in the book of Acts. He is also the author of 13 New Testament epistles (Romans, 1&2 Corinthians, Galatians, 1&2 Thessalonians, 1&2 Timothy, Titus, Ephesians, Colossians, Philemon, Philippians).
You are no alien, April. You are being made more like your Savior and King, who once noted that a prophet is only without honor in his hometown. It has also been said that familiarity breeds contempt. Those who know you tend to write you off. You're not the mysterious holy woman who only stops being a hermit long enough to utter some great word from God. You're the lady they've known for years or seen weekly for a while, and because of that you're easy to overlook.
ReplyDeleteI know it's painful, but take heart! Your Savior has been through the same and worse, and He is strong enough to carry you through it too! Only be faithful in your obedience. And as Keith Green would say, "He'll take care of the rest."
I am an alien, though. I am a foreigner passing through a land that is not my home. I'm just really feeling it a lot these days. And sometimes I'm more vulnerable to those feelings than other times. I guess tonight was just one of those nights.
ReplyDelete(tear)-your first paragraph knocked me off my seat. And-(ahem)-Amen to brother Matt! ;D
ReplyDeleteTHIS....is the testimony that IS overlooked. I agree with you...but to me, it's the MOST powerful, as it's the most deceptive to the world. We understand 'visual' sin, but not internal/heart religiosity flesh works sin.
Keep a sharin' your heart dear sister, as the Lord's doing a mighty work through every process of 'onion peelin' ;)....keep a sowin' and a plowin', and soon you'll be a reapin', and a reapin'!
(if not in this life, the next...and THAT's BETTER in His book ;)
Great post. If you haven't, check out this website (www.illbehonest.com) They have plenty of videos of people giving their testimony and that of the religious hypocrisy as you speak of. Find the link titled, "Testimonies" near the bottom of the page. I think you will be encouraged. The site is so good that I had 5,000 business cards made with its name written on it and I pass those out regularly. Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteThank you do much, Joe! I LOVE that website. At one point I exhausted all the testimonies on there and they helped to keep my head above water. One of my favorites is Charo Washer's testimony (Paul Washer's wife). I will go back on there because I'm sure they have new ones. Thanks for the great reminder!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Becky for your encouragement. I need those words more than you know.
ReplyDeleteTo say that a child raised Christian cannot have a Christian conversion is to say God cannot work with a fine chisel, that He is incapable of shaping someone from birth. It is to limit the power of God to both preserve from sin and transform a life at the same time.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Phil. Those words are very heavy, but very eloquent and full of truth.
ReplyDeleteThanks April. Last year I realized something very similar to you, when I wrote I wasn't nearly so complete as your post here, nor as... emotionally in touch, but I think it amounts to the same thing you are saying. "http://philipcomer.blogspot.com/2010/07/christian-testimony.html"
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the link to your post!
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for taking the time to comment, Phil. I appreciate that. This post was written on an evening when I was vulnerable to my feelings, so "emotionally in touch" would describe me pretty well that night! Haha!