aprilNandy

A Lesson in Loving the Unlovable

2012-01-03T09:25:00.000-05:00

Without the Holy Spirit wielding fruit in me, I cannot love (see Galatians 5:22-23). I cannot love as Jesus loves apart from the very One who is love indwelling me. God is love, I am not. Plain and simple. I depend on the Holy Spirit to continue the work that He started in me and carry it out to completion. Scripture says, "we love because he first loved us" and that if we love God we will love our brother (see 1 John 4:19-21). Elsewhere Paul says that Christ's love "compels us" and that we are not to regard anyone in the flesh, whether believers or unbelievers. In other words, we are to regard people according to the mind of the Spirit and not our human minds because the human mind looks on outward appearance (see 1 Samuel 16:7; 2 Corinthians 5:11-21). We are able to regard others by the Spirit if indeed the Spirit dwells in us. And the proof of the Spirit indwelling us is the love we have for others of the faith and the love that compels us to love all men, regardless of their profession of faith -- and especially regardless of our human feelings.

Christ-like love can be demonstrated powerfully toward those who do not love you in return -- or those who are difficult to love. We all have people in our lives who aren't as easy to love as others. If God is love -- if love defines Him -- then His Spirit is also love. And if His Spirit is inside you, then you will also love as He loves. Not perfectly as only God can do, but as much as humanly possible in a fallen and evil world. The perfect and divinely wise Lord has allowed a person like that into my life. This person is (at times) aggressive; other times uncouth, judgmental, and egotistical. He is in my life because he is one of my husband's best friends. When I first met said person, I constantly butted heads with him. He didn't like me; I didn't like him. As the years have passed, this same person is now one of my most beloved friends. So how can that possibly happen? People who don't get along just don't start getting along later on in life. When you have two strong personalities joined together, they will most likely repel each other, and it is impossible to find compromise when there is so much friction. The only answer is the Holy Spirit. I could go into even greater detail about the fights I've had with my husband over this person being in his life, or the raw condition of my heart back then, but suffice it to say that I really did not like him. I was convinced that he was a poor influence over my husband and that we as Christians were supposed to keep fellowship only with Christians (which would be a completely separate post in and of itself). Today I can say from a pure heart that the love I have for him and his fiancée is the very love of Christ flowing through me. This love is genuine because I know that I have changed -- and not to my glory, but to the praise of the glory of God's grace! And I guess that would be the greatest difference -- that my heart has been (and is continually) molded by the Creator of the universe. At times it is difficult to love him still and in those times I must remember to give grace as I have been given grace; to love much for I have been forgiven much.

Every time I am tempted to forego an opportunity to demonstrate Christ's love toward those I find difficult to love, I remember the piercing words of Jesus, as the Holy Spirit whispers in my ears, "'If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful'" (Luke 6:32-36, NIV). Showing mercy and kindness toward people who are ungrateful can suck the life-energy right out of you. But if our example is Christ, the greatest servant of all, then I can serve in love even when it is rejected, because then I share in Christ's sufferings. And if my prayer above all is "to know Christ and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings", being conformed into His image, then it is worth every ounce of painful toil and rejection, for He is my very great reward. May our love for Christ compel us and may we extend greater grace and forgiveness because of the greatest grace and forgiveness that has been freely extended to us in Christ.

A Star's Glory

2011-12-21T13:36:00.000-05:00

As I ponder the Christmas story this year, something keeps sticking out to me that I have not pondered much before, and I wonder if anyone could help to shed light on this for me. It is the mysterious star that the wise men knew pointed to the Messiah. This is only discussed in Matthew's gospel, chapter two.

The Visit of the Wise Men
Matthew 2:1-12 (ESV)

Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the east came to Jerusalem, saying, “Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? For we saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.” When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him; and assembling all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the Christ was to be born. They told him, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for so it is written by the prophet:
“‘And you, O Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for from you shall come a ruler who will shepherd my people Israel.’”
Then Herod summoned the wise men secretly and ascertained from them what time the star had appeared. And he sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search diligently for the child, and when you have found him, bring me word, that I too may come and worship him.” After listening to the king, they went on their way. And behold, the star that they had seen when it rose went before them until it came to rest over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. And going into the house they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshiped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh. And being warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed to their own country by another way.

The star is obviously significant. And what I find most interesting is that there was no specific prophecy about this portion of the story. We see prophecy fulfilled about Jesus - that He was to be born of a virgin in Bethlehem. But out of all of the prophecies that point to the details of Christ's birh, there is no mention of a Messianic star. These wise men were astrologers* and believed in God's Messiah -- so much that they traveled the longest distance to meet this "king of the Jews", to worship Him and lavish Him with gifts. I am just very amazed about this aspect of the story -- especially amazed because Jesus refers to Himself as the "bright and morning star" (Revelation 22:16). I'm certainly not trying to read into anything here in these passages of Scripture, but I am curious to understand more about this "star in the East" that these wise men knew would lead them to the king of the Jews. Look at the way they spoke of the star to king Herod. They say "we saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him." They actually describe the star as belonging to the Messiah, and this was how they knew to come. Could you imagine what was going through their minds as they searched the sky to find a new star they hadn't seen yet? What prompted them to follow the star? Even more curious to me is that they knew the star had such tremendous significance that they followed it all the way to Jerusalem, and went straight to the king. Why didn't the star lead them straight to Bethlehem where Jesus had already been born? My thoughts are that the wise men were also under the impression that their Messiah would reign as a political king, as was everyone else in that day (see verse 3). Jesus' birth was a stumbling block to the Jews because they were looking for a political savior. But God's plan all along was to become human -- Immanuel (God with us) -- and humble Himself to the lowest status.

After the wise men were told that the king would be born in Bethlehem, the star appeared again and stopped right above the place where the Messiah was. The star gave the wise men great joy (v. 10) and as soon as it stopped, they were able to meet their long awaited Messiah! My hope is that we have this much expectancy for the second appearance of Jesus when He shall soon return to gather His Bride. Are you joyfully expectant for your long awaited Messiah's return? He shall indeed return and soon we shall all look up and see that our redemption draws nigh.

[*The wise men could possibly have been either astrologers or astronomers, but it is not completely certain. It is important to differentiate between astronomy versus astrology. It is a healthy fascination to study astronomy in a general sense, but it becomes unhealthy when you look to the stars to dictate your life (astrology), which is divination. God created the stars -- the constellations and solar systems, and He calls them by name. He spoke them into existence! So, we must look to Him for wisdom and knowledge, and the best place to go is His Word. If you would like to learn more about this, please check out the YouTube videos of Rick Larson's teaching as well (a 7-part video teaching) as he incorporates Scripture to answer the questions about this divine star. Quite fascinating!]

Reflections on the Past Year

2011-12-01T09:28:00.001-05:00

Happy December to you!

Fall is my favorite season, but I dislike approaching Winter because I hate the cold weather. I live in Pittsburgh and the Winter months seem to drag on forever. Even so, before the weather changes we are blessed with a few weeks of Autumn - just a few. They are precious weeks for me personally, because I adore the radiant colors and crisp mornings. I love everything to do with Fall - especially pumpkin spice lattes and pumpkin spice coffee! :)

But my fondest Fall occurrence is our great Lord leading me to reflect on the past year of my life. This time of reflection has faithfully proven to bring refreshing, comfort and peace to my soul. I have times of reflection throughout the year, but more-so in the Fall than any other time. I reflect at great lengths -- not only for refreshing, but also for further refining. It is in times of reflection, where I see how far I've come, that I also see how far I have yet to travel on this narrow road to Christ. I see a vast ocean of mystery of the knowledge of Christ right before me and I know that I have not even begun to dip my feet into that ocean's shore at all. I have not even barely scratched the surface. I will never fully know Him, but what I do know of Him keeps me hungry and yearning for more.

I pray that we will be filled with the Holy Spirit and that we will experience the depths of the rivers of living water within us -- the living water that is Christ Himself in us, the hope of glory! God bless you, brothers and sisters in Christ. May you be filled to overflowing. May you yearn for Him and desire Him. May you delight in Him, your greatest joy.

Journal Entry

2011-11-11T18:13:00.001-05:00

Can I be frank with you about something? Well, I'm going to anyway. Ready or not, here I come. I'm ready to shake up your perfect idea of Christianity.

I was born again. Totally regenerated, made new, transformed, given a new heart, and all the trimmings. But my testimony isn't your average one. No, my testimony is more closely related to Paul's testimony-- the Pharisee of all Pharisees. He was perfect in meeting the requirements of the Law.

BUT

His religiosity was his god*.

Fast forward a few thousand years and his life would look like this:

He went to church, lifted his hands during worship, bowed his head in prayer, brought his Bible, was an extensive note-taker, did all the right things, said all the right things, was active in youth group, participated in every church function available, helped with the kids in the nursery - he even cleaned the bathrooms. He knew everything about church, knew everyone, and he was the perfect little Christian at home. Never drank, smoked, took drugs, or had premarital sex. His music of choice was solely Christian worship, and he never swore or talked back to his parents.

Perfect.
Little.
Angel.

And that-- THAT was me. Every single part of it was yours truly [taking a bow]. So, why, when we talk about being saved, does that refer to someone that my description could never fit? Why does an "unbeliever" automatically refer to someone who is totally "un-churched?" What does that even mean? Why can we not understand that someone like me has totally been made new? People think I'm crazy when I talk about this. And so, I just have to get it off my chest tonight. I feel like a total alien sometimes and it can have a tendency to make me feel a little crazy. I know what God did in my heart. He gave me a completely NEW HEART. What he did in me was exactly what Ezekiel talks about when he prophesies the coming New Covenant, made effective in Christ Jesus. He says,

"For I will take you from among the nations, gather you out of all countries, and bring you into your own land. Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them. Then you shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; you shall be My people, and I will be your God. I will deliver you from all your uncleannesses. I will call for the grain and multiply it, and bring no famine upon you. And I will multiply the fruit of your trees and the increase of your fields, so that you need never again bear the reproach of famine among the nations. Then you will remember your evil ways and your deeds that were not good; and you will loathe yourselves in your own sight, for your iniquities and your abominations. Not for your sake do I do this,” says the Lord GOD, “let it be known to you. Be ashamed and confounded for your own ways, O house of Israel!”

-Ezekiel 36:24-32, NKJV

That is what he did in me. And those verses I underlined should be totally baffling. It makes no sense that someone like me, the perfect little poster child of Christianity would experience this. So, does that make my testimony invalid? Am I not credible for saying that I was a Christian, but now I'm a true Christian? I apologize to all of you out there who are reading this and hinting a tinge of bitterness. I do not intend to convey that kind of a tone. I am just trying to understand why I have to feel so rejected in this a lot of the time. I'm not even seeking for human approval, just affirmation of a valid and genuine work of God in my life from the people I love most. And what do I get? Disapproval and tossed aside as if what I have to say matters little to their worldview. What I have to say shakes up your world a little bit-- at least if you were like me, raised in a professing Christian home, living a life close to what I described above. And so I pen these words tonight not out of frustration or bitterness, but out of brokenness and longing to be seen as I truly am and not as an alien.

*If you don't know who Paul is, well, you're missing out! Paul was the apostle chosen by God to preach the gospel message to the Gentiles. His journey from start to finish is found in the book of Acts. He is also the author of 13 New Testament epistles (Romans, 1&2 Corinthians, Galatians, 1&2 Thessalonians, 1&2 Timothy, Titus, Ephesians, Colossians, Philemon, Philippians).

Ultimate Empathy from the Ultimate Sufferer: Finding Jesus in Suffering

2011-11-10T14:37:00.001-05:00

The topic of suffering has come to my mind much in these last few weeks. I have been praying about what it is I am to write about this. I have struggled with this myself, because I almost feel as though this post has no place in American culture. Suffering? What does that look like for people who have it all? And while I have had my fair share of bitterness, largely due to the overwhelming majority of the sheer selfishness of Americans, I conclude that there is a great amount of suffering that takes place in America.

Loss of a child or loved one. Grief. Sorrow. Sadness.

Spiritual suffering of the saints. Persecution. Opposition. Oppression.

Adversity. Pain. Sickness. Disease.

So many times this topic has breached my own selfish thoughts. I have known suffering, but not to the likes of many people. But my heart is exceedingly compassionate toward those who walk through the fires of adversity - one circumstance after another and another. I know what it feels like to be knocked down and beaten down by one thing after the next, where there is no end in sight and hope grows dim. So, anyone out there who is suffering in any way, I assure you that I feel the weight.

But can I assure you of something else? Something that is much greater than the words of any finite mind to muster: Jesus Christ is the ultimate sufferer. His life was marked by "grief and sorrow." He is the suffering servant that Isaiah prophecies about hundreds of years before his birth (see Isaiah 52:13-53). Amidst our pain; amidst the trials and tribulations we encounter, we have the most powerful and beautiful display of God's love for mankind: Jesus Christ, the sin-bearing, chosen Servant of God. He was chosen to bear the sin of humanity; chosen to be held accountable and found guilty of sin against a holy God, although he "knew no sin" and became sin in order that we would be reconciled to the Father (see 2 Corinthians 5:21). This is how God chose to demonstrate his love for us that "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." While we were sinners - enemies of God - and guilty of sinning against him, Jesus died FOR us to satisfy the wrath of God against sin. The holiness of God demands justice for sin and justice should be served to the guilty, right? Right. Only Jesus wasn't guilty of sin. But in order to fulfill all righteousness, he was obedient unto death, even death on a cross. Perhaps this is something we will never comprehend fully because it goes against every reasonableness of man's wisdom. The cross is "foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" (1 Corinthians 1:18).

Therefore, if anyone knows suffering it is Jesus. He is the only one worthy to be called the "Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world" (see John 1:29). Jesus did not lose his divinity in becoming like us. He was still God and human flesh at the same time. That is utterly and completely baffling if you really think about it. It is a complete paradox! The God-man. And yet this is God's way of salvation. We cannot comprehend fully what God sets forth to accomplish (see Ecclesiastes 3:11, 14-15; Isaiah 55:8-9). He offers us salvation and we must either reject him or receive him with complete faith and trust that he is who he says he is. And let me tell you my friend, he certainly IS who he says he is! And that is why we can run to him when we are afflicted, beat down, suffering adversity, or just trying to keep our head above water. Jesus welcomes us and invites us to cast ourselves at his mercy seat, Jesus Christ. And because of Jesus' sufferings, we can know that our own suffering is perfectly understood from the one whose ultimate suffering paid the price for the sins of men (see Hebrews 4:14-16)!

The New Testament epistles speak into the sufferings we endure. And while we in America do not likely endure persecution for our faith (which is an ever increasing trend), we endure much adversity and suffering in this life. We can find comfort in knowing that Jesus empathizes with us in our weaknesses! We can also find comfort in knowing that what we as Christians endure in suffering, is what Christ himself suffered when he went to the cross. Peter speaks of this when he encourages believers to "not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange things happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy (1 Peter 4:12-13). These words should achieve sheer comfort in the life of a believer. When we are afflicted, our comfort is found in the word of God. And although at times it may feel like we have lost all hope, we cling to him who is our only hope: Jesus, the eternal Word! Paul's letters from prison serve as a humbling example of the suffering he endured, for he pens "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed...So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18).

In closing, what do we gain by succumbing to the "light momentary affliction?" We must understand that these things we face on this earth are NOT eternal! We will not carry such pain and affliction into eternity, so why do we fix ourselves upon it? Why are we almost despairing when we possess a perfect, imperishable inheritance that has been waiting for us to take hold of when we enter our eternal home in heaven?! We have the promises of God's word and yet we do not fix our gaze upon them. In other words, we have the answer right in front of us, but refuse to be set free by the truth. It is my prayer for you as well as for myself (because I'm preaching to myself here) that we will pursue a firm grip on God's promises to his saints in his word. Where else can we have such assurance of our eternal inheritance? Nowhere! Stand fast, my brother or sister in Christ! Do not be beat down by these light and momentary afflictions! Christ is coming and we shall take hold of our imperishable inheritance as children of God very soon. Let us run this race together, serving and encouraging one another all the more as we see the Day approaching. Grace and peace to you in our Lord Jesus Christ!

Wayne Grudem on the Person of Christ

2011-11-07T10:17:00.000-05:00

It is by far the most amazing miracle of the entire Bible-- far more amazing than the resurrection and more amazing even than the creation of the universe. The fact that the infinite, omnipotent, eternal Son of God could become man and join himself to a human nature forever, so that infinite God became one person with finite man, will remain for eternity the most profound miracle and the most profound mystery in all the universe.

-Wayne Grudem, Bible Doctrine: Essential Teachings of the Christian Faith, Conclusion to chapter 14 - The Person of Christ.

Restless and Utterly Dependent

2011-11-04T14:10:00.000-04:00

Surely, this Christian life only becomes a greater awareness of the utter and complete dependency we have on our Lord and Savior. Jesus commanded that his disciples abide in him and the warning we perceive is that if there is no abiding, then there is nothing we can do at all, for "apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5).

How great of an awareness do we have of this lack of ability to do anything in and of ourselves, apart from Jesus, our Vine? Are we clinging ever so tightly to him? Christian, cling to him! He is all we have. Yet his return is immanent! Do not weary in well doing, for we shall surely have our redemption at the consummation of his return. We shall soon look up and know that our redemption draws nigh! Yes, soon and very soon!

May this momentary, light affliction be not what we look upon. For we must cling to the truth in God's word! We live not for this life, but for our eternal home. All of this earthly dwelling is temporary and passing away. Nothing will last into eternity except that which is eternal in our pursuit. Our good works in faith must occupy an eternal mindset. If we are not eternally minded, then we will quickly and easily become distracted and stained by this present age. For our true religion is that we care for the orphans and widows and also that we remain unstained from the world (James 1:27).

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

The Day She Will Never Forget: Guest Post from My Sister

2011-10-21T11:03:00.001-04:00

The following is my sister Laura's perspective of what I wrote about in this post. Sit back, relax and immerse yourself in a powerful testimony of God's grace and care of His children. I trust you will be blessed by reading her testimony! Take it from me, it's a pretty cool story!

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget August 10, 2011 as long as I live. I now have a different perspective on the old cliché, “God works in mysterious ways!” After you read how my day unfolded you will understand that God truly works in mysterious ways and holds each of his children in the palm of his hands. This is my testimony of the fullness of God’s grace in the time of trial and the blessings that began to overflow.

I spent the summer of 2011 in the last trimester of my pregnancy with my third son, Ethan. It was a difficult trimester because it was dreadfully hot and I was experiencing a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. I don’t remember ever having Braxton Hicks with my other pregnancies and with this one they were awful. I work as a server in a restaurant and sometimes when I was working on my feet they would get really bad. It was scary too because with my second son, Nicholas I delivered very quickly and I was constantly walking on eggshells thinking that any moment I could go into labor.

On Wednesday August 10^th we woke up later than usual. I was grateful that my boys let me sleep in. I asked the boys if they wanted to go to the park because they really needed to get out some energy! I called my mom and asked her if she wanted to meet us there and sent a text to my friend Ruby to see if she wanted to bring her boys too. We all headed out to the new Black and Yellow park in South Park located conveniently 5 minutes from our house. We got there around 12:30 pm and the boys immediately started running around and having fun. I sat down with my mom and Ruby and my sister Tiffany came too. She sat down and started to draw and we all chatted as we watched the boys play. I sat there thinking how happy I was that a group of older boys were there to play with Christian who is 9. The older boys were running around ducking and dodging and playing tag. Little did I know that my day was going to take a turn…for the worse and then work it’s way around in full circle.

We were at the park for about 45 minutes when I saw Christian walking over to me. His hands were out at his sides like he was shrugging and on his face read the expression, “What just happened!?” His head and hands were covered in red. I thought the boys were joking around and had dumped Kool-Aid on him but as he got closer I realized it was blood and his head was split COMPLETELY WIDE OPEN! I jumped up so fast I tried not to look alarmed. I immediately cried out to the Lord for help and asked him to calm me down so that Christian wouldn’t get upset. My first instinct was to grab his head and push it back together. I remember praying over him in words I didn’t even understand. I was trying to keep it together. A woman I didn’t even know called 911. My mom was praying and holding his hand. Ruby ripped off her shirt and I grabbed it holding onto his head to stop the bleeding. Another man proceeded to give Ruby his shirt and a retired police officer came over to us and began taking info on a piece of paper to give to the Paramedics when they got there. I called my husband and told him to meet us at Children’s Hospital. I remember saying, “Christian hurt himself really bad. Meet us there.”

It felt like the ambulance took forever. Ruby and I looked at each other with fear in our eyes. This is so bad. I didn’t know what to think. I felt like I could lose my child. It was the worst. Feeling. EVER. I never want to feel that again as long as I live. I know that the Lord was holding us because I somehow managed to keep it together even being 9 months pregnant. During this whole ordeal before the ambulance came Christian never lost consciousness and was completely coherent. The Lord was working a miracle.

The ambulance came and whisked us away to Children’s Hospital. Christian was scared but never once did he cry. He never shed a single tear. When we got to the hospital he told me he was just “trying to live.” I tried not to cry when he said that. I literally had to fight back tears. We talked about how people were praying for him while we were riding in the ambulance. I just knew it. I told him how when I was little we would always pray for the sirens when we heard them. I found out at our first MOPS meeting that my fellow MOPS Mom, Dedi, was coming into the park as the ambulance was leaving and she was praying! When we got to the hospital three different doctors saw him and then they called in a plastic surgeon. He had a Cat Scan to make sure his head was ok and there weren’t any skull fractures or anything more serious. After all of that we found out his head was ok internally - no fracture or anything serious (except the laceration across the top of his head). They would be able to put him in a twilight sleep and perform his surgery right there in his room in the ER. We waited for a few hours and we watched Nickelodeon and tried to joke with each other. At 5:15 the nurse came in and said that the plastic surgeon would be able to come in at 6:30. After the surgery they would monitor him and then we would get to go home. We even all decided that we were going to stop and get ice cream on the way home. I proceeded to call all of my family to let them know what was going on and called Ruby who was watching Nicholas (thank God for wonderful family and friends).

At about 5:45-50 I looked at Rob and said “I don’t feel so good.” He told me to take a walk around so I headed out to walk and find a bathroom. I thought this might make me feel better. I came back to the room and just still didn’t feel right. I started to pray and plead, “Lord, I can’t go into labor now. Please! My son is in the ER waiting to get his head sewn back together!” The Lord obviously had a different plan. Before I knew it I couldn’t even stand. I told Rob to go get a Nurse. I needed to lay down. I started to panic and get scared. I can’t have this baby now! Ethan had other plans too. I could feel him coming down and my contractions were one on top of the other. Before I knew it I was on a bed made for a child being wheeled out of Christian’s room in full blown labor. I felt like I was in a dream. Rob called his Mom who worked right down the road to be with Christian. They wheeled me into an operating room in the ER and I’ve never seen so many medical personnel in one room. Nurses were trying to get my shorts off and they were asking me so many questions I don’t know how I managed to answer them. I remember a nurse saying, “it’s ok! We can do this!” At 6:19 pm Ethan Robert Danzuso made his grand entrance into the world in the ER at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh. A family practitioner delivered him. She was amazing. Two nurses held my hands throughout the whole ordeal encouraging me while my husband was right behind me. I couldn’t believe this whole scene. I just delivered at Children’s Hospital but at least I was in a hospital! I was so scared that when I finally went into labor that he would be born at my house or in my car.

I cannot possibly put into words how amazing the Lord is and how he orchestrated this whole day. He truly does hold his children in the palm of his hand. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things that God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.” I have never felt such emotion in my whole life. I go from my oldest son having a serious injury to bringing a new life into the world! When Ethan and I finally made it to Magee Women’s Hospital people couldn’t even believe what had happened. We were the talk of the whole hospital. My family came later and Rob and my in-laws brought Christian when he had been discharged. My handsome little man was such a trooper. He had over 20 staples across the top of his head but out of it all he got a new little brother. We all told him that Ethan just had to come out to make sure that he was ok!

With my whole family surrounding me that night I looked at them and said, “ Sometimes God just needs to show off!” That’s exactly what he did that day. The Lord took my fear of a traumatic delivery and turned it around to show me how completely divine he truly is. Christian is a walking testimony to how faithful the Lord is. Today, Christian is doing well and is completely healed. He has a special bond with his little brother and a pretty cool scar across the top of his head to tell the tale. We now all have a different perspective on the mysterious ways the Lord decides to work. All of my children are miracles and I am so blessed with a wonderful husband and three handsome sons. After this experience I don’t think anything could top it! Our family is healthy and complete and we are now just looking forward to many more adventures with “our three sons!”

Doctrinal Disagreements and the Internet

2011-10-19T10:04:00.000-04:00

On Monday I started a new class: Basic Christian Doctrine and the Holy Spirit. Our main text book is Wayne Grudem's condensed version of his Systematic Theology-- Bible Doctrine: Essential Teachings of the Christian Faith. It will be an intense read, but I'm really excited.

This week one of our class discussion board questions is "Why do you think there is so much disagreement among Christian believers about [doctrine]?" After reading the first few chapters in Grudem's text, we're supposed to have an answer to that?! Well, I can't possibly diagnose the disease out there, but I can bring some thoughts to the table of this discussion and that I did. Here was my response. I'd love to hear what your response would be.

Wouldn't ya know that this has been the very question rummaging through my mind over the last several weeks. I think on it often, actually, and it has always stumped me. I have to take myself back in time to my own ignorance of the Scriptures and give people more grace. But I can't help but still be totally baffled when I witness so much disagreement amongst professing Christians. To be honest, I don't have the slightest clue as to why this happens, although I am not naive in thinking that everyone can agree on everything, and then sit around the campfire and sing Kumbaya. All I know is that Satan and his angels sure have a heyday messing with us and our doctrines. If Satan can distract us long enough to keep us preoccupied with which eschatology belief is correct, then he sure has won a great battle in distracting us from the gospel.

My observation from being immersed in the Internet world of Evangelical Christianity (via blogs, websites, podcasts, etc., etc.) has proved that people are more interested in feeding their intellect with their head knowledge instead of loving people and being filled with the Holy Spirit. There is a great value in having discussions, but it becomes unfruitful and irrational when those people don't have a teachable spirit or the slightest amount of humility to admit any wrong or to see from another perspective. I've seen more detriment on the Internet than face-to-face, because people are more apt to speak their mind. It's easy to hide behind the keyboard and let loose with the flesh. I have witnessed very little those who actually live the Bible. And it certainly translates even through the unseen Internet realm.

Finally, I think that people within the church who disagree or don't have much to say in regards to doctrine are where they are because they don't take the time to pursue the knowledge and wisdom in understanding. They rely on the preacher or someone else. There is a serious lazy spirit out there in the church-- something that I have to fight within myself all the time. I know that others must struggle with it, or just give in to it.

Our discussion boards are sometimes limited to 200 words or less. I obviously went well over 200 words, but this was the most condensed version I could muster without writing a book. Haha! I have plenty more thoughts where that came from and quite frankly I am heartbroken by the reality of these disagreements. What I read in Scripture sometimes completely counteracts what I see with my eyes-- especially on the Internet. It is the most precarious place to discuss theology and doctrine (or anything else for that matter), and yet the easiest target for unfruitful words that cause severe damage to not only the ones involved in the discussion, but possibly more-so to the readers. I'll close this post with some advice in Internet conduct-- take it or leave it. I hope you take it and know that this post is coming from a sincere heart that breaks often by what is seen around me-- Internet or in person. I am not perfect. I don't have all the answers. But I know that wisdom is found when we seek the one true God because He doesn't just have wisdom-- He is wisdom. I pray that we will "seek [wisdom] like silver and search for it like hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lordand discover the knowledge of God.For the Lord gives wisdom;from His mouth come knowledge and understanding" (Proverbs 2:4-6).

Pray always. If you disagree and you can't think of a comment that will translate with love, then prayer is the best choice before anything else. In fact prayer is the best choice, period!
Be wise-- know when to keep your mouth shut-- especially when your emotions are leading you instead of the gentleness and love of the Holy Spirit. Know how to recognize this in yourself.
Be aware of the reality of non-verbal communication. Your tone of voice and intent will NOT be perceived, unless you truly know the person you are talking to. Even then it is wise to choose your words with caution, because miscommunication and misunderstanding are sensitive and can easily occur when you can't actually hear what is being said.
Be sensitive to other readers. They are real people with real feelings.
Be thankful that the Internet allows you to take your time before you respond!

[Check out this link to see a fine example of a more fruitful non-verbal theological discussion. This is a link to several articles in which two friends with two very different theological perspectives read Rob Bell's new book Love Wins together. They break down each chapter and discuss it together via email communication. This link is the conclusion, but it contains each article from the beginning. I would encourage you to check it out, even if you haven't read Love Wins because like I said above, it is a great example of how we can actually discuss our views in an appropriate manner through non-verbal communication.]

The Song in My Heart Today

2011-10-13T10:58:00.003-04:00

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him,

and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,

And with my song I will praise Him. -Psalm 28:7

It is amazing how one moment we can feel God's presence in such a real and tangible way-- how we can hear His voice so loud and clear, like the magnificent sound of a clap of thunder-- and then in the next moment we're taken aback by something drastic enough to cause pain and grief, taking us to a depth of emotion we have never experienced before.

Today that is how I feel.

Even so, I have peace that is truly God-given.
I have comfort from the Holy Spirit.
I have joy in God's presence and worship flooding my heart.

I have love-- because I am loved by God and because His love is what defines me as a person. His Holy Spirit is so real to me right now in comfort and peace and I know I will be okay. I know that God sees the bigger picture of my life and He asks me to trust Him. He asks me to love Him with all my heart, mind and strength, and that is what I desire to give Him to the best of my ability.

I have questions.
I have heartache.
I have sorrow-- deep sorrow.

But I'm not demanding the answers or the removal of my emotions. I'm responding with trust and worship and that is beautiful. I can't help but know that I'm writing this today for a reason. I'm writing this not only to process my own emotions and circumstances, but to speak life and encouragement into someone else's heart. Very rarely do I write a post amidst such fresh and fragile emotions, but today I felt led to do so. Whoever happens upon this page today must know that you are so deeply and intensely loved by our Lord that you could never fathom the depths and strength of that love.

His love is perfect.
His love is pure.
His love is kind.
His love is gentle.
His love is peaceful.
His love is incomparable.

May today be the day that you know His love afresh and anew-- and may that love transform you. That is my prayer and the song in my heart.

The Bridegroom and His Bride

2011-10-01T20:42:00.000-04:00

Back in April I had a dream. I wrote it out, but as I usually feel when I have dreams like this, I didn't understand it fully. After some time has passed, I believe that I have more of an understanding today. I'd like to share it because I believe it is a strong warning for the church as the imminent return of Christ draws nigh.

In my dream I was with a group of women and we were all in a wedding party. We were all preparing for the wedding by beautifying ourselves; toiling over our make-up, hair, etc., so we could look as close to perfect as possible. After the others finished preparing, they didn't have need to continue preparing, so they all sat around a table and were eating and carrying on as if they hadn't a care in the world. I specifically remember them playing card games.

Meanwhile, as they were playing games, I was led away and tempted to spend time with another man who was not my betrothed. Funny thing is my closest friend was okay with it and she kept telling me it was okay to spend time with him for a little while; that there was no harm in doing so. I don't remember if I actually did spend time with this other man or not.

As dreams go I remember that I was then transported to a different place. It was here that I realized it was actually my wedding! I was so happy to discover this because I knew I was about to marry the Love of my life. At this point I was already dressed in my wedding gown -- a beautiful white gown with lace. It was very elegant. I looked down and noticed that some black mascara had somehow gotten on my dress! I was devastated and didn't know how to get it out. And then next I know, I'm in front of a mirror trying to cover up blemishes on my face with concealer and all kinds of make-up, but nothing was working. I was trying so hard to remove/cover them up, but I became extremely frustrated because I couldn't do anything to remove them or even hide them. I continued to labor in preparation for my wedding ceremony and then the dream ended.

In the first part of my dream, you see that I am with a group of women who are all in a wedding party. This immediately takes my mind to Matthew 25:1-13, when Jesus illustrates who will be welcomed to the wedding feast when He returns as our Bridegroom. The wise virgins who were prepared were the ones who were on time and welcomed into the marriage supper of the Lamb. As for the others, they were foolishly unprepared and missed the Bridegroom's arrival. And because of their foolishness, they were not given entrance into the wedding feast. This parable warns us to be like the wise virgins who were prepared and ready to meet the Bridegroom when He arrived, because His arrival was not determined. If you are unprepared, then you will not have a second chance.

I believe this first part of my dream represents many people who profess Christ and attend church, but are Pharisees. These people are outwardly beautiful and seemingly godly, doing everything "by the book", but inwardly are dead and completely lost without the true knowledge of Christ. These people will toil laboriously to cover up their imperfections so as to be sure their true nature will never be exposed. And in regards to playing card games, a wise friend of mine told me that this represents "the 'games' people play when it comes to their faith and how some people 'play' church really well when in reality they have no relationship with the Lord."

The second half of this first part represents people who have made their profession in Christ and believe that because they prayed a prayer and gave their heart to Christ, that there is nothing left to do, so they just live frivolously thinking that they took care of their salvation and can live as they please. These people are sorely mistaken. True Christians understand that they are still being saved (see 1 Corinthians 1:18) and must live in the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit -- that any good work they do flows out of a natural response to what God has done in regeneration by giving them a new heart filled with His Spirit.

I believe my temptation to spend time with another man who was not my betrothed represents our weakness as humans to be led away from the One we truly love. As Christians, we absolutely will face temptation. We must learn to recognize temptation for what it is and not be deceived. James tells us that "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, 'God is tempting me.' God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death." Temptation will come, but learn to see it for what it is and do not succumb to the lust and deception that it truly is. Learning to see temptation for what it is takes time as we grow in the Lord. It takes power from the Holy Spirit to overcome the flesh (see Romans 6-8).

Finally, the last part opened my eyes to see the meaning of Ephesians 5:25-27. It is here where Paul describes that Jesus, our Bridegroom is preparing His bride. We see that "...[Christ] gave Himself for her [the church] to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless." I am so excited by this! You see, in my dream I was working so hard to remove the blemishes and stain in my wedding dress. I became entirely frustrated because I realized that nothing I could do would take away the ugliness of that stain and those awful blemishes. When I woke up, I knew that this was about Jesus. This is the gospel! Jesus is the only one who can remove those stains and blemishes.

According to the verses in Ephesians*, HE is the one who does the work to perfect His bride -- NOT the bride! There is nothing we can do to take away our sin. Jesus alone can give Himself for the church. Jesus alone can make her holy and cleanse her from sin. Jesus alone can "present her to Himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless." Do you understand this? Sin stains us and the effects of that sin spread, creating gaping holes and blemishes that are irreversible. It is impossible for us to do anything about this, but God through His Son Jesus, makes it possible and only He can do that! My friends, this is the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ! Have you heard? Have you been transformed by the power of this gospel? I plead with you today that you will heed the warnings I spoke of above and that you would see yourself, repent of your sins and turn to Christ who alone can remove the stain and blemishes of sin. He is your only hope!

[*Side note: The context of the verses in Ephesians is Paul's comparison of Christ and the church (Bridegroom and Bride) to marriage between a man and a woman. The husband represents Christ to his wife and the wife represents the church (bride). This is one of the most beautiful passages of Scripture in understanding marriage -- its beauty and significance in God's purpose from the beginning. I intend to write more on this in the future, but I wrote a little bit about it here.]

The Bible: Our Sacred Treasure?

2011-09-26T14:46:00.000-04:00

If you know me by now, you know that the Bible is my sacred treasure. I could not imagine not having the Bible to get me through each day. But there are people all over the world who don't have access to God's Word.

A few days ago I was listening to our local Christian radio station and they were campaigning to raise money for the Bible League, an organization on a mission to send Bibles to Africa. The Bible League also sends Bibles to other third-world countries like Asia, South America and the Middle East. I have heard them raising money for this cause before, but this time I felt stirred in my spirit to contribute. I began to evaluate my own dire need for the Bible and I can't really think of a better cause to contribute! There are many great causes out there, but this one just reaches down into the depths of my soul's passion for God's Word. I am grateful beyond words' expression that God has gifted me with access to His Word. I have countless resources at my fingertips - from study Bibles to online resources, I seriously can't keep track of the unlimited access I have to God's Word all day, every day. And to think that these third-world countries don't even have access to a Bible? My heart breaks into a million pieces and I wish those million pieces could somehow turn into God's Word for these people to snatch up and dig into.

I can't remember where I heard this, but I think it was David Platt in his book Radical. When he visited China to teach God's Word and distribute Bibles, all the Chinese people wanted to do was pile into a tiny room with a single light bulb for illumination, and gather around God's Word, listening and soaking it up like a sponge. They were hungry for God and they knew they would be able to feast upon the only Bread of Life - the Word - Jesus Himself in the written Word of God! When I heard this I was brokenhearted because I have never heard of this happening here in America, nor have I ever been around a group of people who hungered and thirsted for God like this. You will find more people in America who want to stimulate their intellect with a theological debate/discussion than hunger and thirst after righteousness. And I know this saddens the Lord deeply. Do you love God's Word because of your passion and love for Jesus in saving your soul? Or do you prefer feeding your intellect? I challenge you to examine yourself in this area and repent for hungering after your own pride in knowing the Bible because you're "smart." Don't forget that the wisdom of the wise is foolishness to God. If you think you are wise - think again. God alone is wise. But if you ask God for His wisdom with a pure and humble heart, He will grant it to you freely (see James 1:5-8)!

As I read that story, I longed to find people here in America that love God's Word like this - that recognize the sacredness and treasure that is the Word of God. I know there are people who do, but it is rare to taste this in a group setting - at least where I am from. How about you? I feel that the church in America is ever growing to conform to the trends of the culture, instead of hunger for truth in God's Word. It has been a long time since I've heard a preacher tremble at God's Word because it contains the purest words of all - the words of Yahweh, the great I Am.

These kinds of stories stir my heart deeply, instilling a passion to be a missionary myself some day. I have sensed this desire for a little while, but it is hard to see that it will ever happen. I do hope in God and know that all of my heart's desires will be given to me by God because I delight in Him. I believe that with all of my heart! But I also believe that what I envision that to look like is most likely going to be carried out very differently. I realize that I do have my own mission field right here and now, but I desire to travel to third-world countries as well. I think I would feel more at home than I do here at home. I know that sounds strange, but one of the deepest passions of my heart is to participate in fellowship with like-minded people who love Jesus and want nothing but to feast on His Word together in one accord. I will donate to the Bible League and wait upon the Lord to see if He will have me travel to different countries in the future. For now, my mission field is my own back yard and I am okay with that.

A Prayer and Piece of My Heart

2011-09-21T13:27:00.000-04:00

I fear that my fiery passion and love for You has dwindled dramatically. I can't even remember the last time I felt Your presence or felt true worship from my heart. Oh Lord, please hear my plea. I am Your child and Your servant and You - Jesus, YOU are my strength and my song! I have felt defeated. Deflated. Extinguished. I know that only You can heal my heart, Lord. Only You can purge off the dross of sin, open my eyes to see more clearly; sharpen my hearing. Even in all of this muck and mire of what makes up my heart, You see only beauty. How can that be, Lord? And how can I be freed to comprehend this more fully? Oh I need to know freedom in Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

Jesus + Nothing = EVERYTHING!

It is finished.

YOU bore my sin.

Adultery. Lust. Hatred. Bitterness. Jealousy. Covetousness. Pride. Selfishness.

These, You took upon Yourself ---> the joy that was set before You ---> In order that I can stand before the Father, blameless, entirely justified. But Your cross is even more than this. Open my eyes I want to see Your cross. I need to know You more deeply. Fill me afresh with a longing for Your holy name. Ignite my heart with holy zeal. Oh Lord, only You know what this heart needs. Please humble me, and chastise me -- help me to know that I am Your daughter. Prepare for me an intimacy that I have never known with You.

2011-09-15T14:26:00.000-04:00

It's been nearly a month since my last post. Let's see...what has God been up to in my life lately? So much! He is always working. Thankfully we serve the Almighty God who never slumbers nor grows tired. He is always working on our behalf. His work is not always visible, and when we suffer, it is even more difficult to see Him and sense His presence. Oh but is He ever near to the one who suffers. He is so close at hand that all you have to do is just lift up your eyes. Even if you haven't the strength to do that, His grace is sufficient for you. His power is perfect-- all the more so in our weakness.

Right now...

My heart is being stirred to press on and search for God. I feel as though I will never rest until I am with my Savior in paradise. I think that is a good thing though.

And...

I am continually seeking for the Lord to teach me in all things. One area in my life that has captured my heart is in prayer. I love to pray, yet I feel that I can never pray enough or communicate everything that is on my heart with words. Even at that, I know the Spirit groans within me and prays on my behalf when I am weak with words. I'm thankful for that because this has been an area in which I have struggled for a long time. I fail in it every single day, yet I am given sufficient grace for each day I have life-- grace that sustains me-- that no matter how much I think I've failed to pray adequately, God still upholds me. Each day the sun rises over the eastern horizon, I have a fresh start and clean slate to serve God wholeheartedly. I am not always able to have this mindset, though, and that is why I must rely on God's grace.When my flesh and my heart fail, the Lord is my strength and I depend on Him.

So...

Let us take heart, brother and sister in Christ. No matter where you are on this journey, we are walking together and we need each other to encourage and uplift our faith. You may be walking with abundant joy, feeling refreshed and renewed in the Lord. You may be feeling anxious or depressed. Or maybe you feel abandoned and lonely. Wherever you are-- whatever your feelings-- God is constant and He invites you to find refuge in Him. Our dependence is on Him regardless of the season we are in. Our dependence is on Him especially regardless of what we are feeling.

My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever -Psalm 73:26

Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart,

All you who hope in the Lord -Psalm 31:24

The Great Shepherd and His Sheep

2011-08-19T12:48:00.000-04:00

The book of John is by far the most famous of the four gospels, with descriptive phrases concerning the person and nature of Jesus, such as "the Bread of Life" or "the Vine". But perhaps one of my most favorite descriptions of Jesus would be "the Good Shepherd", found in the tenth chapter of John's gospel. As Jesus does most often, here He speaks figuratively of a shepherd and his sheep. He is speaking directly to the Pharisees and it is obvious that they did not understand Him. He goes on to explain that He is the shepherd and that His sheep know His voice, follow Him and will not follow a stranger, thief or robber.

Yesterday I was reading through some of the Psalms and found some incredible references that fit nicely with Jesus' teaching of Himself in John 10. Psalm 118, pinnacle of the Passover Psalms, which also contains messianic references throughout, is a psalm of declarative praise. It is called a Hallel psalm, which means praise in Hebrew and is where the word hallelujah is derived. I love this psalm because it focuses entirely on the greatness, majesty, glory and power of God, extolling Him above all, exalting His Kingship and giving comfort to God's people-- His sheep. This would be a great meditation psalm- just to dwell on the glory of God in His sovereignty over our distresses. Smack dab in the middle of this psalm we see two verses that cross reference John 10:7-9.

"Open to me the gates of righteousness; I will go through them, and I will praise the LORD. This is the gate of the LORD, through which the righteous shall enter" (Psalm 118:19, 20)

Jesus IS the gate (John 10:7). He is the One by whom we shall enter-- the Door that opens to us in order that we may go through it and praise the Lord for His saving grace and faithfulness-- the Door opening to His sheepfold. All others are thieves and robbers that only desire to "steal, kill and destroy" the sheep. These thieves and robbers can come in many forms-- a lot of which have an "appearance of godliness, but deny its power" (see 2 Timothy 3:5) and therefore try to deceive the sheep. They do not enter by the door, but come in another way (v. 1).

I have heard John 10:10 spoken a lot over the years growing up in the church. I'd say every time this verse is quoted, it is used as a threat-- so to speak-- and interpreted to only accredit Satan as that thief and robber. Yes there is truth to that, but Satan is not the only thief and robber that this verse is referring and so it is commonly taken out of context and used as a sort of defense mechanism against the Devil in spiritual warfare. Again, that is all true, but instead of blaming everything on the Devil, we have to realize that those thieves and robbers come in all shapes and sizes; beautifully packaged and adorned with deception. We also have to read the surrounding verses and see that "thief" is mentioned first in verse 1 and it is linked to the word "robber", which is important. The next time we see these words linked together is in verse 8 and Jesus says that "All who ever came before Me are thieves and robbers", which is a direct reference to the Pharisees, whom Jesus is addressing here. I do find it interesting that verse 8 is the only time we see these two words in their plural form. But we have to understand that while Satan is the greatest thief and robber, seeking to destroy and devour the sheep like a roaring lion (1 Peter 5:8-9), he is not the only thief and robber we must be on guard against. We must be awake, alert and watchful, discerning the circumstances and people around us, and making Jesus our sole trust and dependency.

Consider also that we see a few more different words* to describe people who try to deceive the sheep into listening to their voices instead of the voice of the True Shepherd. In verse 5 we see the word "stranger" which is "not necessarily a thief and a robber. Sheep would not follow a stranger's voice even if he used the shepherd's call and imitated his tone." Also in verse 12 we see the word "hireling" who "is a hired shepherd, a mercenary, who tends the flock for his own interest. When a hired shepherd sees a wolf coming he flees, not caring about the sheep" (Quotations in this paragraph from the NKJV Study Bibles notes on John 10:5, 12). I find it interesting to say the least what these notes said in regards to the ways the sheep are put to the test. Ultimately, if you are one of Jesus' sheep, then this passage will bring comfort like nothing else. When God's sheep are put to the test-- whether by way of circumstance or the need to make an important decision, or anything else, there is comfort in knowing that the Great Shepherd is leading regardless of the details surrounding the time of testing.

So if you are one of Jesus' sheep and find yourself being tested, hearing many other voices around you-- whether they are strangers, thieves, robbers or hirelings, the True Shepherd's voice is heard above all of them and this is the promise we have as His sheep-- "My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me" (v. 27). Another familiar passage concerning the Great Shepherd is Psalm 23. I love that we are compared to sheep. Some people take this offensively, but I take it as pure comfort and peace, knowing that I am divinely protected because I tend to be fearful or distressed at times. My NKJV study notes on verse 2 say, "Any disturbance or intruder scares sheep. They are very fearful animals and cannot lie down unless they feel totally secure. green pastures: David uses eloquent language to express his view of the abundant care God gives to His people. still waters: Sheep are afraid of fast-flowing streams. God's provision of still waters has a soothing effect and calms the sheep." So the true sheep of Jesus will read this and find complete peace in knowing that when we are fearful or disturbed, our Shepherd will give us peace and confidence that He is protecting us and leading us where we are meant to go.

Take heart and find refuge in Jesus because He will lead you. He has already gone ahead of you in order that you will follow Him. Read this today and take every single detail of your life, place them all at the foot of the cross where you can find mercy and grace in your time of need. He invites you to do so. He also invites you to find rest in His green pastures and still waters-- the well of Life that will never run dry.

[* I did not mention the wolf here, but this is also another term used in reference to people who try to deceive God's sheep. I hope to write a post in the near future that speaks more directly to the hirelings and wolves. Stay tuned!]

The Non-reality of Reality TV & Truth in Reality

2011-08-18T13:21:00.001-04:00

Appearances are deceiving and I have to constantly remind myself of this truth all the time. As cliche as that phrase is, it is indeed the truth. I recently found myself bitterly reacting to a "reality" TV show. I had to shake off the moment of my bitterness and smack myself in the face and say "are you seriously getting all bent out of shape about this?!" (I didn't really smack myself in the face, but you get the point) "Reality" TV is far from reality. In fact this is probably one of the best examples of the phrase "appearances are deceiving."

I was reacting to Kate Plus 8 when it was recently announced that TLC was cancelling the show. My instant reaction was that of relief because I can't stand Kate. I can't stand her because of the opinion I've formed of her as a result of her performance on the show. There is so much I could say to air my opinion, but at the end of the day what would I gain from slamming someone I don't even know? You see, it is so easy for us as the reality TV show viewers to feel like we know these people that we see on TV, but we don't really know them. We are completely clueless. More than clueless- we are completely ignorant. Think about yourself for a moment and the things you struggle with on a daily basis, then multiply that times a million and we may have an idea of the battles these people face. [Insert tangent: In no way is this post meant to defend Kate Plus 8 or any other reality TV show out there. Quite the contrary, actually. And to be perfectly honest, I don't even watch Kate Plus 8 regularly-- I rarely watch TV at all. I'm just not interested in it and would rather be reading or doing other things of more value- like spending time with my husband or family]

Anyway, last night I was reading through an old journal from the summer of 2009. It was at this time that Jon and Kate Plus 8 would soon become only Kate Plus 8. The news of their divorce shattered my heart and compassion flooded my soul on behalf of the pain they were dealing with. I cried out to God on behalf of their marriage and even wrote about it in my journal, expressing how deeply it affected me. As much as it was aired on TV, think about the fact that there are still so many details that we as the viewers cannot even fathom- so many unspoken problems and battles. And yet, we think we know them and are so quick to speak our mind and our opinion about their marriage and decisions. When I heard about Kate's show being cancelled, I found myself saying the very things that I despised hearing from everyone else's opinions of her and that family-- as if I know what is best for Kate and have her all figured out. I am a complete ignorant imbecile to have even thought that! I was one of the many people who wanted to speak my mind and freely express my own opinion about her so-called "reality" TV show. I'm completely ashamed of that and wondered to myself as I read my journal last night, "why am I so different than what I expressed about them two years ago when I was broken-hearted for their divorce?"

What I just confessed can be applied to our relationships on all levels-- what I perceive about someone is not at all close to what their reality is. I am guilty of this every single day. Guilty of thinking someone is doing well when in all actuality they are not well at all. Another part of this is our tendency as humans to not want someone to think negatively, or judge, and that is one reason we can so easily pretend like we're "just fine" when what we really need is to just talk to someone and be real about it. There is a natural fear of transparency and I understand this all too well. I've learned though, that so much of my own own inner battles can be won just by talking openly about them to someone else- someone I trust. I'm not saying I have the answer to how unreal we can all be a good amount of the time, but I am saying that it is really important to be real. If you're having a bad day and someone asks how you're doing, tell them the truth! Be honest about it and transparent about yourself. You'll begin to see that people appreciate when someone is real with them instead of acting like they have it all together. Let's be real: you don't have it all together. None of us do. Let's get over our opinions of one another and pray for more compassion and love for each other. Please pray for Jon and Kate and the Gosselin children. They need our prayers, compassion and love more than anything. Let us not be consumed by our perception because perception is not reality.

[[Also, if you feel like you don't have anyone you can talk to, then my prayers are with you. Know that you are not alone in the way you feel and in what you are struggling with and I pray that the Lord will send you to a place where you feel safe, loved and welcomed to speak truthfully with complete honesty and transparency.]]

"God Got to Show Off": Aunt Weeble's Perspective

2011-08-11T11:34:00.001-04:00

Never before have I had so many emotions well up inside of me in such a short time than I did last evening. I had planned on meeting a friend to go to hear another friend give her testimony at a church close to my parents house. Earlier in the day I received a phone call from my mom (around 2pm) that my 9 year old nephew "had an accident" but she thought "he should be okay." Never at one moment did I think that anything would go awry. I was totally at peace, knowing that everyone was okay and that I'd be able to see them the next day and love on my nephew. Little did anyone know what would happen next.

A little while earlier Christian had been running around like a normal 9 year old having a blast at the park on a beautiful Wednesday afternoon. Laura (my sister; Christian and Nicholas' mom), mom, and other sister Tiffany were all there together. I was at work of course (I miss everything!). This playground is brand new-- maybe about a year old or even less. Christian and Nicholas were reveling in happiness as their feet pounded against the wood chips covering the playground floor. Nicholas is Christian's younger brother and they seem to rile each other up sometimes, right mom (wink, wink)? Christian decides run underneath the bridge and he soon realizes that the bridge is no match for his height. Nope, the bridge won out and he walked away feeling a little weird. He touched his head and brought his hands down to see that he was bleeding. Profusely. He started to walk toward Laura and as you can imagine she wasn't exactly overjoyed to see him with blood gushing from his head. Thankfully, and undoubtedly soverignly placed by God, everyone around them helped in any way imaginable. There were no towels so Laura's friend gave her shirt to put on Christian's head, an ex-police officer was there helping as well (he ended up leading the way for my mom to follow him to the new Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh). Police arrived moments after a call was placed; the ambulance not much longer after that. The events fit together perfectly as if it was already planned out. Laura's friend was able to take Nicholas with her while Laura rode in the ambulance with Christian. My mom and Tiffany followed quickly behind and Rob (Laura's husband) was already at the hospital when they arrived. Did I even mention that in all of this Laura is 37 weeks pregnant?! [Big smile]

They arrive at the hospital. Christian handled the situation surprisingly well-- he didn't even shed a tear! He never lost consciousness, knew who he was, where he was and was entirely alert for the whole thing. Now that they're at the hospital, everything will be okay. You would think that is enough action for one day, right? Wrong! What comes next will absolutely shock your socks off. Surely there is no lack of drama in our family! While they were waiting for the plastic surgeon to see Christian, Laura begins to feel some discomfort. They've been sitting for a little while and she was just beginning to relax a little bit after the tension and anxiety of what had just happened to her son. Little did she know, she would be finding herself in a room filled with doctors giving birth at a hospital that specializes in taking care of children-- not mothers!!! Hey, at least she was at a hospital, right? The doctor that was there to deliver baby Ethan was a woman named April-- go figure! The entire staff was incredible and their kindness far exceeded anything she had ever experienced. The staff isn't exactly prepared to deliver a baby every day, but they were that day. Ethan was born at 6:19 pm after Laura began to feel a little "off" around 5:45.

While this is happening I am driving to pick up my friend and I call my mom for an update on how Christian is doing. While I'm on the phone with my mom I receive a text from Rob saying "So this is an exciting day...baby Ethan just graced us...:-)"! I'm absolutely flabbergasted. A million questions begin to flood my mind and emotions capture my heart-- so many emotions and thoughts I couldn't even think straight! I felt elation for Laura, horror for Christian, shock, joy, and compassion all at the same time!! I literally couldn't wrap my mind around it. Plus, if I was feeling this way, I couldn't even imagine what my sister was feeling!! I immediately change my plans and head down to the hospital with my family. Laura was taken by ambulance from Children's to Magee, where they could care for her more adequately.

Leaving the hospital I was overwhelmed. Ethan is a precious miracle. Christian's accident was not an accident to God and Laura was safely kept in the care of kind and loving doctors who rushed to her aid instantaneously. Christian's head will heal in time, praise God.

This story reminds me of God's sovereign hand in our lives. Laura was actually in the hospital a few days earlier thinking that Ethan was about to arrive, but was sent home because he just wasn't budging. She was afraid that she wouldn't get to the hospital in enough time because Nicholas was almost born in the car on their way to the hospital, so she knew she could very well have another fast birth on her hands. But God allowed for her to be in a safe place at just the right time. I'm overwhelmed by God's goodness; His loving care for His children, and the amazing blessing and miracle of the birth of a child. I am blown away. As we were leaving the hospital last night Laura said "God got to show off today!" Yes, Laura, yes He did.

Abandoned

2011-07-26T09:21:00.002-04:00

I know by the title of this post it may initially sound discouraging, but this is meant for encouragement for my brothers and sisters in Christ. If you are facing an affliction, know that at times it feels as though the Lord has abandoned you. Your emotions and feelings will sometimes speak louder than the comfort of the Holy Spirit and I just want to encourage you to do your best to lean on the Everlasting Arms of your Savior at this time. It is an immensely difficult road to travel when you are afflicted-- whatever it may be, whether depression, illness, oppression, anxiety, or anything else.

I have not talked much about this on here, but all my life I have battled depression of various degrees of intensity. Sometimes I have no feeling. Other times I am overwhelmed by feeling and emotion and it causes me to spin into depression due to the intensity of the emotion that is overwhelming me. It seems to rear its ugly head when circumstances are bleak, but that is not the case 100% of the time. Regardless, I want you to know that I understand affliction-- even if you are experiencing something completely different, you are still not alone.

Take refuge in your Rock! I pray that these scriptures will encourage and uplift your soul at this time. RUN to the Truth of Jesus in the Word of God. It is there where you will find mercy and grace in your time of need. You will not find mercy and grace anywhere else but the Throne Room of Yahweh through the blood of Jesus Christ.

Psalm 62, Psalm 27:1, 118:6, Psalm 119:71-72, 74-76, Romans 5:1-5, Hebrews 5:14-16, James 1:2-4, 1 Peter 5:8-11

Where Do You Abide?

2011-07-25T12:52:00.001-04:00

This year the Holy Spirit has been working in my heart, teaching me about the importance of spiritual growth. The last several posts have been about growing up spiritually and seeing how important it is to God according to the book of Hebrews. We must not take this lightly or be lazy in our devotion to the Lord. Our sanctification is the will of the Father and Jesus prays that His disciples would be sanctified by the word of God, which is the Truth (see John 17:17). True disciples do the will of the Father and will enter the kingdom of heaven (see Matthew 7:20-22). And we cannot do the will of the Father apart from abiding in the Vine, Jesus Christ, through the Holy Spirit of Christ in the Word of God. We must abide in the Vine*!

Last night I wrote an essay for school on Jesus' teaching in Mark 7:1-23. Here Jesus is correcting the religious leaders and their so-called man-made traditions that were turned into doctrine. This legalism has continued to spread like a gangrenous spiritual infection throughout the church (at least from what I have observed in my lifetime here in America). It is sad, but we create a list of do's and don'ts that we call doctrine, turning it into a religiosity of magnitude proportion saying "this is how to live the Christian life." YES, as Christians we are called to be holy-- set apart and sanctified unto the Lord, living "in the world but not of the world" as the common cliche says. This is the truth. But when it is so massively distorted that it no longer looks like Christ, then there is something seriously wrong. Christ came to save sinners, not people who are good enough because of how they live their life. No one is ever good enough. It is an impossibility that only one man has trumped-- Jesus Christ Himself. That is what makes our salvation so beautiful. And that is why Jesus says "not everyone who says to me 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven" (see again Matthew 7:21).

A few verses earlier in Matthew 7, we see that those who know Christ will bear fruit and that the ones who do not bear fruit will be recognized by the lack of fruit in their lives. This is how we live "in the world and not of the world"-- especially within the church! We can go back to Hebrews when the author tells us that spiritual maturity is wielded "for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil" (5:14). I don't know about you, but it just doesn't make sense to me when someone claims they are a Christian but the evidence of the fruit of the Spirit is nonexistent. You must abide in the Vine! The cultivation of spiritual maturity is wrought by the Holy Spirit in the life of a true disciple of Christ-- one who is in constant practice to discern good from evil. What does constant practice look like to you? Do you call yourself a Christian but never seek God for "a Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better" (see Ephesians 1:17)? I pray that you, dear reader-- especially the one who is comfortable in knowing that you have made a profession of faith a long time ago and have "taken care of your salvation"-- would be filled with the knowledge of Jesus by the power of His Holy Spirit, and that you would never be the same again. The mark of a true Christian is the one who bears fruit. Take a moment and pray. Ask the Lord to search your heart and help you to examine your life. Know that this could be a matter of life and death-- eternal death. Plead with the Lord that "Christ be formed in you" as brother Paul Washer says regularly.

For those of us who are Christians, myself included, we must be trained by constant practice to discern good from evil. We live in an evil time, and in order to remain set apart from the world, our constant practice comes from a life of abiding in the Vine. If you have become complacent and dull of heart, I urge you to plead before the Lord today and ask Him to renew your spiritual vitality-- that He would strengthen you by the power of His might and that you will bear fruit worthy of your salvation.

[[*See also John 15, when Jesus teaches the disciples about abiding in the Vine. This is a crucial, yet beautiful passage for the ones who are truly disciples of Christ. When we abide in the Vine, we are also chastened by the Holy Spirit. This can be uncomfortable and difficult, but this also is the mark of a disciple and child of God (see also Hebrews 12:1-13). I pray that we would seek more earnestly for the power of God to be present in our lives every day, and that we would be conformed more into the image of Christ and less and less into the image of the world]]

Growing Up: Part Two

2011-06-28T14:07:00.000-04:00

Previously we looked at Hebrews 5:11-14 and noticed that these verses speak out loudly (and offensively) against spiritual immaturity. The section heading of these verses in the ESV translation is A Warning Against Apostasy. In my NKJV study Bible it is Spiritual Immaturity. That really makes me think even deeper about the severity of this topic and that in essence spiritual immaturity can end up leading you to a deliberate falling away from faith in God. Please learn with me as we look deeper into these verses.

Again, we read that "solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil" (v. 14). What is solid food versus milk? Notice the important word in this verse signifying who the solid food is for-- the mature. Milk is for babies-- those who are infants in their faith; or in other words, the spiritually immature. Let me give you an example from my own experience to help understand this concept better. When I was first converted I couldn't put down the Bible. I didn't keep track, but I probably read through the New Testament at least 5 or 6 times within the first 9 months of my new birth. I was a baby and needed to ingest the Word, allowing for that spiritual hunger to be satisfied. I couldn't put it down! I was all over the place, soaking it up like a sponge. I began to mature right away. I found myself going from infant to toddler in a matter of maybe a year/year and a half. So think of it this way-- when your toddler says something randomly, out of the blue that takes you off guard, it is because they are in that stage where they soak everything up like a sponge, absorbing your words or the words of others around them. A few days later you hear shocking words coming out of their mouth and are either amused or completely mortified at what they said! Again, the same goes for us. As spiritual toddlers we are absorbing the Word and understanding only a small portion of what we are ingesting. This has been my experience, at least. Yours could be totally different and that's okay! I guess the main point I want to make in sharing my story is that there are different stages of spiritual maturity. We aren't born into complete knowledge and understanding of God in His Word. It takes time and discipline to keep learning, keep growing and keep seeking for more knowledge of God.

And that brings me to what I talked about in the first post: discipline. This is where I am right now. When I first started out (as I spoke about above), I was all over the place in my reading of Scripture. I didn't follow a reading plan. I didn't have the slightest inclination what a reading plan was, even. I was so hungry for God that I spent hours each day reading different devotionals and articles I found online while searching for anything God-related. I signed up to receive countless email devotionals so that I could be absorbed in God's Word every day, all day long. After about a year or so, I felt the Lord leading me to *unsubscribe from those emails and draw from His wisdom alone to know and understand the Word. That is definitely not to say that I don't use other resources, because I do! And I think they are useful in my pursuit of growth, but they are not what I depend on. I depend on Jesus, the Living Water, who is the infinite source of wisdom, knowledge and understanding that I can glean from (see Colossians 2:3). And now I am learning to be disciplined in my quiet time. It's not comfortable at all. I prefer my current method of study, but as uncomfortable as it is, I know I need this discipline in my life. I don't know what it all looks like right now, but the Lord is ever so gently taking me out of my comfort zone once again and training me.

The mature in Christ have learned to be trained by Him to yield fruit worthy of the upward calling in Christ Jesus. He trains us in righteousness and teaches us how to discern good and evil. But as the author of Hebrews specifies, it takes constant practice. We must therefore always be in a season of growth, saturated in God's Word and being renewed daily in prayer as well. This post didn't dig as deep as I had intended, but I hope it has helped you understand about the importance of growing. I hope to write more posts in the near future that dissect even more of the Scriptures we've been talking about and add some more to chew on as well.

[* Please know that I do not think that email devotionals are for those who are spiritually immature. Only you can know your growth in the Lord. If He has used specific email devotions to speak to you and grow you, then absolutely allow Him to do so! If not, then pray and see where He would lead you in your quiet time. Please also know that as I grow, my hunger for the Lord only increases. As I am learning to wield discipline in my study/quiet time, the Lord continues to allow me to hunger for more of Him. His grace surely is my sustenance. I encourage you to fall at the feet of Jesus where you will find mercy and grace in this season of your life. If you must repent, do so and do not delay!]

Growing Up

2011-06-24T09:30:00.001-04:00

I love to write. I've talked about this before on here, but writing makes me think about God. When He changed me, writing my testimony, recording every detail in pen, on paper, was important to me. To say that it was important, even, is an understatement. I was compelled. Gripped. Like couldn't-find-paper-fast-enough-to-write-down-what-I-was-feeling kind of compulsion! I would write on anything I could find (thankfully I had easy access to paper even though it was loose paper).

Lately though, writing has been less than a compulsion. There is no comparison. The discipline God is wielding in me is not fun. I would rather Him do it all for me! Who wouldn't?! But then how would I grow and learn? I wouldn't. Those beginning months when I was first born again were incredible. I constantly think back on that time and reminisce on the dramatic way God got a hold of me. I couldn't possibly describe that time of my life with words. We try to use words to describe the glory of God and they are just so shallow and dull! Nothing could describe Him. But my heart knows and I will do the best I can to describe that time as I continue to declare the glory of God in my life!

So what I'm getting at today is that it is important for us as Christians to grow up in the grace of our Lord (and believe me when I say that my growing up in the Lord involves much more than discipline in writing!). We can't stay babies forever! Think about it in physical life. When a baby is born how often do we hear a mom say "this baby isn't growing at all!" We never hear that! More often than not we will hear "they are growing up so fast! I wish it would slow down a bit!" So it is with our spiritual life. When we are born again, we are babies and we can only handle so much of God in His Word. Peter puts it this way-- "Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation" (1 Peter 2:2, emphasis mine). Thus is the mark of a babe in Christ. But this is not where we should remain (see 2 Peter 1:3-11 for the evidence of this growth). We must grow up! If we aren't growing, then we haven't put on our new nature and need to be treated as babes again. How insulting is that?! As adults, who would want to be spoken to as a child? Yet this is exactly what the writer of Hebrews is referring to when speaking about the mystery of Christ as our atoning sacrifice. Talk about insult and offense. Let's swallow this:

About this [see verses 1-10 for context] we have much to say, and it is

hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. For though by

this time you ought to be teachers you need someone to teach you

again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not

solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of

righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature,

for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant

practice to distinguish good from evil. -Hebrews 5:11-14 (emphasis mine)

This is really heavy and weighing on me as I write this. And I think God's Word speaks for itself. This is a difficult truth to swallow; so are you living on milk instead of solid food? Because if you are, then you are unskilled and lack discernment. To be trained to discern spiritual matters or "the basic principles of the oracles of God", takes CONSTANT PRACTICE. Only the Holy Spirit can wield this into someone who has been born from above. But it is the will of God! And even though it is painful at times, it is the most beautiful experience we could have this side of heaven while we wait for the arrival of our King.

Earlier in Hebrews we see the warning to not let the heart be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin-- in particular the sin of unbelief (see 3:12-19). So these verses in chapter five point back to chapter three. If we have unbelief, then we are in danger of apostasy (deliberate falling away of faith; which is the section heading of the verses I referenced above from chapter five). I will stop here before this post turns into a short story, but I will pick up where we left off in the next post, because I think this needs addressed in relation to where "the church" is today in America. From where I sit, I don't see a lot of depth in relationship with the Lord as evidence lived out in the lives of some of the people in my life. In the past it has brought me a lot of fear. But now, I am being strengthened to do my best and speak out against this lack of spiritual maturity we see so much today.

God Always Provides by Paul Washer

2011-06-20T14:21:00.000-04:00

This one shook me up a bit and I couldn't help but cry through the first half. Oh that we would depend on Him-- that we would really know what that means and let go of the confidence of the might of the flesh. We are nothing apart from Him and we cannot see His power if we are dependent on our own flesh. We have no power without Him! Do you realize that? Want for nothing except for HIM.

The Great Change—Conversion by Charles Spurgeon

2011-06-15T16:00:00.001-04:00

I have heard men tell the story of their conversion, and of their spiritual life, in such a way that my heart hath loathed them and their story, too, for they have told of their sins as if they did boast in the greatness of their crime, and they have mentioned the love of God, not with a tear of gratitude, not with the simple thanksgiving of the really humble heart, but as if they as much exalted themselves as they exalted God. Oh! when we tell the story of our own conversion, I would have it done with great sorrow, remembering what we used to be, and with great joy and gratitude, remembering how little we deserve these things. I was once preaching upon conversion and salvation, and I felt within myself, as preachers often do, that it was but dry work to tell this story, and a dull, dull tale it was to me; but, on a sudden, the thought crossed my mind, "Why, you are a poor, lost, ruined sinner yourself; tell it, tell it as you received it; begin to tell of the grace of God as you trust you feel it yourself." Why, then, my eyes began to be fountains of tears; those hearers who had nodded their heads began to brighten up, and they listened, because they were hearing something which the speaker himself felt, and which they recognized as being true to him if it was not true to them.
Can you not remember, dearly-beloved, that day of days, that best and brightest of hours, when first you saw the Lord, lost your burden, received the roll of promise, rejoiced in full salvation, and went on your way in peace? My soul can never forget that day. Dying, all but dead, diseased, pained, chained, scourged, bound in fetters of iron, in darkness and the shadow of death, Jesus appeared unto me. My eyes looked to Him; the disease was healed, the pains removed, chains were snapped, prison doors were opened, darkness gave place to light. What delight filled my soul!—what mirth, what ecstasy, what sound of music and dancing, what soarings towards Heaven, what heights and depths of ineffable delight! Scarcely ever since then have I known joys which surpassed the rapture of that first hour.—C. H. S.

Six Years

2011-06-14T10:09:00.000-04:00

Andy and I will celebrate 6 years of marriage at the end of the month. In these last six years I have grown beyond what is capable to express with words. My growth has been a direct result of the transforming, powerful work of God in me over the last 3 1/2 years. So what about the first 2 1/2 years you ask? Those years as well as the first 20 years of my life are marked by my ignorance of God. This is where another piece of my testimony comes in.

If you don't yet know, I was raised attending church. I loved going to church! But I loved church for all the wrong reasons and was completely ignorant of who God really was. Andy and I met at the church I grew up in and we didn't date until I was out of high school. We knew each other from youth group and even sang together on the youth worship team and in the youth choir, but we were just friends for about the first 6 years of knowing each other. Fast forward to the summer/fall of my graduating year and we started to "like" each other. We were cast in a Christmas musical together called The Gospel According to Scrooge and I played Belle (Scrooge's fiance) and Andy played young Scrooge when he was engaged to Belle. At our wedding ceremony 2 years later, our Pastor admitted that he cast those roles purposely, playing matchmaker! It was obvious to everyone around us that we would make a perfect couple.

Looking back on that time, I can see that the perfect Matchmaker was at work behind the scenes. Andy proposed May 15, 2004 and we set our wedding date for June 25, 2005. That day arrived after what felt like an eternity of preparation and then it was all over. We came home from our honeymoon and started our new lives together. We didn't really need to adjust to much. I looked at it as a forever slumber party with my best friend! Haha.Well, I quickly saw that marriage was not at all what the fairy tales and romance movies portrayed it to be. I was sorely disappointed and after losing my job, was at a low point. I started spending a lot of time with someone we had been acquainted with at church. Things escalated quickly and I soon found myself in an extramarital affair with this person, when that was not what I was even looking for in the first place. Surely you could ask anyone who has been involved with someone other than their spouse and they will tell you that an affair was never even a thought in their mind. But oh how easy it is to be deceived, especially when you are weak in your faith. My situation reminds me a lot of the verses from II Timothy that says: "For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions." The "them" in this verse is referring to people whose description is in the first 5 verses of this chapter (see 2 Timothy 3:1-7). I was that weak woman Paul is referring to here. It was really sad.

But as you know, and as this blog portrays, Andy and I are still married and we are growing stronger with each passing day. Our strength has only come from the Lord and we are living testimonies of His power to save, heal, restore and reconcile hearts, even today. So I write this post just to say I've learned quite a lot about what marriage really is. In Ephesians 5, you will find one of the most beautiful descriptions of God's design for the marriage covenant between a man and a woman. He instructs the wives to "submit yourselves to your your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything" (vv. 22-24). The beauty of the marriage covenant is that the wife symbolizes Christ's church and the husband symbolizes Christ, the Bridegroom. Marriage is a taste of what eternity will be with Christ, our Bridegroom in heaven.

A taste. One meager taste of the decadent vastness of our Creator's love. Wow. Just imagine what it will be like with Him forever. Brother or sister in Christ, you love Him now? Your love will be infinitely more than what you can contain once you are united with your Bridegroom in glory for all eternity. We couldn't even imagine properly what it will really be like! So husbands, "love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her" and wives, "submit to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." I must admit to you that I have the most incredible husband on the face of this earth. Andy's love for me is exactly what Paul instructs him in these verses. His love is how I can experience the love of Christ on earth while we wait to be united to our eternal Bridegroom.

You Will Never See Death

2011-06-07T11:14:00.000-04:00

You Will Never See Death

Great message from John Piper.

Been learning about death lately. Going through some uncomfortable feelings, only for Him to bring me out of them with greater confidence and trust in the surety of His promise. I know that I am His and I shall surely never taste death. Amen!

A Davastatingly Wicked Heart, Yet Righteous Still...

2011-05-25T11:36:00.000-04:00

It has been a long time coming, but I feel that now is the time to write out some honest truths and proclaim the glory of God in salvation-- deliverance from the bondage of sin's power over me.

Three and a half years ago I was unfaithful to my husband. The relationship lasted a little less than three months, but those three months of sin resulted in much pain and time needed to recover from its effects on my husband, family, friends and me. Three months of rebellion were not worth the pain and agony of beloved family members and friends to endure. I may as well have put a knife through each of their hearts-- that is how painful adultery is. Its effects trickle down through the entire family and closest of friends.

Sin is deceitful. When the human heart is hardened and apathetic, there is no telling what actions can result. Anyone can do anything. God tells Jeremiah that “ The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9). Therefore, we are capable of doing those things that we never could have ever imagined we would do. I didn't care about my husband while I was off gallivanting with this other man. I didn't care what the consequences would be. In fact, I never even thought for a moment about any consequences of my actions. That is why the author of Hebrews says not to harden your heart as the Israelites did in the wilderness when they were tested. Because sin's deceitfulness hardens the heart (see Hebrews 3:13). It is a manipulative process. Once we justify one action, we are more likely going to continue and the actions become even greater sins with more devastating effects, such as my story above.

Jesus tells us that before His return "the love of many will grow cold." Some translations even say the love of most will grow cold (see Matthew 24:12). That is a chilling statement if I can say so. A prime example of this is how many news stories we see that are making headlines. See this one for a heart-wrenching example. Our world is in a place that not many people are accepting or willing to talk about. Natural disasters abound such as tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, volcanoes, wildfires, etc., etc. It is so completely obvious to those of us who are true children of God that our redemption is near. Jesus, our glorious and most precious Shepherd will return to gather His flock. And I believe His return is even closer than we can truly imagine. I know not the day or the hour, just as Jesus foretold. Only the Father knows and He is our great King reigning on His high and lofty throne with the earth as His footstool. We can rest in His sovereignty and know that if we are His, we will not perish but have eternal life with Him.

For some this is a scary thought. For me personally I have been experiencing a lot of fear because of everything going on around me. I know I don't need to fear and I keep saying over and over again: "fear involves torment, fear involves torment, fear involves torment"(see 1 John 4:18). But if I am being transparent and real then I must admit that I do have some fear. I fear the unknown. I fear that I have not done all I am meant to do. I fear that I will not hear the words "well done good and faithful servant" from my Master. I live to please Him and it is only natural for me to fear that I have completely and utterly failed Him in this life. But what I do know is that those fears are lies. The truth is powerful and when I am able to replace those lies with the Truth of God's word, then it will set me free. So, I know I am going to be okay. I must trust in my God and I will trust in Him no matter what I see taking place all around me.

If you do not know Jesus, I plead with you today dear reader to find that He is the only way to be set free from sin ( see John 14:1-6). When we humble ourselves, admit our failure, confess our sin and cast ourselves at the mercies of God, then He will undoubtedly deliver us from sin's power, replace our heart of stone and place within us a heart of flesh filled with His Spirit. This is what He did for me. He took this heart-- the hardest of hearts-- the chief of sinners-- and filled me with His Spirit, gave me a brand new heart, opened my eyes and turned my world upside down. Now three years later, I am evermore finding that He is the only One I can hope in. He is my source of strength when I am weak, hope when I am defeated, peace in the midst of fear, joy in the midst of turmoil and rest in the midst of tumultuous unrest.

Finally, the end of my story is that it is still being written. My husband, Andy and I have found complete healing in the aftermath of the crisis we endured. And we surely have endured much. We have witnessed firsthand the power of God in healing and restoration, reconciliation and true love. Our marriage continues to grow stronger every day. We aren't perfect and never will be, but our love for each other is a most glorious display of Christ's love for His church. And I pray that people see Jesus in our marriage. I pray that His light shines evermore radiantly in us for the world to see.

I have not even scratched the surface with all that took place, but know this: the love of God is beyond what the human mind can comprehend. He took this body of death and breathed life into my lungs. I am alive because I had to die-- I had to put sin's power of death to death and I am now victorious! Only because of Christ have I been able to put sin to death in this mortal body. The power of death was defeated on the cross by Jesus and it has no hold on me! And this is why I live. To proclaim the glory of God and to see His goodness in the land of the living.

"For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." -2 Corinthians 5:21

You Shouldn't Stare...

2011-05-17T15:11:00.003-04:00

These eyes can be rather intimidating. Especially when they are directed toward you incessantly. This was the closest picture I could find that portrayed the eyes staring me down at lunch.

I met my sister and we went to lunch together. It was supposed to be a great time to be with my sister and my adorable nephew. But it turned out to be rather nerve-racking to say the least.

I walked into the restaurant and waited for my sister who was lagging behind a little bit with my nephew. I instantly noticed the woman at the table, maybe 50 feet away from me (I'm not the best at estimating distances, though. She wasn't very far away). She was staring at me. Then she got this grin on her face when she noticed that I realized her gaze was directed at me. I became a bit flustered and thoughts began racing through my mind. My heart started beating rapidly.

I ordered our food, sat down so that my back was to her. I couldn't look at her. I was overwhelmed and could barely eat at first.

I've never confronted evil verbally, but I've had a few encounters like this one, and let me tell you-- it is not a jolly good feeling. I was frightened, yet I felt the presence of God with me like never before. If it came to it, I knew I could verbally confront her. I didn't, though, thankfully. It is quite interesting that my discernment radar sky rocketed and I knew without a doubt that evil was present.

All I could think about was when Jesus confronted the demons in Scripture. James tell us that "even the demons believe-- and shudder!" I was reminded when Jesus cast out Legion from the man in Mark 5: "When Jesus was still some distance away, the man saw him, ran to meet him, and bowed low before him. With a shriek, he screamed, “Why are you interfering with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? In the name of God, I beg you, don’t torture me!For Jesus had already said to the spirit, 'Come out of the man, you evil spirit.'"

The light of Jesus dispels darkness. I know that Jesus conquered death on the cross. I know that I am His. I know that His perfect light shines brightly within me and maybe that is why the woman was so drawn to me. Maybe she wasn't purely evil in her gaze. I have high doubts about that, though.

Does anyone else have a similar experience to share?

Preserve Me As I Sit on the Shelf

2011-05-10T13:37:00.000-04:00

One Scripture that is very special to me is Psalm 40. David prays in verse 11 "Let your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve me" (NKJV). When I read this for the first time, that word preserve stood out to me. I started to think about what that word means and what do I relate to when thinking about it?

Food (of course!).

Food these days is infested with preservatives to keep it edible for the longest amount of time possible. When food is preserved, it causes the "shelf life" to have a longer chance at survival. Sometimes the shelf life of a well preserved food item will last beyond a year! That is quite interesting. While this process is well intentioned, preservatives can actually cause greater risk toward health failures.

When I think about Psalm 40:11, though, God preserves my life, not with unnatural man-made formulas, but His lovingkindness and truth. And these preservatives will lead me to a healthy spiritual life, not an unhealthy, disease-infested one. That is entirely amazing.

I'm sitting on the shelf. But His truth and lovingkindness are my preservative so that I can have the longest shelf life imaginable! I could possibly be sitting on the shelf for the next year, but I know that once He takes me off the shelf, I'll be well preserved and ready for use. And I'll also be fresh, not stale or moldy! And I think that's pretty fascinating! =)

Fallow Ground

2011-05-02T15:26:00.001-04:00

A good friend of mine just began a new exposition on Malachi. He is truly wise beyond his years and a gifted expositor. You can read his newest post here, but be sure to check out his entire site. He is consistent and true to proper biblical interpretation and sound doctrine.

As I read his post, I had my Bible open and I was reading the overview (thankful for God's gift of study Bibles!) of Malachi, which is just an introduction to the book explaining the author, theme, date, historical setting, etc. The first two sentences read: "This final book of the Old Testament is about the error of forgetting the love of God. When people forget God's love, it affects their attitudes, home, and worship" (my own emphasis). Wow. And it says further that "[t]he people's suspicion about the motives of God toward them resulted in their halfhearted response to Him. Their apathy toward God was also reflected in their relations with other people-- especially their spouses." I think this is a timely study for us as Christians in a world of terror, confusion, war, and evil arising at an intensely heightened pace. The things we are faced with are nothing new. Solomon in his wisdom says "there is nothing new under the sun."

So where exactly are you today? Has your heart grown cold and apathetic toward God who has assured you of safety, peace, comfort and love? Have your circumstances been the exact opposite of what God has spoken? I can meet you right there to say that I understand more than you know. I have just experienced what felt like a tidal wave of confusion, doubt, skepticism, distrust, and deception, that washed over me like a sudden disaster without time to prepare. I literally had to react to my circumstances with an instinct I have never before exercised. I guess it would be better suited to say that it was spiritual instinct, and not anything I could have known to do apart from walking with God.

Even though my circumstances felt like I was easily going to drown by the massive wave, God did not fail to be my refuge of safety. In fact, prior to these circumstances I had a dream. In my dream I had seen the beginning signs of a tsunami-- there was water seeping into my town and everyone was running frantically in all directions to run away from the impending disaster. I was able to flee to the top of a church's bell tower (how ironic) and there I had such perfectly divine peace and assurance of my safety. I knew without a doubt that I would be okay. And here I am today, writing to testify that God has kept me safe, just as He assured me to be. That dream was back in October. Now, 7 months later I am living in the aftermath, feeling unsure about what will come next. I don't know what to feel, what moves to take, what to look for or prepare for. And because I feel like God has been silent to me, I recognize how quickly my heart can become stagnant and apathetic. The other day I heard the word "fallow" from the Holy Spirit. I live to hear from God. Every day I'm on the edge of my seat, just waiting to hear if He'll speak to me. I don't hear Him speak specific things to me every day, but when He does speak, sometimes He will speak a specific word. In this case, I heard the word fallow. This word means:

(of land) plowed and left unseeded for a season or more; uncultivated.
not in use; inactive
to make (land) fallow for agricultural purposes

I was then led to 1 Corinthians 3, in which Paul is admonishing the Corinthians for the unfruitful sectarianism taking place. They were claiming to follow Paul or Apollos, instead of simply labeling themselves as Christ followers. Essentially in this chapter Paul is teaching them that he is only a tool in the hands of the Master Builder, Jesus, and has laid the foundation [gospel] already (vv. 10, 11). Each of us as Christians are ministers of the gospel as a part of our daily lifestyle! One person will plant the seed [gospel], and another will water the seed, yet it is always God who gives the increase and it is always the gospel that must be preached!

To put this into context with what God has spoken to me, I am His field (v. 9) and I am planting a lot of seeds, feeling seemingly uncultivated and inactive. Yet, I am at a good place of rest in the Lord. I am in a season of growth, where God has placed me to plant specific seeds that He will allow the next person to water, and then He will give the increase according to His wisdom. It is always difficult for us in the ministry to see the fruit of our harvest right away. There is "a season and a time for everything under the sun", so while I am in this season, I will rest assuredly in God's love and call over my life. I believe He has called me, but He is working on me right now. He has left this field uncultivated for a time, but is beginning to speak to me that it will soon be time to cultivate and culture the new growth that has taken place.

I'm not sure where you are today. If you are a Christian, then you most likely have experienced a bit of what I just described. If you aren't a Christian, then what are you waiting for!? Paul says "today is the day of salvation!" We must not linger in thinking that there is plenty of time to be saved. There isn't any time. Jesus is returning for His elect and will not delay. He will come unexpectedly, like "a thief in the night" and if we are wise, we will be awaiting His return with sufficient oil in our lamps. I pray today for my brotherhood in Christ-- for those who are experiencing suffering and turmoil of all kinds. Be strong my brother or sister in Christ! Be strong! For we know that our God is faithful and He will not leave us stranded, feeling like foreigners or orphans. Christ is returning for His bride and I am determined to be awake, alert and watchful; serious in my prayers for all the saints and for the completion of our task in which we have been called. Do not give up!

Praying for the Brotherhood

2011-04-28T11:59:00.004-04:00

This morning I woke up with a few Scriptures on my mind that I thought I'd share today.

Ephesians 5 (ESV) ¹⁵Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶making the best use of the time, becausethe days are evil. ¹⁷Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. ¹⁸And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, ¹⁹addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, ²⁰ giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

1 Peter 5 (ESV) ⁶ Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, ⁷ casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. ⁸ Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. ¹⁰And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ¹¹ To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

These Scriptures are good reminders to be prayerful for our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. As Peter says above, Christ's whole family of believers are all experiencing similar suffering. We must encourage one another and pray for one another that we will stand strong in these evil days. Even in Ephesians, Paul says that the "days are evil." How much more then are the days evil today as we draw ever closer to Christ's return? Therefore, arm yourselves with a spirit of prayer, thanksgiving and love for the brotherhood. May we not cease to strengthen one another in the faith and exhort one another to stand fast, holding onto Jesus. He is faithful and will indeed return for His elect!

Hebrews 10 (ESV) ¹⁹ Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, ²¹and since we have a great priest over the house of God, ²²let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. ²³ Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, ²⁵ not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Holiday Stress- Should This Be?

2011-04-22T10:26:00.000-04:00

Time to talk holidays with y'all.

How do you celebrate with your family during the holidays?

How do you create your own family traditions with your spouse and children plus balance the other family traditions of your family and your in-laws?

If I can admit something right now I'd like to be transparent about the way we celebrate holidays in our American culture and how I go against every single tide of tradition. Before I vent my frustrations, I have to say that I love my family more than I can express in words-- ALL of my family. I am married and do not have any kids yet. That said, we have my side of the family (which actually entails two sets of family: my dad and my biological mom) and Andy's side.

The major holidays we celebrate as families are what? Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving? So, three times a year doesn't sound so bad to plan and organize family time does it? Not at all! At least this is what it should be.

I will admit that I did not inherit the domestic house wife gene. I'm not apt to toil in the kitchen and serve while entertaining in my home. I just do not have that gift. My mother-in-law does have this gift. She will prepare for Christmas year round. Then weeks before the holiday, she is baking cookies, wrapping presents, decorating and worshiping God in the process! This is one act of worship to the Lord and an expression of her love for her family. This is awesome to me. My aunt is very similar and loves to serve her family this way. I love to be with my family and spending quality time with those I love is very important to me-- much more important than receiving gifts and eating a ton of food.

While the holidays are wonderful ways for us to reflect on the real meanings, for me, they become more stress producing and painful to have to try and balance spending time with everyone in my family. Tell me how this affects you. What are your experiences around the holidays with your family? I'd love some advice.

If I could, I would start a revolt against celebrating the holidays. I would love to see our hearts reformed to celebrate these holidays all year round. Why do we have to take one day to celebrate Jesus' birth and one day to celebrate His death? Why do we celebrate our thankfulness and gratitude one day out of the year? Every day should be Thanksgiving. Every day should be Christmas. And every day should be Easter.

It's All Greek To Me!

2011-04-18T14:53:00.000-04:00

I finished my Greek class yesterday. I submitted my final assignments and stayed on my school website for a little while, retracing all of my steps and making completely certain that I turned everything in correctly and on time. I guess you could even call it a teensy bit OCD. But hey, call it what you may, at least I know that I'm going to have everything done properly! Hehe.

After I finished obsessing over my assignments, I clicked "sign out" and was completely finished. Wow. I didn't even know what to think in that moment- it was all surreal for me. This class was truly the most difficult in my learning experience to date. Why? That I don't even know. It was ridiculously difficult to learn the Greek language. Even at that, after completing a course, I feel as though I just barely know the fundamentals- I can definitely recite the alphabet! As you can imagine, I found myself greatly discouraged the majority of the 7 week course. I tried really hard to see the "bright side" of what I was learning, but was overcome so many times by discouragement and thoughts that seemed to yell at me saying "What am I doing this for? There is absolutely no purpose behind this class. Nothing good could benefit from me having to take this course." Yeah, those thoughts plagued my mind a lot, but I persisted and did the best I could. The result? One tired brain that couldn't wait to be finished so I could just rest.

Am I old or something? I mean, learning takes a lot of energy, yes, but it literally sucked every ounce of energy from me for the latter half of the course. It was an experience I do not wish to duplicate. Ever. Today, in the aftermath, I am still very tired. I want to go home and sleep away the evening so I can fully recover from the weariness. I don't have much to give right now and that is okay. I know the Lord will increase my strength once again. How do I know that? Because He says He does. His word is my strength and knowing Him is my ever-increasing joy. I would love to run away and retreat to rest and be with Him. That is what I'm really longing for, but I can't do that right now. So, I wait and trust in His promise to restore me. I really need some spiritual nourishment right now and have been praying as the psalmist in Psalm 119, that He would "revive me according to [His] word" and feed me from His word because I know that I can't just be revived or energized by physical food and exercise. I'm in need of a some spiritual reviving.

I am encouraged from the Scriptures and must press on. I must complete this race. At times like this, God shows Himself even greater for me, because when I cannot exert one more ounce of physical, mental or spiritual labor, God shows me that His strength must be what I rely upon. I am so frail and feeble and weak. He is so great and strong and powerful!

Even youths will become weak and tired,
      and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
      They will soar high on wings like eagles.
   They will run and not grow weary.
      They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31

A Page From My Journal

2011-04-08T11:23:00.000-04:00

Lately I have not found much inspiration to write. I have a lot that I would love to write about, but I'm having trouble gathering my thoughts and organizing them so I can relay them. So instead, I'd like to post a page from my journal. This could be dangerous, because I am allowing myself to be completely vulnerable before anyone who reads this, but I want to share with you my own struggles and my own desires to take absolutely everything to the Lord in prayer. So, here goes nothing...

3/24/2011

Today I write in weariness—I am physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally weary. I have been exhausted with school and spiritual matters. I need you to give me wings so I may fly away and be at rest. I want to fly away and find refuge and shelter in my God who knows all things. Discouragement seeks my downfall. Pride devours my soul. Sin poisons my heart and mind. But then I look to the cross. The cross of Jesus Christ—where I can know that propitiation has been accomplished— and that Jesus took my place. God in flesh: Jesus Christ, who is my only hope for salvation. I am learning about prayer as I have so desired to be taught by you. I am learning that praying the Bible…praying Scripture over my life is more valuable than any surface, superficial, heartless prayer of complaint to your throne. What is the prayer you so desire? I desire YOU. I desire to love you and when I drink of your goodness, I instantly become thirsty again—parched and hungry for the satisfaction of just another taste of your decadence. I am finding that my joy is complete in you, my Treasure. When I fix my mind on the embodiment of who you are, I am immediately overwhelmed with joy and exceeding gratitude of your great and tender mercies. My cup overflows and I cannot contain it. You are a fountain of complete joy for your saints.

Where am I Lord? Where is my heart? What is my motive and intent to testify of your saving grace? Do I seek the attention of man? Do I hunger for acceptance in the sight of man? What is my heart? Search me O God and know my heart. Turn me from the path of the ungodly and make my feet secure on your path of life. When I see evil, help me to be wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove. I desire truth and freedom from sin. Your truth most assuredly has set me free! You are Spirit and I am dust. You are infinite in wisdom and I am feeble and merely finite—I am nothing. You are glorious and unsearchable in all your ways, yet you can see right through me and know my ways before I have knowledge myself. You are unfathomable. You are most holy and awesome God. You are my adoration and the one who upholds me, keeping my feet from stumbling. You are good and just in all your ways. Create my heart anew, my God. Work in me according to your glorious and most indefinable sanctifying power. When I am weary, you are my rest. When I am afraid, you are my shield of protection. When I am foolish, you will not allow me to be ashamed. When I am weak, you are my strength. When I am not content, you alone are my contentment—my eternal satisfaction. Make my eyes to turn away from worthless things—things of this world that are passing away. Turn my eyes toward that which is eternal in value. Turn my eyes toward your will. Cause me to be evermore devoted to fearing your holy name. Cause me to desire you and cause me to thirst for you. Cause me to seek you, O Lord, by your grace. Your grace is sufficient for me. Make me to know you. I ask that you will give me a spirit of wisdom and revelation to know you better. Open the eyes of my understanding that I may have a dripping of your divine knowledge. You will never abandon me in my time of need, O faithful One. You are beautiful beyond comprehension. There is no beauty unless it is you alone. Help me to know you and in turn teach others your truth. Help me to have feet that bring your Good News without hesitation, in boldness and courage by your Spirit. May your Spirit unveil my eyes to revelation and prophecy. I ask that I will be faithful and trustworthy to handle your word with sound doctrine and truth. I ask that you will continue to make me know confidently that which I believe so that I may boldly declare with words that are seasoned with salt by your Spirit. Be gracious, O Lord, to your servant. Do not withhold your tender mercies from me, nor take your Spirit away from me. But I pray with sincerity and honesty of heart that you will graciously open up the doors of opportunity to declare my testimony and the truth of your saving grace by the blood of Jesus Christ. Be gracious, O Lord. I desire to share your truth with everyone. Help me to have wisdom and please help me to not cast my pearls before swine. Teach me according to your word by the power of your Spirit. Teach me to grow and mature in you even when I don’t want to. Teach me to harness my emotions and have self-control, mastering my emotions instead of being controlled by them. Teach me; teach me, TEACH ME, my God!!! Only you can teach me in the way to go and only your voice will I know and retain. Silence all other voices and spirits that will try to creep in unnoticed. Oh but they cannot go unnoticed for long, nor shall they, my King; for you are the one enthroned upon this soul and you will lead me into the way of the narrow road. Please keep me in perseverance so that I may enter your judgment and hear “well done good and faithful servant.” Judge me according to my works and prove me according to your just judgment. Oh Father, you are good. Continue to squash me in humility. Break my heart over sin—make me sensitive to sin and cause me to weep over the offense against my perfect and holy God.

I am thankful that you build your family. I praise your holy name for allowing your servant to find unity in the Body of Christ. I do not wish to judge the one I cannot know fully. I do not desire to gaze upon these people and think that they will not inherit eternity. I do not want that judgment. I cannot have that judgment lest I become prideful and in turn act as God Himself. In essence that is what I am doing, Lord, is it not? Do I not play “God” when I pass judgment as I do? Oh God! I loathe this about myself. I loathe this perception. Please, oh please deliver me from this abomination. Please make me to pray as you desire me to pray—for Andy, my family, co-workers and friends alike. For all of those in my life, for there is purpose behind all of those I interact with. Oh Father, make me to be a true ambassador for your holy name. Please change me so that I can represent you well and not damage your awesome, holy and just, Righteous and powerful name. Amen.

Disobedience

2011-03-30T13:01:00.000-04:00

Recently I've been under a lot of conviction. I hate conviction and the feeling of knowing I'm doing something that God does not want me to be doing. When we ignore the voice of God it is deliberate disobedience. I recently listened to a sermon by Jonathan Fletcher called When Stricken With Guilt. Something that stood out to me is a concept he touched on using a father/child illustration:

A father was leaving for work in the morning when he said

to his son, "have a wonderful day, Mike, and don't play cricket near

the greenhouse." Well, the father returns home from work later that day

and his son does not greet him. He wonders where little Mike is and

it turns out that he did play cricket near the greenhouse and broke

a window. He was hiding from his father. In that moment was he

still his father's son? Yes! Did he enjoy being his father's son? No!

He had done wrong and knew he was going to be disciplined.

As Pastor Fletcher continues in his sermon he relates this illustration to when we sin against God and know we have done wrong. We know that we are still His. Nothing can separate us from our Father! But we cannot go on very long when we know that we are living in a manner that is sinful against Him. This is where guilt can come in, but also where we find God's great grace to lead us from our behavior and surface our disobedience. One great truth is that while God is our Father and He disciplines us and it is extremely painful (see Hebrews 12:1-17), His chastisement is brought about because of His great love and affection for us. It says in Romans that "His kindness is intended to lead you to repentance" (2:4). It is painful because we do not want to part with our sin.

My friend told me the other day about a phrase coined by a mutual friend of ours: divine amputation. I love this because this is exactly what happens when we bring our disobedience into subjection to God's will. This phrase is based on Jesus' rebuke in Matthew 5 when He teaches the people about adultery. He says "If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." Jesus isn't speaking literally, here. He wants us to recognize what causes us to stumble, remove it and move on in grace! The more we are deliberately disobedient, the greater our sin separates us from enjoying the beauty of communion with our Lord, who is our greatest Treasure.

Disobedience is not something I have struggled with much. I love Jesus so much and I desire to honor and obey Him no matter what the cost. I absolutely know without a doubt when I am being tempted and when the weakness of my flesh is showing itself strong. I am thankful for the witness of the Holy Spirit within me to reveal when I am sinning. Sometimes our sin is obvious, but other times it is not so obvious. When it is obvious to me, I am typically able to give it straight to God and He works in me to purge off the ugly dross. Sometimes our sin is not so obvious and it takes a great work of God to surface it. Well, He had surfaced something in me a few months ago that I down right ignored. I knew it was the gentle, loving, and kind conviction of the Holy Spirit to lead me to repentance, but I continued to ignore. I learned the hard way that when we ignore Him, we lose the joy of our salvation and become "hardened by the deceitfulness of sin" as the author of Hebrews states (3:13). We are still children of God as Pastor Fletcher illustrates, but we aren't enjoying Him as He has meant for us. We don't have to be afraid of conviction or guilt. God desires that we discover joy in obedience, even when it is difficult.

His New Covenant in Jesus is meant to be divine fellowship with the Creator of the universe! Our Great Jehovah-- who spoke the earth into existence-- who hangs the stars in the sky-- this God passionately pursues our hearts so we can know Him, and knowing Him is the greatest joy you could ever experience in this temporary life. Don't allow sin to trip you up and separate you from this divine joy in our Lord. But if you do, praise God that we have an Advocate with the Father-- Jesus Christ-- who has already covered our sin by His blood on the cross. He is seated at the right hand of the Father, making intercession on behalf of His saints!

Pain of Betrayal Part II

2011-03-23T15:50:00.000-04:00

My first "offensive" blog post. Well, I must say first of all that it was merely a poem of sorts that I wrote on behalf of someone going through a horrible experience. I understand the pain of betrayal and I understand a large many of the emotions that go along with it. I also have experienced the grace of God in the midst of painful and tragic circumstances-- circumstances that have left my heart scarred-- afraid to trust. Circumstances also that I myself have caused-- pain that I have inflicted upon others that resulted in their lack of ability to trust me. I may be young, but I have some life experience in my defense (not that I'm really trying to defend myself at all, because really I am not). I hope you can see that I am writing this out of love and sympathy on behalf of someone I know who is battling this pain of betrayal. In no way do I mock the gravity of the pain of someone else, because even though I have experienced similar situations, I myself cannot ever fully understand what someone else feels in response to their own experiences. Know that I sympathize lovingly. I cannot stress that enough.

The pain we experience is incredibly real. Anyone-- especially any "Christian" who tells you that your pain is not "Godly", that you are sinning and need to repent because you are angry or bitter or afraid to trust someone who betrayed you--anyone who says these things is in denial of their own life experiences. Don't get me wrong, here. Pay close attention to what I am about to say.

We will encounter painful circumstances. We will feel like we can't forgive. We will feel like things will never be the same. We will feel certain things, but in the end, those feelings will prove to be just that-- feelings. As a woman, I am particularly sensitive to feelings and emotions (not that men aren't entirely-- they just process them differently). Sometimes when I feel a certain way about a certain circumstance (or person), I will feel so strongly that my emotions could very easily deter me from reality or the possibility that there is hope to overcome. In the darkest, most painful moments of our lives, we feel like we will never be able to recover or find healing. Our clouded vision can sometimes only fix its gaze upon the circumstance directly in front of us. As humans we are sensitive-- especially when someone commits wrongdoing against us-- creating an even more heightened sensitivity. This is the reality of what we as humans encounter in life. Reality is that we will feel anger. Hatred, even. We will feel unwilling to forgive when someone wrongs us. We will feel like we cannot go on, nor even heal from the gaping wound that has so deeply lodged into our heart. That is reality and that is human.

Now for redemption! Whatever we face in life, we have the hope that is found in Jesus Christ.

To you-- the one who is facing pain right now, how does this help you? How does this help you when you are so deeply wounded? Well, the beauty of Jesus is that His death and resurrection has taken the place of what sinful humanity deserves. His death was the propitiation, the very act of satisfying the wrath of God on sinners, the great exchange of the place we should find ourselves in. This Gospel is our only way out amidst agonizing circumstances-- betrayal, deceit, manipulation, condemnation, rejection, failure; the list is unending. The reason why it is our only avenue of escape is because in the midst of our devastating circumstances, we forget that we ourselves are that sinner who deserves eternal condemnation. We ourselves are undeserving of grace of any kind-- let alone God's great saving grace. The one who has so deeply wronged you-- this one deserves God's wrath, doesn't he? Doesn't she? Don't they? Whoever it is-- whatever it is-- is freely covered in God's grace by faith in Jesus Christ.

Where do you find yourself today? I can guarantee that wherever you are-- whatever you face and regardless of pain or joy, you need Jesus to save you! He alone is our answer for all things pertaining to this life. Let us look to the cross where we will find that Jesus is our Saviour and Jesus can redeem our life from the pit and set our feet on solid ground. Only Jesus can and only Jesus has already done this for you. Will you believe on our Lord Jesus today? His deep love covers our sin and is freely given to us by His grace alone. We are so inadequate and undeserving of this beautiful gift, yet He chooses to give it-- freely. And in Him, there is redemption-- forgiveness of sin that in turn heals our wounded hearts.

Jesus heals our wounds. His stripes have healed us from what is ultimately rooted from sin (Isaiah53, verse 5). Sin is ugly and causes vast gaping wounds in our hearts, but Jesus alone can heal and free us. Take a look and read for yourself. When the adulterous woman worshiped at the feet of Jesus in Luke 7, Jesus displayed tender love and mercy toward her. She had a reputation in the town, but did Jesus not already know this? Her affection toward Him was great because of the great sins forgiven her. Jesus said "her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” It didn't matter what her reputation identified her to be, Jesus offered grace and forgiveness. You see, she was forgiven much and she knew the gravity of the offense she had committed against her God. Her knowledge of saving grace is how she responds in such great love toward Jesus. Do you know the gravity of what you have done against your God? But even more, do you know the grace and forgiveness He gives in return?

Because one person disobeyed God, many became sinners. But because one

other person obeyed God [Jesus], many will be made righteous. God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Romans 5:19-21, NLT

Pain of Betrayal

2011-03-20T14:06:00.000-04:00

You are hurting, screaming for relief.
There is no consolation from anyone, nothing to soothe the sting of betrayal.

What has she done?

Tragedy resulting in agony, anguish of your soul. The pain pierces your heart like the murder of a thousand stab wounds.

You find yourself barely breathing, desperately aching for healing. It appears that you will never recover.

How can you even look at her the same?

She admits her wrongdoing and asks for grace. How do you know it won't happen again?

You don't.

But faith tells you to forgive and give grace. Will you?

This is not easy, but if you do not, it would be as if you were merely peering into the speck of her eye and not looking at the gigantic plank in your own.

"The one without sin among you should be the first to throw at stone at her" John 8:7 HCSB.

Save Your, Saviour

2011-03-17T14:11:00.000-04:00

How about that for a title?!

This post comes to you today out of inspiration in my heart from a song entitled Save Your by Monarch. I love this song. I can't get enough of it right now. I'm not sure where the inspiration for these lyrics came from, or where he found himself in that moment of his life, but I can tell you that they reach into my soul-- a place that cannot be reached by just any song, or any thing for that matter. The melody and instrumentation...the purity of Brennan's vocal ability is beyond what I can describe and they all contribute to the response of my soul's affection. The depth this song travels within me is fascinating and I'm still trying to figure out just what it is that moves me the way it does. I may never know.

I do know that it is God, but I do not know His ways!

I am most fascinated by the power of God to use a song to speak to us-- any song, any genre, any lyric, tune or vocal. What is even more incredible to me is that it doesn't matter who the songwriter is or where they receive inspiration. God speaks through any means and He is the all encompassing power behind the scenes. How incredible is that? Wow. Ponder that for a moment.

This song is a conglomeration of meaning to me. First of all, I find myself waiting on the Lord in this season. I find myself waiting on the Lord rather often actually, so that aspect can likely speak to me in any season I find myself. The rest of the meaning must remain unexposed for a time, but I'll suffice it to say that God knows. God knows exactly what it means. He is acquainted with all my ways and He can interpret the meaning behind this song in my life.

One more thing I will say is that I have a lot of fear. God knows the fear and He is bringing it to the surface so He can deal with it His way. He sees the fear and is reaching down telling me I'll be safe. I can understand that He is my protection, but until He makes it known to me by way of transforming my heart, I do not really know that He is my protection. Does that make sense? I want to know that He is my protection and I want to know it from Him. Only He can teach me and He knows the depth of my desire to be taught by Him. He is the perfect Teacher after all. I hope you are deeply moved as I am by this song and I pray the Lord will continue to use Monarch this way.

Save Your servant, Saviour...

Words On A Page Cannot Convey What is Really in My Heart for Him...

2011-03-16T11:58:00.000-04:00

I want to go deeper but I don't know where it will take me.

In times past the pain was almost unbearable.

But to know You is all I desire,

So go ahead and cut my heart again.

Knowledge of You entails the knife,

Of Your Spirit that cuts too deep for the comfort of complacency.

Expose me for who I really am.

I already know that Your discipline incurs displeasure.

In You wisdom is found.

Unsearchable in all Your ways,

Yet intimacy is searching You out.

You enrapture my soul,

Your beauty surpasses all.

I am found in Your arms, found wanting and needing more.

You break me,

You wound me,

Then You heal and restore.

Brand new, You create.

Only You, my precious Lord.

Time To Evaluate: Where Do You Stand?*

2011-03-14T11:32:00.000-04:00

“Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds. In just a short time he will restore us, so that we may live in his presence. Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring.” Hosea 6:1-3 (NLT)

Our relationship with God should be our most cherished, unprecedented treasure as we encounter Him each day.

Do you wake up every day with Him on your mind? Is He everything to you? Do you search for Him throughout your work day, desiring to encounter Him even at work amongst your co-workers in the middle of stress and chaos?

Who is God to you? Where do you find Him? Have you ever experienced His power first hand? If not, what are you doing to change that? Are you asking to encounter Him? Do you even want to know Him?

What are you afraid of?

Do you believe He is real and at work FOR you in every detail of your life? If you believe that, then are you on the edge of your seat waiting to see what He will do next-- waiting to see His glorious power revealed in the midst of dire circumstances that make no sense to your human mind?

Do you love Him? He loved you first and His power alone can transform the heart to love Him back.

Do you want Him and only Him in this life? If you lost everything, would you find joy knowing that He is all you need in this life?

Do you come home from work, excited to pray and study God's word with your family?

Do you pray with your spouse, for your spouse and for your marriage? Do you seek God for the souls of your children?

What is your motivation to live in this life? What sets you apart from everyone else?

These are self-evaluating questions that are imperative in the life of not only a "Christian" but a worshiper of God. If He is your all, IN all - nothing else matters - then and only then will you understand what worship is. And even at that there is unfathomably more to God than you could ever contain. Worship is created by God-- He is the driving force of passion in the life of a worshiper!

So why stay the same?

Don't you want to be changed?

If you don't want to change then you are complacent and God will spit you out of His mouth. There is no middle ground. He is coming back and if you are not ALL for Him then you are against Him.

We are called to worship? Then we are called to live radically for God and be the change we want to see in others. But we can't be the change unless we ourselves are genuinely changed and spiritually reborn.

Revival begins in the heart of the individual believer radically ignited with passion for God after He has reached down, squeezed the heart, causing a glorious eruption of self and a beautiful transformation into His likeness. This transformation continues as He is exalted in the life of this new believer. Transformation does not stop at spiritual birth! Strive to be made new every day-- strive to know Him. He desires that we will know Him rather than pursue empty religious traditions. Do you know Him?

“O Israeland Judah, what should I do with you?” asks the Lord. “For your love vanishes like the morning mist and disappears like dew in the sunlight. I sent my prophets to cut you to pieces-- to slaughter you with my words, with judgments as inescapable as light. I want you to show love,not offer sacrifices. I want you to know memore than I want burnt offerings..." Hosea 6:4-6 (NLT)

Hosea by Shane and Shane

* I wrote this a few months back while I was angrily trying to understand my own intentions in worship. I am writing this just as much for myself as anyone else!

Be Still?

2011-03-13T19:36:00.000-04:00

It is so quiet in my house. I love serenity. I need serenity.

I find myself strongly desiring to retreat to be away and have time to myself. Usually when I speak of "time to myself" it is always my secret place to go deep with God. I haven't had much depth in my relationship with Him lately. I fear that it has been rather one-sided-- more me complaining to Him than anything. If I'm honest, I admit that I don't know how to get to that place. Sometimes I strive and strive and strive to seek Him in prayer and Bible study, yet other times I perceive Him to be saying to me, "just come and sit at my feet and rest, April." I don't know how to do that. I am more designed to search for Him than to sit and be still in His presence. I think that He's been trying to teach me how to do it, but I am fighting it because I love searching for Him so much. I want to sit at His feet and just stop my striving, though. I'm tired. I'm in need of a spiritual sabbatical. I feel like David did in Psalm 55 when he said,

“Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would flee far away and stay in the desert;I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.”

I know I can't do that, so instead I made some decisions in order that I may have more time to sit at His feet and just let Him speak to me. I recently decided to step away from music ministry completely. This is something I have battled with for a long time. When I initially stepped away from the worship team three years ago, I never intended it to be a lengthy sabbatical, but that is what it has turned into. I chose to involve myself with the worship team for the Bridge (our young adult gathering) and to sing with Intent, but I honestly have not felt like this is where God wants me to be. I've felt this way for at least two years. I came to the point last week where I was overwhelmed and desperately needing to make this decision. I do not mean to pass blame on anyone, but the main reason I chose to be involved at all is because Andy asked me to sing with him because he loves worshiping with me. I can't explain the gratitude I have to God for the ability to minister with Andy. Our mutual love for music and ministry drew us to each other (of course God ultimately placed us together) and I love music because of this aspect. However, music ministry is also an area God has been refining within my heart for three years. Before I actually came to know God I was involved in music ministry and it was more of a selfish involvement. I didn't know God like I know Him now. Therefore, the more I search for Him and find Him, the more the things I loved in

self-gratification are fading in light of His surpassing greatness.

I am struggling with music ministry, trying to understand His design for me in regards to singing/songwriting. I know people aren't going to understand this season. Quite honestly, I don't understand either! But if I know anything about God, I know that my obedience is what He desires over any need for me to understand the reasons behind His request. Isn't that what faith is? So in faith I am stepping down, bringing myself into submission of God's call. You see, He is my only desire. I can say with complete honesty that I don't need anything else in my life other than to know Him and fellowship with Him. I realize that is a bold statement, but that is just how much I love Him and desire to serve Him. I know it wouldn't be easy to give up everything (my house, car, computer, you name it), but I also know that my joy is complete in Christ and I don't need those things to satisfy the hunger I have. I know that these earthly possessions will never be able to fulfill my deepest need.

We have all been created this way! We all have a desire to know God- to be found in Him, love Him, serve Him and make Him our Lord. Do we all recognize that what we desire is in fact Almighty God? Sadly, no. And that sadness overtakes me sometimes, knowing that people do not know God. To experience relationship with the Creator of the world-- the One who spoke the earth into existence-- who holds the world in the hollow of His hand and throws out the stars, placing them neatly and intricately into position-- this One is unsearchable in all His ways! He is mighty in power, sovereignly weaving the world together according to the counsel of His will. His majesty enraptures my soul-- He takes my breath away. One glance at the paint in the sky as the sun sets-- one look into the crystal clear winter night sky-- one glimpse of His rainbow in remembrance of His promise-- these moments capture the radiance of His glory. For a slight moment, I can see Him and know that He is worth giving up anything-- for the sake of the glory of His name! To experience Him and know Him is the greatest gift anyone could ever receive.

[I will keep the updates coming as usual. I have no idea how long I will be away from music. I do not believe it is forever, but who knows? Only the Lord!]

Appearances Are Deceiving- Do I Run or Remain?

2011-03-10T14:04:00.000-05:00

It is fairly easy for us as Christians to believe people-- especially people who attend church and claim to have a relationship with Christ. Recently I have been experiencing a great amount of fear and lack of trust that people in "the church" are really who they claim to be. I hate to even admit this, but it helps to be real about my fears (and maybe you have experienced this too, or are experiencing it now). I cannot be anything else other than that-- real. I struggle with circumstances and other people just as much as anyone else does. It definitely does not justify my fear or my lack of trust, though, so this is where God humbles me and creates a new heart when I ask Him to do His work because I literally can't!

The thing is, I have an earnest desire to not feel this way or see people this way! I know God sees that and He is helping me in this. He is also teaching me a great deal of lessons-- mainly to cling to Him and not people, doctrine, theology, or anything else imaginable [insert situation, person or object here]. In other words, I need to learn to make God my all-encompassing, complete trust above anyone or anything else! He is teaching me this through my circumstances and I am humbled by the grace He extends to even teach me at all. I am humbled that it is God who creates this heart of mine to be pliable, desiring to grow and learn. It is His strong hand that holds my heart. He alone can receive the glory to fashion my heart after His and cause me to run toward Him instead of away from Him when encountering circumstantial obstacles. *Selah

While I strongly dislike this fear and feeling of not being able to trust, I know God is working as the Refiner of these impurities. I am thankful for the truth of who God is. His sovereignty and divine character will never disappoint me even when I feel otherwise. Sometimes I want to run from these uncomfortable situations, but what good will come of that? I can't run from everything in my life that makes me uncomfortable. While the discomfort breeds several negative emotions, God is greater than these, still. When I don't agree with someone else's methodology, I can't run from it! I must embrace the difficulty and perceive it as an opportunity for my joy to be complete in Christ Jesus.

James talks about trials in chapter one of his book on the practical "how-to's" of the Christian life. James is a difficult book for the Christian to digest because he exposes our carnal tendencies and that creates for a bit of discomfort. In chapter one he tells us to "consider it pure joy...whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance" (1:2, 3). I couldn't possibly count on two hands how many times I have heard this passage and never understood how it could be done. Seriously, now, what is our immediate response when something "bad" happens to us? We immediately react in a negative manner, right? So how can we possibly be joyful instead? Well, the only way one can achieve this is by supernatural help of the Holy Spirit in sanctification. We cannot achieve this state of mind on our own human willpower! Face it. We absolutely cannot accomplish a holy life according to Scripture without the gift of the Holy Spirit. So, while I have never been able to understand or apply this to the trials I experience, I am able to say out of a sincerely honest heart that I am able to praise God for the negative circumstances I encounter. And this brings Him glory, which is what I desire. I can confidently say that this brings God glory (and Him alone) because He alone has powerfully accomplished the work in bringing me to this place. I don't even know how to rightfully express my praise and worship to Him through these words. I am deeply awed and exceedingly humbled.

[That was a side topic that I didn't intend to weave into this post at all. Back to the topic!]

While the Lord works these things out in me, I realize that I cannot run from the people He has divinely placed in my life. These people are chosen by Him to be part of my life and I love them (truly!). I realize that I am not perfect and it is very possible for anyone in my life to think the same way about me, which would be absolutely devastating. So, I know that I must keep striving and running this race, right where I am. I must not give up or allow the enemy to back me into a corner, thinking that I would be better off on my own. This lie is easily believed, yet I can see it for the snare that it really is. So, while I am in a place of discomfort, I can meditate on the truth of God's word that tells me I can be joyful in trials because my joy is complete in Christ. I also know that because I am His chosen child, I live by faith and my faith in Christ is how I can find joy in Him and persevere under the weight of life's hardship. May He be exalted alone in all the earth!

[Side note: I am not referring to any one person in particular. I choose to be honest about how I feel because I know that I am not alone (even if other people won't admit this or be real). The people in my life who know me will understand what I mean by this post and if you would like to talk to me about this, please reach out to me! I would love to share my life with you and the circumstances I've gone through. I believe that God is in control and He will certainly teach me through these circumstances that He has caused. My deepest heart's desire is to learn and grow from all of life's circumstances and difficulties and the Lord certainly is faithful to answer that prayer and heart's desire (though these lessons are incredibly painful and humbling).]

*Selah means to pause and reflect on what was just read.

Breaking the Silence and Request for Prayer

2011-03-07T10:46:00.001-05:00

I have been silent on my blog for close to a month. I have two drafts waiting for completion of my thoughts, but I have not been able to put forth the time to complete my thoughts! I must admit that it is rather frustrating because writing is my passion. So when I need to put it on the back-burner, I get a teeny bit antsy.

Last Monday I began my second semester of 2011 -- New Testament Greek. Honestly I feel like a real student these days; memorizing verbs and nouns, sentence structure, etc., and I have been overwhelmed! Not that I haven't felt like a student in the past, but my past semesters have at least given me the opportunity to write and involve myself in other hobbies during my studies. This semester is not as gracious. My professor actually told me to consider it my penance during the Lenten season! He was joking, but even in his joking there is some validity to his statement. I love to learn. I am a fast learner. I even love to learn other languages! I studied Spanish in school for at least six years, though. Greek is only seven weeks! So as you can only imagine, I am a tad bit overwhelmed.

When I am overwhelmed, I must direct my attention to the truth. I must lean on God for His truth to enrapture my soul, instead of my anxiety to learn this language in such a short time. I find that I become even more-so dependent on Him for His strength and help. He brings this to my attention every day, reminding me that I need Him more today, right now, than I did yesterday, or even a moment ago. It is entirely humbling.

My brain was not designed to gather this much information, learn it, retain it, know it and understand it confidently in such a short amount of time. I know that I can do this, though -- not because I am confident in myself but because I am confident that the One who holds the world between His thumb and pinkie finger will sustain me, too. I literally can't do this without Him.

I can't promise myself or even think that I will ace this semester because of my own ability to understand the quirks of this language. I don't have any way of knowing I will even pass this course, let alone achieve an A! I will be happy if my professor is even gracious enough to pass me because of the effort I have made. I realize that I may be making this an even bigger problem than it really is, or should be at least. I know that my own mind is my handicap to success. So, if you could please pray for me I would greatly appreciate the prayer! My deepest desire is to learn and I know God can equip my mind to learn this language. After all, He created Greek in the first place! I just want some peace of mind so I can focus on His truth to sustain me. I know He will be faithful because He cannot deny Himself. My prayer is to delight in the hope of His faithfulness and that I will love Him even more as I depend on His strength.

I will be sure to update everyone as much as possible! Thank you for your prayerful support, my friends!

Much love,

April

Prayer?

2011-02-16T09:40:00.001-05:00

This post has been a LONG time coming. Seriously, when have I designated an entire post to prayer? I always talk about prayer, but this post is to concentrate on prayer and what that looks like to the Christian worshiper who chooses to sit at the feet of Jesus, sacrificing the things that seem more important to our culture. This post is in no way intended to exalt my perfect prayer life. In fact I am writing to you today out of a seriously long time of struggling through prayer.

Three years ago God came to me, opened my eyes, ripped out my heart of stone and planted in me a new heart - a heart filled with His love, His Spirit and the knowledge of my Savior Jesus Christ. That day I became a brand new person and suddenly had the heart of an intercessor. I didn't really understand, but I discovered the beauty of communicating with God in prayer that literally went on, unceasing for a solid 9 months straight. I have heard preachers reference the infamous "pray without ceasing" penned by Paul (1 Thessalonians 5:17), but never quite understood how one could possibly pray that way. After the Holy Spirit infiltrated my life, it was as if He came in and just took over this area of my life for me. I have the most beautiful memories of that time in my life and as I grow in Him, I find myself missing that special season when He just totally, completely, utterly came in and wrecked me by His power. So, I can say that I experienced unceasing prayer in my life for a time. So how does this continue as we walk with Him and grow? That is the question that many Christians can't understand.

Before I continue I have to say that I don't really have a simple solution to this question. I can't really say that I even have a solution at all. I can say, however, that the best way to understand this is to go to God boldly about it. Yes, we can actually pray to God about prayer! Have you even thought to do that? It's one of those things we think about and then say, "yeah, why didn't I think of that?!" Well, I didn't think of this all on my own, but as I search for God in prayer and Bible study, I realize that anything I struggle with is important to Him and He is able to help me as He sees profitable for me. One thing I have begged God for over and over again is to have that intercessory spirit of unceasing prayer again. But you know what? God hasn't given it back to me. Instead, He has been pleased to teach me how to fight through prayer. I'm not going to always be on "cloud nine" with Him in prayer. Prayer is a discipline that takes time to wield. It takes time because Paul says that "we do not know what we ought to pray for" and we don't even know how to pray without the assistance of the Holy Spirit. That is why Paul says further that "the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans" (Romans 8:26, emphasis mine). We are weak and feeble and cannot pray as we should.

This passage in Romans has confused some - particularly the verse I just referenced above. If I can shed light on this at all it will be to say that even as we abide in Jesus, we are weak because we are human flesh. We are so weak and helpless without Him that I believe He wants us to feel this way so we have no choice but to rely on Him and cling to Him continuously throughout the day. My study Bible notes on this verse point out that the weakness Paul is referring to in this context is "mental ignorance. The contrast...is between our inability to know how to pray and the effective prayers of the Spirit Himself. The emphasis indicates that the Spirit Himself prays for us. He intercedes on our behalf before the throne of God (see 1 John 2:1). But His intercession cannot be uttered, which means it is 'unexpressed, unspoken.' No language is in view here, only the inner groanings of the Spirit."

1 John 2:1 says that we have an Advocate with the Father when we sin. Jesus, our holy and perfect Advocate is the One who stands before God the Father, interceding on our behalf. One definition of advocate is "a person who pleads for or in behalf of another; intercessor." Jesus lives to make intercession for us! Even in our weakness, His power is at work, pleading for the will of God on behalf of us, His saints. When we hear messages on "how to pray" or "5 steps to take in prayer", etc., etc., it can be quite discouraging when you aren't able to maintain this routine every day. God doesn't honor our religious efforts in Bible study, or prayer. For some people, their routine works for them. They are able to wake up every morning and devote 2-3 hours in the word and prayer before the events of their day unfold. For a few, this is not religious effort, but the Spirit's leading. For others, however, it may be more legalistic. For me, I have learned to allow the Spirit to lead me in prayer. If I can't pray for something that concerns me, then I have to believe and trust God's word that even though I can't pray as I ought, the Holy Spirit is praying in me in a way that I can't interpret with words. I have to rely on God's promise that Jesus is making intercession for me and He knows where I am and how I'm feeling.

For you, Christian, know that He is praying for you and in you when you have no words to pray. We all go through different seasons and praying is no different. Sometimes we will be able to pour out our soul in words to the Lord. Other times we will not have anything to say and that is okay! God does not follow a strict pattern or routine. His ways are nowhere even close in comparison to our ways or our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). Trust the leading of the Holy Spirit in your life. His leading will never cause you to stumble. Thoughts that lead you to believe you're not "doing enough" are lies that condemn you. Go to God with those lies and let Him replace them with His truth in comfort. We must learn that we can't do anything apart from Him. We can't create strategies that define Him or confine Him to this way or that way of doing the Christian life. We will only find comfort, peace and direction in His word and through communing with His Spirit continuously.

For the Christian, read E.M. Bounds' book Power Through Prayer. I am currently reading through this book and it has been an extraordinary resource that God is using to teach me how to pray and fight through prayer. Go right now and ask God to teach you how to pray! I promise that I will too.

Strength Increasing, Sin Decreasing and Despised

2011-02-08T14:08:00.001-05:00

I am in a season of the Holy Spirit strengthening my heart. I am trying to soak it all in, embracing every moment of every day, because I know that I will again be put to the test. Right now, I am deeply thankful for where I am and for the people God has used to encourage me. As I am being strengthened, I am finding that all the things I once held dear are not at all the treasure or pearl I believed them to be. I wish I could fully explain in words what is happening in my "inner man", but all I can do is quote a few scriptures that explain it a little better.

In Colossians, Paul's prayer for the church was for spiritual wisdom, knowledge and understanding as well as strength. Read here. He also prays in a similar manner for the Ephesian church, here. These scripture passages are the best way to explain the work of the Holy Spirit in my life currently. One more that was given to me by a friend today - the same one I rediscovered just a few days ago - Psalm 138:3 "In the day when I cried out, You answered me, And made me bold with strength in my soul" (NKJV). He is strengthening me with might in my inner man, and opening the eyes of spiritual understanding as I read and crave His word. I do realize, like I said above, that this is a season of being strengthened. I am embracing it and making the most of every opportunity I have to read and study God's word. Only God can see what is in store. He knows each season of my life ahead of time because He ordains them in order to prepare me for what is coming next. Although I'm in a beautiful place of peace and strength, I must still be alert and watchful for the enemy and for the war of my flesh vs. Spirit.

Shane and Shane have a song called "Waging War." This song is about the war that wages within us between the flesh and the Spirit. When our eyes are opened to the knowledge of the truth of Jesus, we become a new creation and we are given a spiritual birth. We struggle with this war often because we begin to recognize sin for what it is. We learn to hate the sin in us as God hates sin. The beautiful truth is that after we have this new birth, we are no longer controlled by sin, but by the Spirit. This doesn't mean we won't sin, though. The liberating truth is that we are no longer slaves to sin or better stated, controlled by sin. And as we grow in our intimacy with the Lord, sin becomes as a poison to the unity we have with the Spirit. We hate it and hate ourselves. But the Holy Spirit exposes these places and provides a way out when we are tempted. Temptation is no longer as enticing as it used to be, because we are given eyes to recognize it for what it is. Knowing God intimately (through prayer and reading His word) after being born in the Spirit is the only way we will be able to squelch the temptation and escape from the danger of being controlled by sin, which leads to eternal death. We cannot overcome the fleshly urge to sin without the power of the Spirit of God to come alongside and help us. We must become ever so dependent on the Holy Spirit each moment of each day He gifts us to live. Because we live for Him and none other.

The passage that Paul speaks of losing everything in his life that he deemed valuable speaks directly to a line in this song that says "and what was once a pearl, now sand, that blows away in light of Him." If you understand this, then you will read this post and know the true beauty of the inner working of the Holy Spirit in your own life. By His power alone can we say as Paul did, that we "consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith inChrist - the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith" (Philippians 3:8-9, emphasis mine). Can you honestly say this for yourself? Can you say this from a pure heart - a heart that yearns for God and God alone? Can you say this from one who has known the riches of the new birth? Or do you have absolutely no clue what I just wrote? Don't be ignorant or deceived! I pray that you will search to find what this new birth is I am referring to (I have included some scripture references below - I encourage you to read them!).

I can't help but testify to the majesty and surpassing beauty of what God did in my heart when He reached down and breathed life into my heart. He is still reaching down and changing my heart as I learn and grow in Him. I can't live one moment of the day without testifying of His power and majesty, and the deepest desire of my heart as that YOU will know Him and be born in Him. Know that I am praying for you, reader, to know God with your heart of flesh and His Spirit, a gift from God by His grace alone. Because there is no other way to know God.

Scripture references:

Read here for scriptures on the flesh vs. Spirit battle/sinful nature.

Philippians 3:1-11

The New Covenant:

Jeremiah 31:31-40 (Check out the cross references too!)

Ezekiel 36:25-27

Ezekiel 11:18-20

New Birth:

John 3:1-15

1 Peter 1 (new birth referenced in verses 3, 23)

Scriptures related to temptation/idolatry:

1 Corinthians 10:1-22

James 1 (verses 12-15 stress temptation)

1 Timothy 6:8-10 (in context, temptation to become wealthy)

Spiritual strength:

Psalm 138:3 (read entire psalm)

Psalm 18:1-3 (entire psalm as well!)

All My Seeking

2011-02-03T12:43:00.000-05:00

Recently I had to face a harsh truth that has been difficult to swallow - but I can't get it off my mind! As difficult as it is to understand and allow this to breakthrough into my heart, God is using it to keep me hungry for Him alone. About a month ago I wrote a journal entry about how I've discovered that all of my seeking of God has hit me with the reality that I have hardly even been seeking Him at all. I promise you that while it may seem contradictory, it is just the way I have discovered that God is even greater than I could have ever imagined Him to be. This truth is beautiful when you are able to realize it with all your heart and soul and come to nothing in and of yourself, knowing that this God - this Great God - who created the heavens and the earth and all the fullness of the inhabitants in it - This God - is beyond what our mere minds could ever rationally process. This truth is the essence of beauty when you can have a slight inkling of the meaning in your heart.

1/14/11

Each day I wake up is a fresh start in overcoming the obstacles of my mind. God is lifting my life out of a pit of depression and oppression that has lasted a long time for me. I have struggled with this longer than I can remember. This morning a woman was on Focus on the Family, talking about being in depression for 6 years. I have struggled with this since high school and even before. I can’t even put a time frame on it because I’ve gone in and out; up and down for what seems like all my life. I had always struggled with apathy and lack of emotion, but then God wrecked my life and the emotional switch went on in my heart. He took out my heart of stone and replaced it with a heart of flesh and put His Spirit in me. My life has dramatically been transformed and is being transformed day after day. The love of Christ compels me to search out the treasure of His wisdom, knowledge and understanding. I wake up every day in search of this treasure that surpasses any amount of human understanding. He truly and honestly is all I want, need and desire in this life. As this yearning for Him grows stronger, He is working in me a far exceeding weight of glory that I cannot even express with mere words. My words could never fully explain the depth of the fullness of His love and mercy upon my frail human soul. I love Him with an ever increasing love that compels me to desire Him and seek Him with all my heart and strength. Even at that, I realize that my seeking is so weak and frail and feeble. For a while I believed that I had the best relationship with Jesus – far better than anyone else. Yet as I know Him more, He purges off those thoughts and sins and humbles me to the point of nothing. I am nothing in and of myself. I am nothing apart from Him – He is my source of life, love, beauty, joy, strength, and the fruit of the Spirit belong to Him as He shapes my heart to become like Him by bearing fruit worthy of His glory and honor. His Spirit is ever increasing within me! Knowledge of the Holy One is the only knowledge to search for in this life. All else is vanity and rapidly passing away. I’ve been pondering the psalm that says “there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God” and as I realize this, I come to realize that all my searching and seeking are still as not even seeking Him at all. Even though the psalmist’s words seem discouraging, it is more of a wake up call for me to recognize that even when I think I am seeking Him, all of my seeking easily surfaced pride in my heart. I am no one special. I cannot think of myself more highly than others. Yet, the Lord continues to redeem me and purge off the sin that could ensnare me by showing me that I am a seeker of Him and He does hear me, see me and I will find Him! The scriptures also encourage us to “seek Him and find Him”, to “ask, seek and knock” and to “keep asking, seeking and knocking.” So, where there is discouragement for a moment, there is evermore redemption that overcomes the discouragement. Praise God!!

This is my heart and this is where I am today. I want to know God! I can't live one moment without Him - without searching for Him. I can't explain this compulsion either, but all I know is that the Spirit of God indwells me and pulls me evermore to seek Him. I have no clue who God really is and I like to keep it that way - this mindset keeps me on the edge of my seat, waiting, hoping, searching, trusting. The deepest desire of my heart is that you will know this for yourself and find yourself in the knowledge of Jesus Christ. When you are His, you cannot run from Him. You cannot hide from Him. He pursues you with passion and earnest desire for your soul and He will have you. He will do whatever it takes to get a hold of you and consume your life with His majesty and glory.

Here are the Scriptures I referenced in my journal entry:

Romans 3:11 (but I'm including the whole section - verses 9-20)

Psalm 14:1-3

Matthew 7:7-11

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

2011-02-01T13:22:00.000-05:00

I've been reading through my archives for the past several days - remembering where I was in that moment of my writing. As I read these posts I can't help but think to myself how different I am today than I was at the time I wrote them. One of my favorite aspects to the life of a born again believer in Jesus is sanctification. This word can mean many things, but I'm referring mostly to the constant transformation that takes place in my heart as Jesus teaches me by His Spirit. This is my continual reminder that I am His and He is sanctifying me by His truth, just as Jesus prayed shortly before His death (John 17:7).

Sometimes I can tangibly feel the Spirit at work on my heart like heart surgery without the anesthetic (ouch!). Right now it is completely opposite. I am overwhelmed with love and joy, producing worship to the Lord for His beautiful work in me! He is faithful to always bring me out to a place where I can see Him working in my life. Currently He is showing me a lot of things and I'm just sitting back, spectating His mighty hand. I've experienced much adversity over the last 6 months and during that time I was doubtful that He would be faithful. Even though I doubted for but a moment, He still remains faithful despite my lack of faith in Him. Paul encourages Timothy in this very same way saying, "Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself" (2 Timothy 2:11-13). So while I was faithless, He was and will always be faithful to me. He shows me that in my feeble humanity, I will not be faithful to Him, but this does not change His affection for me. He is always gracious and proves Himself faithful to me when I begin to feel at a place of complete desperation or despair. AND He constantly comforts me in the midst of adversity, despite the seemingly impossible circumstances that are before me.

I have to ask God for forgiveness and healing from this tendency all the time. I am so wayward in my love for Him. Yet, this is where grace is given regardless of my waywardness. His grace supersedes my humanity and when I stumble, I will not be utterly cast down - for He will pick me up with His righteous right hand, set me on solid ground and say "Keep running this race, for I am not finished with you yet, my daughter." I love Him. I am His disciple, learning to love Him better - learning to trust His wisdom to lead every footstep I tread because I am His and He is mine. Nothing can take that away from me and He is making me stronger every moment of every day.

Follow Up From Yesterday

2011-01-26T14:18:00.000-05:00

I got to thinking after I wrote my post yesterday on anger and harnessing those feelings and emotions that could get me in trouble. So today, I wanted to follow up with the flip-side of that post. Another issue (if you will) I've been dealing with is passion. Not that it really is an issue. It is just something that I'm trying to balance: do I need to approach it as passion vs. emotion, or passion + emotion? I guess either way it can be a deadly formula if not balanced proportionately.

Okay, so anyone who really knows me is well aware how passionate a person I am - especially when it comes to my love for the Lord. What I struggle with the most is the feelings associated with the passion. These things aren't bad. I think I could definitely find myself in a worse situation, but here I am trying to tame my passion and harness my emotions. Everyone struggles in one way or another, right? This is a struggle for me - something I deal with about myself every single day. Passion is an expression of emotion - one that can be overwhelming to other people, which is something I don't want! So how can I find balance? I guess I'm not really looking for someone to even answer that question. This is just where I find myself - especially more-so just recently.

So these are some thoughts from my journey. I am taking one step at a time (trying to at least :) ). Even though I struggle a lot with these things, I find peace in knowing that Jesus is acquainted with all my ways - my thoughts, emotions, passions, desires. He knows them all because He created me to be this way. Read for yourself! I love who I am and I love even more that in the midst of all of this, I'm finding out more about myself and who I was created to be - my real identity. I know I have so much more to learn still. I'm thankful that God has planted me right where I am. Today I am truly understanding the meaning of Philippians 4:11-13 for my own life application.

My identity is found in Jesus who is my peace.

Anger Misunderstood

2011-01-25T15:08:00.000-05:00

I would love to share with you a few things the Lord has been teaching me right now. Andy and I had a conversation about two weeks ago that will not escape my memory. The topic: "harnessing" my emotions. I tend to get a little fired up about Jesus and the things He has done in my life as well as in the lives of some of my closest friends. So, when those things are questioned or misunderstood, I start to feel on the defensive. I see how often credibility is questioned with people who are intensely in love with Jesus. This makes my blood boil. Okay, before I say anything else I have to make sure you understand something about me. I am not a person who tends to be angry, bitter or defensive on a regular basis. In fact I am pretty much the exact opposite, and if you know me then you know this holds true. Lately I've struggled with a lot of anger. Nothing producing hatred or bitterness. Just anger. I even feel weird writing it.

Anger is a normal human emotion. We all feel it - maybe not as regularly as others, and maybe not as extreme as others - but we ALL feel it. If you were raised in a Christian home like I was, anger was always one of those emotions that was never discussed and absolutely never treated as "normal" for someone to go through. I think the reason why we were taught this way is because the Bible talks about how bad anger is (see these verses). But anger can be healthy and used for God's glory at the same time you feel like you're about to explode! That sounds like such a contradiction, but I can tell you that it is possible - I am living it currently (even today as I write I've got some anger inside just waiting to pounce on me - and you'll see why I said it that way in a moment). The misunderstanding about anger for the Christian is that it should never happen, and if it does, that you are sinning and need to repent. Granted this is valid, because anger can absolutely produce sin, then repentance would be necessary. However, that is not what I am talking about.

I'm talking about the kind of anger Jesus Himself expressed when He overturned the tables of the money changers in the temple (See: Jesus Cleanses the Temple). I guess my zeal gets the best of me sometimes, similar to David's expression in Psalm 69:9. So, Andy's advice to me was to learn how to harness those emotions - especially when they feel like they would cause me to sin. If these feelings take over, or "pounce on me" like I expressed above, then I would undoubtedly cause myself to stumble. Even at that, I know I have made a lot of mistakes because of my emotions, but God graciously picks me up again when I feel as though I have failed in this area. What is so cool is the word harness that I feel the Lord directly spoke through Andy to me. To harness something doesn't mean that you take it away or suppress it. It just means that you tame it - kind of like putting a straight jacket over my emotions, I guess :-). That is the picture I get when I think of this. Honestly, that is how strong they can be, but because I can recognize this and find a way to reach out for help, then I know I will be okay and it can and will be used for God's glory as I learn how to better harness them. This may take some time for me, but even just the realization that I need Him to help me with this is absolutely liberating!

Today I continue to learn a great deal about the Lord and myself as I "work out my salvation", according to Paul in Philippians 2:12-13. The thing about this whole working out my salvation is that it is not easy. I have wanted to give up so many times! But I recognize that I have to face the pain in order for the Lord to heal that particular area so I can move forward with Him. I never want to stay in one place. No matter how painful or uncomfortable, I know that once I face it, or even verbalize it, that I am on the road to recovery. This is how God is glorified, because He has a way of using us for the exact purpose of testifying of His power to transform us. The places we struggle in the most are usually where God will use you to help someone else - for His glory. That makes me excited!

Is TIME Your Enemy Too?

2011-01-11T10:39:00.001-05:00

I haven't blogged yet about the fact that it is a new year. Usually I take the time to reflect on the past year and write out what my goals or ideas are for the new year. This time it has been very different. I have had the chance to reflect on 2010, but it seems like 2011 just said "here I am whether you want me or not!" That is how I feel. I feel like someone is cruelly joking with me and am just waiting to hear "just kidding!" Well, that is not happening. I wrote in my journal the other day about time. Here is an excerpt from the pages of my journal:

It is hard to believe that a new year has begun. Time has no sensitivity. No grace. No understanding. Time is constant, sleepless and ignorant of humanity. I find two absolutes in this world: God and time. God is absolute and constant, loving, kind, gracious, merciful and good. Time is absolute and constant, ignorant, rude, stubborn and seemingly at war with humanity on a consistent basis. Time is an enemy of mine. Yet, how can I take this negativity and allow God’s character to transcend? It first starts with faith – even as small as a mustard seed. If my faith in the essence of God’s character conquers all of the negative characteristics of time, then I can possess a perspective contrary to my own natural human instinct of time. Time can become my companion instead of my enemy when I believe that the Inventor of time transcends it anyway! Time is YOURS, God. I ask for a new perspective and fresh outlook and mindset of time. Help me to make time my companion and friend instead of my enemy. Thank you for your goodness, Almighty God of all creation! I adore you.

So this is my prayer for 2011. I want to befriend time as God gives it to me freely. Time is a good and perfect gift from God that I must treasure. So what will I do with my time this year? First of all, I must depend on God, who is the source of my time. If time belongs to Him, than I want to hear and obey, then act on what He impresses upon me. I've already heard Him give me a few things to work on this year and I want to make the most of every opportunity I have to accomplish these goals. Unfortunately we as humans have every intention to accomplish our "goals" and "resolutions" but how often are we able to see them through and have success? Chances are not in our favor. So, what I am learning as I continue to delve deeper into God's word and prayer is that I cannot accomplish that which I set out to do because I am nothing in and of myself. So the second step is to realize that from my dependence on God I accomplish His purposes for my life by His power alone. I can't expect to have enough willpower, intellect or wisdom to achieve that which only God can achieve in me and through me.

To summarize, I have to be fully aware and alert at all times, constantly knowing that I am utterly incapable of producing anything with purpose and meaning in this life, other than by the power of the Spirit of God indwelling me. It is not in my nature to fulfill God's purposes on my own accord. I am completely and utterly, tragically, yet most incredibly incapable of success. I need the power of God at work in me like never before in all my life. So, I commit myself to Him that He would carry out to completion that which He has called me to do. I will not be held back nor will I be discouraged anymore. May the Almighty God of this infinitesimal universe be glorified and exalted above every living and nonliving creature.

Meditation Scriptures:

Psalm 19-20

Psalm 108

Proverbs 16
Philippians 2:13

She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain When She Comes - Are You Ready?

2011-01-06T13:23:00.001-05:00

Have you ever had an off the wall, random song stuck in your head that you don't want to be singing over and over in your mind for days on end? Last night I finally had to look up a song that was stuck in my head for the previous two days! It is so frustrating to have unwanted melody and lyric playing nonstop in your mind, so I hoped to rid my mind of the antagonizing tune.

What song was it, you ask?

Funny you should ask that....

I'm almost embarrassed to even admit it to you, but I will nevertheless.

The song is She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain. I know, I know. WHAT could have possibly triggered my mind to remember this song? Well, the only lyric I could remember was "She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes"... so yeah you can understand the agony - Ha! I was so frustrated last night that I did a Google search and was interested to read about the history of the song on Wikipedia. I had no idea that it was originally an Old African American Spiritual, signifying the second coming of Jesus!

I've written about this before, but the urgency continues to compel me to keep writing of the warning I can sense that Christ's return is swift. We, "The Church" are sleeping and must wake up and become more aware of the times. We have a responsibility as true, genuine Christians to "watch and pray" even though it is tempting to sleep, just like the disciples did when Jesus asked this of them in the Garden on the night He was arrested. Honestly, I believe that the enemy has been working to deceive even more cleverly and tactful as we approach the Day of Christ's return. So much of the New Testament is a warning for us to be wise, vigilant, sober, watchful and AWAKE because if we are not, we will be found sleeping. I don't know about you, but I want Jesus to find me awake and alert, being able to discern the times, heeding the warnings found in His word. We have been living in "the last days" for over 2,000 years. How much more of a great urgency then must we have to be watchful, sober and vigilant! The message of the second coming has been spoken for the last 2,000 years. It is easily understood that some "Christians" will not be ready for Christ's return because of the amount of time that has passed. It would be so easy to be discouraged and give in to the feelings of hopelessness that Christ will never return. But those feelings and thoughts are NOT truth. Meditate on God's truth and be found wanting and needing - clinging to the only hope left to grasp - the hope of Jesus Christ returning for His chosen. Don't waste one more moment thinking that you have all the time in the world because you DON'T have time. The time is NOW. You must repent and turn to Christ while there is time even right now this moment. If you continue to wait, your hope will cease. Do not wait! Do not be a fool; "eternity is a long time to be wrong." Wake up and pick up your feet. Be swift as a deer and run after Jesus with all your heart, soul and strength. He is your only hope. Don't allow the temptations and pleasures of this world deceive you by taking up your time because time has no grace. God's grace is freely given, but the hourglass is at its lowest point. Don't let the sand run out...

1 Peter 4-5 (NIV)
Romans 13:11-14 (NIV)
Book of Revelation (NIV) : "He who has an ear, let him hear"
2 Timothy 3
Matthew 24-26 (NIV)
2 Corinthians 6 (NIV)

Circumstantial Evidence in Due Time

2010-12-27T00:14:00.000-05:00

I'm not tired. I need to write.

In my last post, I explained how I felt the Lord leading me to focus on two things this upcoming year: writing a book and songwriting. So, I already began to brainstorm and I have many ideas flowing. Praise God!! I'm excited about this because for the last two years (more-so this past year) I have found myself really discouraged that the desires of my heart were not coming to fruition. If you haven't noticed yet, I am an extremely passionate person - most passionate about my personal experience with the divine, mysterious power of God. Like I said previously, I have much pent up inspiration within and so desperately need to give vent to these inspirations.

Another part of this passion is a direct result of the personal quiet time I spend with the Lord. He has instilled in me much fervor for His church and I yearn to see Him come alive in a new way amongst His body. This weekend while recounting the "Christmas story" with Andy, a few verses really stuck out to me. I can get in trouble for this because I know I'm taking the scripture out of context, but the Holy Spirit ministered to my own heart through the record of Mary's heart in scripture. After her arrival at Elizabeth's home, Mary greets Elizabeth and Elizabeth is unexpectedly filled with the Holy Spirit and prophesied "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb!" Further, she concluded by saying "Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord" (Luke 1:42, 45). As I know this prophecy is specific to Mary, I felt comforted by the fact that Mary believed what the Lord had revealed to her about the unborn child in her womb, regardless of what anyone else said to her. This prophetic word from Elizabeth was confirmation that Mary did hear from the Lord and could trust that He would fulfill that which He had revealed.

This prophecy brings me comfort because of the things the Lord has revealed to me personally. I have heard from Him and I know He will fulfill His word to me because that is who He is! One thing I've struggled with is just how His answering of my prayers and fulfilling of His word to me is unfolding in the natural circumstances of my life. Even when my circumstances seem to go against everything He has spoken to me, I have found myself at a place where I just need to cling to Him evermore. Although my circumstances aren't what I envisioned for myself, I know that my trust lies confidently in all of who He is and not in my circumstances or my own views of what His promises to me will look like. The evidence of the fulfillment of what He has spoken will come and will not delay! Even though it may tarry, and even though it looks completely foreign to what I thought it would look like, He will fulfill His promise His way and not my way.

Writing

2010-12-22T12:20:00.000-05:00

I have had writing on my mind a lot these days. The drive and passion within me to write is greater than ever before. It is so interesting. I was out with a friend last night and we were discussing this topic of writing. She is working on writing a book and I've had the desire to write a book for at least two years now. I was telling her that I never would have imagined myself being a writer, but it has always been a passion of mine. Even before I knew the Lord I kept a journal and loved to write, but my confidence was nonexistent. Now, after knowing the Lord like I have for the past three years, He has instilled an even deeper passion and motivation to write, along with a new-found confidence! I just have one small problem. Where do I even start with a book? I am ignorant of the writer's world and need some insight. So what are YOUR thoughts?

My goal is to begin brainstorming and just start writing! I feel I have a lot of pent up inspiration that just needs to be released before I go insane. As a new year lurks, I am anticipating inspiration, creativity and passion to be released in a new way. I have learned (for the last three years) that it is important to wait on the Lord for my passions to yield fruit at the appropriate time. I am ready, as I believe the Lord is giving me this release, to begin this new year by working on my book as well as songwriting. These things have been on my heart the most and I believe now is the time to begin working them out. I'm really excited, yet hesitant at the same time. I want to have the book finished by the end of 2011, but I don't want to rush it either. I am also hesitant because there are more important things that need my attention before this project. Being that I am in school as well as ministering with our band, I need to make sure the priorities stay in check and at the forefront of my mind continually. Will you pray for me as I move forward with this desire of my heart? I will need strength and wisdom to stay motivated and keep my focus. I will also need inspiration on what the Lord wants this book to be about. I trust that He will direct this effort and give me what I need to help this project succeed.

I am prepared (at least I think) to face challenges and set backs. I am ready for this to be a difficult and drawn out process. I would love for it to be easy, but I don't want my expectations to cause defeat or disappointment. Even though I have goals, I know that it is God's purpose that will prevail. No matter how many plans my heart makes, I know my steps will be directed by the Lord. So, as I make this my goal for 2011, what are some of your goals? What has the Lord laid on your heart to see come to fruition? Even if it seems like the Lord is taking f-o-r-e-v-e-r to carry out the desires He's placed in your heart, He will see to it that it is accomplished in His timing and not yours.

The vision will still happen at the appointed time.

It hurries toward its goal. It won’t be a lie.

If it’s delayed, wait for it.
It will certainly happen. It won’t be late.

-Habakkuk 2:3

Feeling Defeated

2010-12-17T15:54:00.000-05:00

Certain innumerable events have occurred in the last four months that have brought me to feel overcome by failure. Feelings suck! I have learned this lesson in the past, but feel as though my feelings and emotions are my Achilles heel. What do you do when you start to feel like you've failed at something you gave everything to accomplish? You put forth 150% and passion drove through you as if it were in your blood. How do you deal with the outcome when it is absolutely nothing you imagined it to look like?

When I experience something, my biggest desire is to learn absolutely everything imaginable from that experience. So as I experience this feeling of failure, I'm asking God the question "Lord, what can I learn from this?" I also have a lot of other questions like "what on earth are you doing right now, because I'm finding it really hard to see you at work here." I think it is important to approach God with questions like these, but I also think it's important to ask them and leave them with Him. When we hold onto the questions and let them fester, they will cause negative thoughts and in turn produce harmful attitudes and behavior - not only to ourselves, but to those we love the most. If you have any idea what I'm talking about, then you know that it is not the most incredibly joyous occasion to celebrate. In fact, it's pretty easy to feel like just giving up on the things you are most passionate about. But if you can recognize this most uncomfortable place of failure, then you can take the step to admit it and reach for help. The beauty of God is how He lavishes grace over us when we feel the most undeserving. But even when your feelings and thoughts condemn you, God is greater than these and will deliver you from them. All you have to do is ask. What a beautiful truth and how comforting it is to know He is willing to always extend grace when we are willing to let Him give it.

As I ponder this feeling - this miserable feeling of failure, I am reminded of God's grace toward David in the psalms. Two verses in particular that comfort me always when I feel defeated or that I have failed are:

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, And He delights in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the LORD upholds him with His hand.

Psalm 37:23-24

How then will we face failure head on? We recognize our feeling, admit it, then probe the throne room where we will find mercy and grace to help in our time of need. Only then can we begin to find peace and comfort, even if our circumstances haven't changed. If you have experienced a similar feeling, then my prayer for you is that you will find mercy and grace; that you will be comforted, healed and restored to fresh vision, fresh anointing and fresh faith in God alone. I pray also that we will pursue child-like faith in God again. To trust in Him without doubt; to be steadfast and immovable in our faith!!

Too much to post!!

2010-12-14T15:57:00.000-05:00

Friends, quite honestly I have had too much on my mind to find a way to post it all on here. It's funny because I struggle with dry seasons of what to write, but then when I'm inspired, I have SO much to write about that I can't narrow my thoughts down enough to make into a post!! So here are some things I've been pondering MUCH lately and I want to know what YOU think about them!

Gossip - How severely detrimental this is to the Body of Christ. It is a poison that the enemy will have a heyday with if given that foothold.
Words are powerful. What more shall I even say here?
Decisions are crucial. To know the path of life and direction you take is crucial, but even if we make a mistake God will bless us. Talk to me more about the dire nature of decision making and how has God turned around a mistake in your life?
Christmas - what traditions do you and your family uphold? What are your thoughts on decorating and putting up a Christmas tree? Have you heard of the history on Christmas trees before?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions!

Invitation from a King

2010-12-14T15:44:00.003-05:00

Many times we will hear people talk about inviting the presence of the Lord into a worship setting. I've always wondered why we do that - if God is who He says He is, then He is omnipresent and we have no need to invite Him to meet with us when in fact, He is already there and waiting for us to meet with Him.

Believers in Christ have direct access to God the Father because of the blood of Jesus Christ. What exactly does this mean? Well, I'm glad you asked!! I was searching the Scriptures a few days ago and read Hebrews 4 again. Have you read this chapter lately? The infamous section from verses 14-16 are what I have on my mind today. These three verses contain such a treasure chest of knowledge, comfort and encouragement! Knowing that Jesus was human and shared in the sufferings of this life; was tempted in every way humanly possible yet was without sin, is cause for me to stop what I'm doing, breathe and rest in the knowledge of my salvation. When the Scriptures tell me that Jesus is the atoning sacrifice for my sin and I can stand before the Father as holy and righteous because of Jesus, what more do I need to find true joy and peace? Honestly, nothing at all! I find my peace and satisfaction in knowing who Jesus is for me. I don't have complete knowledge of God, but I do know that He beholds me as His holy daughter because I am vindicated before Him through the blood of Jesus!

Therefore, when I struggle I am confident that I can take whatever struggle I have to God. Not only that but I can approach Him with boldness because His word tells me I can. Sometimes I have bold questions to ask God, so I ask them because I confidently expect God to hear me and act on my behalf. So as I read these few verses, I pondered this truth and was searching for greater depth than what I've already known. I stopped to dwell on the word come in verse 16, which is translated from the Greek as draw near. NKJV study notes on this verse says "The writer of Hebrews is expressing the openness of God's call in Christ, 'come'...boldly is the same word that is rendered confidence in 3:6 and means 'plainness of speech,' 'fearlessness,' or 'courage.' Believers should courageously approach God in prayer because His is a throne of grace, and our High Priest [Jesus] sits at His right hand interceding for us."

I am utterly fascinated by this truth! Elsewhere it says that we have "access by faith" to God the Father through Jesus (Romans 5:2). We have this access, or this ability to approach the throne of God with confidence because He invites us to do so! In other words, we don't have to worry that we're not in His presence because we have a limitless invitation into His presence solely because of Jesus Christ. In the book of Esther, Esther was afraid to enter into the king's throne room because she wasn't invited by him. Back then, the penalty was death! We don't have to fear death when we enter the throne room of the most high King, because we already have an invitation.

You Invite Me In by Meredith Andrews

Accumulation of Things in My Head...

2010-12-05T17:10:00.000-05:00

Gosh it's been a while since I've written anything out of spiritual inspiration. It's not that I haven't been spiritually inspired....I guess I've just been in a rut and maybe have writer's block? Oh well, today I'm writing just to write from what is on the top of my head.

I just finished week 6/7 in my Old Testament Studies class! I loved it! Taking these classes has brought much joy in my life. I love to study and learn God's Word and this passion is being satisfied through these online classes. I've had to put some of my other books on hold, which stinks, but I'm hoping to pick them up while I'm on break from school work.

This weekend Intent went to Greenville to play at Fresh Grounds Coffee last night. I missed this time because my sister invited me to see her perform at her high school's Madrigal Dinner, which was superb! It brought back a flood of memories from when I was involved in the same event 8 years ago. It's hard to believe that it has been 8 years since I graduated high school. Yikes!

Tonight Andy comes home and I'm not sure what we will do. There is plenty of work to be done in the house, so I'm sure we will find ourselves involved in a project with the kitchen. The cabinets are all installed, we have a new floor, new lighting and a new stove! My two most favorite aspects of the new kitchen are: a corner sink and a pantry!! I don't know which one I'm excited for more, but having a pantry is a dream fulfilled! Haha. So, I can't wait to go grocery shopping and stock up on pantry items!! I'm such a weirdo.

Well aside from the realities of life, I'm finding myself in a strange place in my relationship with God. Isn't that usual, though? For me it is, and when I come to a new level with God, what I learned on previous levels seems to be erased from my memory when encountering new tests and trials. That is the story of my life! But, after I tread the waters of difficulty, I find that in God's deliverance I am more apt to fall on my face in worship and adoration. He always, without fail, proves to be faithful in whatever circumstance I face and this time, I know He will be faithful again. Isn't it so like God to throw a curve ball and call you to obedience of a task so grand and uncomfortable that you have no choice but to obey - despite any doubt or feeling of inadequacy? And that is where I find myself today. Sometimes that curve ball is something so drastically unexpected that you don't know how to pray or feel about it, but even then God is faithful to bring you out into a broad place - a place of peace and stability in His everlasting arms of grace and unfailing love.

Beauty from ashes.

This is just what God does. He takes our filthy, disgusting garments of sin and replaces them with garments of righteousness, giving Him the praise and glory for what seemed so bleak and impossible in our own eyes. I stand (well, sit actually...) here today in awe of the beauty of my King. Each day is a chance to grow closer to Him and see who He really is, knowing that His promises are sure and absolute for every single season of life. He is faithful and that is who He is for "He cannot deny Himself" (2 Timothy 2:13).

Ever growing in grace and love,

April

A Love Letter

2010-11-22T12:16:00.001-05:00

To my One Pure Love -

I think of You all the day long.
I reminisce on when our relationship was brand new -
so fresh and luxurious!
I couldn't wait to wake up to be with You.
Sometimes I would even wake up in the middle of the night.
I would see You in my dreams and then wake up to talk with You.
I wrote You love letters every day -
I couldn't wait to tell You all about my day,
and share every detail with You!
I fell in love with You and knew for the first time ever,
what it meant to love -
how it felt and how much it revolutionized my life.

And now it is different.
My love for You still grows stronger,
yet that "new love" feeling has faded.
But as I reminisce, I realize how much You have taught me.
I have learned such divine wisdom over these last few years!
Your mysterious ways keep me yearning for more of You!
You are the only One who can satisfy my longing, aching, dry heart.

Some things have happened along the way,
that could have turned me away from You.
I find that the temptation to walk away from You is strong sometimes.
Yet I linger.
I hold onto You with hope,
because You have never left me in my desperate state.
You have never turned away from me in shame or condemnation.
You have never abandoned me.
You show Yourself faithful at every road block -
and will never let me down -
I will hope in You, my Rock and Defender.

Hey, Jude

2010-09-29T15:39:00.000-04:00

I read Jude yesterday.

I cannot stress enough the importance of being in God's word. Even when you don't feel like you're getting anything out of it, reading is a discipline that takes time to wield. Also, when you read God's word, whether or not you feel it or experience it, those words are alive and active in your soul and spirit (Hebrews 4:12-13). I pray that you and I learn this discipline! I really need discipline in my life. I'm struggling to wake up in the morning to spend that time with God...which is another blog post in and of itself! Moving on...

Ok, Jude, that's what I want to talk about.

Wow. I read this and really felt like God was warning me about something in particular. The book of Jude, in my study bible, is preceded by an overview: brief description of the book, the author/date it was written and the theme and structure. In reading the overview, it is stated that "few books in the New Testament have more to say to our generation than the Epistle of Jude." I found this interesting and was instantly intrigued to read on. This book may be distasteful for some because Jude boldly exposes the state of sin within the church. Now, I have to really stress myself here- being that Jude is closely related to the current generation and state of the world, there is much going on inside of the church than we could ever realize or fully comprehend. That said, the warning I felt hanging over me was just God saying "be careful, April, there are things taking place inside of the church today that will be exposed soon." And no I didn't verbally hear God tell me that, but that is the warning I felt as I was reading this book. And to clarify, when I say "the church", I mean as a corporate whole, not any one church particularly.

So, Jude begins the epistle by talking about "ungodly men" who have "crept in unnoticed" - these men are intermingling in fellowship with Christ's Body of believers. They are inside the church as well as "in your love feasts, while they feast with you without fear, serving only themselves." Makes me absolutely CRINGE at the thought of this. Ok, so maybe you're thinking "this has always been the case, April, are you stupid?" Or "this is nothing new to me, why are you writing about this? And why am I wasting my time even reading this?" Well, I'm glad you asked! ;)

I'm writing this - not because this is anything "new" going on in the Body; not because I am stupid or ignorant. I'm mainly writing this to warn about the severity of this to you, Christ's fellowship of believers. My main goal is to write in such a way that the light bulb will come on and illumine your discernment to this harsh reality right here and now. Friends and family of Christ - do not be deceived or surprised when these ungodly people arise out of your midst. Do not follow them or be deceived by them for they are "sensual persons, who cause divisions, not having the Spirit" (v.19). We are absolutely, undoubtedly living in the last days! Jesus IS coming soon!! Are you awake or sleeping? When Jesus returns, I certainly do not want Him to find me sleeping! Do you? I feel such a warning taking place in me regarding false prophets, false doctrines, wolves disguised as sheep and goats intermingling with sheep. This is important to hear: we will not endure the deceit unless we are rooted in the word of God and communing daily with His Spirit. His word is our FOOD. Jesus when He was tempted in the desert by the Devil said that "man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" (Matthew 4:4, cf Deuteronomy 8:3).

False prophets are running rampant today and SO MANY are flocking to them! Beware of this! Usually when the masses are running toward something, we should be running away from it! Jesus is not popular, friends. The Gospel is not popular today. We're hungry for self gratification - whatever we can find that will appease our flesh. This is NOT the Gospel! Jesus said we must deny ourselves and follow Him. If we are becoming more like Him, then we are becoming more humble, more loving, compassionate and naturally desiring to serve people. We will not be perfect as Jesus was, but we are being perfected which is a huge difference. This is our sanctification. Beware and on your guard, Christian. Be sober, vigilant and watchful in your prayers (see 1 Peter 4:7).

Grace and peace as you work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,

April

"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly areravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize themby their fruits." Matthew 7:15-20

"Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents andinnocent as doves." Matthew 10:16

Watch!!

2010-09-23T14:08:00.009-04:00

This is a follow up to my last post. Today I am feeling weak in my flesh, but strong in my spirit. I pray that we will become as watchmen on the wall for the city. May we take heed to watch out for the Day of the Lord. He is coming!

"Then they will see the Son of Man coming in the clouds

with great power and glory. And He will send His angels, and

gather togther His elect from the four winds, from the farthest part

of the earth to the farthest part of heaven"

Mark 13:26-27

We do not know when that Day will be upon us, therefore Jesus instructs us to "take heed, watch and pray" and compares His arrival to when the master of a house goes away for a while to return at an unknown time to his household. Jesus further exhorts- "watch therefore, for you do not know when the master of the house is coming - in the evening, at midnight, at the crowing of the rooster, or in the morning - lest, coming suddenly, he find you sleeping. And what I say to you, I say to all: Watch!" (Mark 13:33, 35-37).

My friends, now is the time to wake up from our slumber. We must be on our guard at all times. We find ourselves approaching the Day of the Lord! I encourage you to "lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith" (Hebrews 12:1-2, NKJV). Be encouraged! Jesus will fulfill His promise to return and gather His elect. My heart aches for those who don't know Him and for those who do know Him, but are sleeping. May this warning find lodging in your heart and awaken you seek after God. We must be sober and vigilant; watchful and serious in our prayers. We can seek Him yet while He may be found. Seek Him today! In the words of my dearly beloved brother in Christ, Paul Washer, "tarry with Him" and discover His presence in silence as you wait up on Him. His word promises that when we seek Him, we will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13)! Let Him in today and give Him free reign to carry out His will. Be strengthened and encouraged evermore, and "do not cast away your confidence...for you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise: 'For after a little while, and He who is coming will come and will not tarry' " (Hebrews 10:35-37).

I cannot stress enough the importance of prayer and seeking after God, especially in these last days. I pray that your faith may be strengthened and that the love of God will increase and compel you, for good works in Christ Jesus our Lord. He is the one who works in us to carry out these good works. I leave you with this same prayer that Paul prayed for the Ephesian church:

"...that He would grant you, according to the riches of His
glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit
in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through
faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be
able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and
length and depth and height - to know the love of Christ
which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the
fullness of God."

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly
above all that we ask or think, according to the power
that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ
Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

-Ephesians 3:16-21, NKJV

Wake up from your slumber!

2010-09-16T12:58:00.016-04:00

I am feeling ever strengthened in my spirit-man as I read God's Word. I am learning so much on the dire importance and desperate need I have, in my compulsion to be fed by the Word of God. We must eat up God's Word now more than ever, beloved brothers and sisters in Christ! I have such an urgency in my spirit-man to proclaim the truth of Jesus Christ! Now, more than ever, we must be retaining Scripture. We must abide in Christ Jesus, in the knowledge and understanding of who He is. Do you know Him? I pray, dear soul, that the Lord be gracious to impute His power to you in understanding the truth of His Gospel. May His light shine out of the darkness of this age and regenerate your spirit in the knowledge of who He is!

We must wake up from our sleep!! We must be ready for the Day of the Lord! God's wrath is upon us and if we are not alive to the knowledge of Jesus Christ, our salvation, then we will die in our sins and be cast into the Lake of Fire for all eternity. Listen to Jesus' words taken from John 8:

"I told you that youwould die in your sins, for unless you believe that I am he you will die in your sins." So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

I read also today from Romans 13:11-14:

"Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

We are at the threshold of the glory of God. We are also at the threshold of the wrath of God. Brothers and sisters in Christ: be strong and steadfast in the Word of God. Let us put on love more and more for each other; let us encourage and exhort one another to persevere in these last days. We will receive our inheritance as we persevere through the darkness of this age. Let us be fastened to the Word of God and cling ever so tightly to the One who holds onto our inheritance. This race can be won! Get up and fight for the truth! May we hear "well done, good and faithful servant" on that Day when we see our beautiful Saviour face-to-face.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy,he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 1 Peter 1:3-5

Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again,not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for "All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever." And this wordis the good news that was preached to you. 1 Peter 1:22-25

Grace, peace and mercy be upon you in our Lord Jesus Christ.

* All scripture quotations from the English Standard Version (ESV)

Feeling Weak?

2010-08-30T12:54:00.016-04:00

Today I want to share something encouraging with you. I have been pretty drained - emotionally, mentally, physically, for the last several weeks. I am desperate for some real rest. Are you feeling weak or weary? Are you feeling inadequate or like you can't overcome a weakness that continues to push you down? This is exactly how I have been feeling and it's been a task for me to do normal, every day activities. I am certain that I have only been able to get through these last few weeks by the power and grace of God.

I am continually reminded that my feelings and emotions are not what I should rely on. It is so hard to not rely on them, though, especially when it seems that their strength and pull are more powerful than I can contain. Do you know what I am talking about? Well, you might be wondering how I am able to overcome myself and that is a good question. Quite frankly, the only answer I have to that is by the grace of God's constant hand of protection over me. Sometimes I don't know how I can make it through one full day, other than the underlying truth of God's promises at the forefront of my mind. But you know what? This is where God wants us to be when we have surrendered our lives to His purposes. He wants us to feel weak because then we have no choice but to rely on His strength! It isn't easy, but I would rather Him be strong for me than pretend like I am strong in and of myself. Pretending to be strong by putting on a facade will only lead me to the point of complete burnout and possibly even more detrimental effects.

The Lord has been ministering to me in reading about Paul's "thorn" from 2 Corinthians 12. I realize that this scripture is referenced a lot, even to the point of excess. Nevertheless, I want to share this because I have found comfort and solace in Paul's description of his experience. I have learned a lot by Paul's example and although I may not be experiencing the same "thorn" as he did, I still have my own "thorn" in comparison (which I will not disclose...for now anyway! Hey, Paul didn't either...just sayin...). All we see from the context of scripture is that Paul was inflicted with this "thorn" in his flesh in order to keep him from becoming prideful. Paul was seeing visions and revelations by being taken into the third heaven, and was going from one city to the next declaring the gospel. It would have been easy for him to grow a "big head" from all of these supernatural abilities. God knew this about Paul, so he allowed Satan to afflict him and would not take it away even after Paul pleaded to God three times that He remove it. The reason was to keep Paul humble in order that he might accomplish God's purpose for his life. Paul was able to come to the place where he could "take pleasure" in his weaknesses and boast that God is solely responsible for any strength he may appear to have.

I may not have visions and revelations or boldness like Paul did to preach the gospel, but I know that I'm being used by God somehow- and only He knows the full extent of that use. God has a calling over my life that I have only understood on minuscule levels. But if I desire to obey God and carry out His purpose, I have to be reliant on Him with my whole life. I can't even slightly give myself credit because it is NOT me, but God IN me that carries out any kind of ability that I may appear to have. I feel utterly weak, but with the almighty power of God residing in me, I am strong only because of HIM! And I say all of this because: #1 it helps me to understand my feelings and #2 I pray that you are encouraged as well! Know that I understand weakness, even more than this post depicts, and you are not alone. You are not alone because there are other people who can relate; nor are you alone because our God is always with you! If you are His child, then He will not abandon you. Even when you feel weak, helpless and like you can't go on, He is your ever present help in trouble. Sometimes He will pick you up and carry you, but sometimes He will allow you to grow through the struggle in order that you will recognize your utter dependence on Him. Don't give up when you "feel" like you can't take another step forward. Remember that your feelings will deceive you and if you are truly a child of the Almighty King of Kings, then the power of God within you will not let you down. He is always faithful! Keep running the race!

A little encouragement goes a long way!!

2010-08-24T14:43:00.004-04:00

Lately I've really been struggling with inspiration to write on my blog. I just haven't felt up to writing very much. It's very strange. I know we all go through different seasons of life, but for me, writing has been a consistent passion as long as I can remember. And lately I have been at a loss for what to write about! Today a very kind brother in Christ encouraged me to continue writing this blog. Even though I might not "feel" inspired, I know there is always something to write about and God is always at work in my life! There is never a dull moment because Christ resides in me!

But, I wanted to say a great big THANK YOU to my brother in Christ for encouraging me. A little bit of encouragement truly goes a long, long way in someone's present circumstances. It could be the means to help someone build their faith; or it could be that last piece of the puzzle in determining the course of action that will be pursued next. How has someone encouraged you today or recently?

Uncertainty

2010-08-16T10:23:00.015-04:00

At times I wonder if anyone ever reads what I write. I guess it truly doesn't matter because I have an overwhelming compulsion to write for God, but sometimes it helps to know someone out there is reading. Nevertheless, I will continue to write for God, whom I know is reading :-D!

I have missed writing so much. Life has been too hectic this summer and I just miss writing, journaling and connecting with God the way I used to in the past. I am at a different place and it is not entirely uncomfortable, but it isn't the most comfortable place either. I am indifferent about this season. Yet I know that I am in the palms of God's hands, so I need not worry. Where do you find yourself today?

Recently we have encountered some obstacles in our decision making and we are desperately seeking guidance from the Lord. I feel as though we are approaching a sort-of "crossroads" in our life and we don't want to make any rash decisions that will lead us astray from God's direction. I realize the importance of making a decision when faced with a hurdle that I know I can jump, but feels risky. Do I take the risk and achieve the goal, or do I hesitate and wait until I "feel" better about the jump? Sometimes we have to just jump and not look back. Other times we do need to wait until we're more prepared to make the plunge. I'm sort of in limbo between these two choices right now. I'm thinking that we still have a little more preparation before making the plunge, but I'm uncertain. Uncertainty can lead to doubt, which can further lead to fear and ultimately, failure to make the right decision. Although uncertainty can cause these feelings to well up inside of us, and although these feelings are in every way normal to experience, I have learned my lesson in making a decision because I "feel" a certain way. Although I may be a little afraid because of the unknown and uncertain future, I am standing with both feet firmly planted and rooted on my Rock, Jesus Christ. I will proclaim without hesitation that He is my Source and I look to Him for all things pertaining to this life. He is not visible to my human eye, but His presence is a tangible absolute that surrounds me at all times. I don't always physically "feel" His presence, but He has a way of always revealing Himself in innumerably unfathomable ways.

So at this present time we are rooted deeply in His truth to guide us. Jesus speaks in John 10 of His role as Shepherd to His sheep. He says that His true sheep will hear His voice, will know that it is Him and will not follow the voice of a stranger because the sheep know the Shepherd's voice. Andy and I are two sheep desperately awaiting to hear our Shepherd's voice. Although we hear a lot of other voices around us, we will not respond to them because they are not our Shepherd. We are proclaiming that we trust our God to reveal Himself to us and lead us down the right path! We know that He will!

If you find yourself in a similar place, know that you are not alone. And know that if you believe in Jesus and experience fellowship with Him that you are one of His sheep! Trust Him to lead you down the right road. He will not fail you. EVER.

Much love, April n Andy

Updates!

2010-07-08T21:24:00.008-04:00

I have been meaning to write for a while but have been pretty busy in my first three weeks of classes. So much has been going on! I will attempt to bring you up to date with everything...

- First and foremost I am taking two classes in my first semester of the Theology and Ministry program at Sterling College. I am loving every minute! These past three weeks have not passed without some stress and struggles in balancing the weight of the class work on top of my every day active lifestyle. I realized before I started the school work that I would have to make some sacrifices, but actually being in the midst of those sacrifices is really difficult! I miss my friends and family a lot. I've been getting to know my house a lot better, though! My dining room table in particular. :) And Tucker is loving my presence and being out of his cage. I am about half way through the first semester and I'm taking the class work one step at a time, keeping the schedule and assignments at the top of my to-do list. After school work comes my husband and family. I want to apologize if I have been distant - it is not on purpose, I promise! I so appreciate the support of my closest friends and family who are completely 100% backing me up in this endeavor. I love and cherish you all more than you could possibly know. Thank you for your patience as I put my studies first right now. What is amazing to me is that I have felt the presence of the Lord so close to me at the present season. I've been able to spend much time with Him because my classes are Christ-centered. It is a huge blessing!

- Secondly, I have been so inspired to just encourage any of my readers to persevere under the weight of any trials, tests or temptations that may come your way right now. One thing that God has been teaching me about right now is that when a test or temptation comes my way, to stand fast in my faith in God, trusting Him to hold me and keep me from stumbling. Instead of running from the circumstance, I am learning to resist the enemy and stand firm on my foundation, Christ Jesus, my Rock! I can tangibly feel the Spirit working inside of me to build my character and shape my heart, making me more like the woman He already sees me as. I am awestruck at this season in my relationship with Him. He continues to amaze me and hold me ever so tightly. He will never let me go. But I must hold fast to the confession of my faith and persevere under the weight of the struggles that I'm faced with. I don't choose these struggles, but God allows me to go through them so that He can refine me and build my character. I am reminded of two scriptures referring to this season of my life:

Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh, and having a High Priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:19-23

For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross. And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight— if indeed you continue in the faith, grounded and steadfast, and are not moved away from the hope of the gospel which you heard, which was preached to every creature under heaven, of which I, Paul, became a minister. Colossians 1:19-23

Lastly, as I have been pondering beauty over the past few weeks, I have concluded and hold to God as the truest depiction of beauty in this life. He is more beautiful to me each day - as I grow closer to Him and as His Spirit works inside of me to mold and shape my character. He is the most beautiful above anything or anyone that holds this quality. There is no beauty - in creation or in human form that could even remotely be compared to the beauty of God. My life is a worship song of love to Him. What He is doing inside of me to refine me by convicting me of sin, teaching me, humbling me; this is beautiful to me. His beauty is on display and I am seeing this more and more every day. When I am at the beach and wake up early to witness the sun rise above the vast, calm ocean waters; even this pales in comparison to the beauty of God Himself in all of His majesty. Don't get me wrong...I absolutely LOVE to wake up early at the beach to experience the sun rise over the ocean! But it only gives me a tiny taste of God's beauty. Even after coming to this conclusion, I am not satisfied in my determination!! Stay tuned for more on this topic in the near future.

XoXo

April

Beauty - in the eye of the beholder?

2010-06-21T21:11:00.006-04:00

I've been pondering beauty a lot lately. Where does it derive from? What does it mean? What constitutes beauty in our culture? In other cultures? And mostly - what is the true meaning of beauty amidst these ever growing, ever changing cultural attributes that supposedly define the human race?

I am not a philosopher or intellectual learned in studying or researching and eating, sleeping or drinking book after book on philosophical reasoning. But I am an ordinary woman with an extraordinary God who speaks to me on occasion. Tonight while I was out for an evening jog, I was having a rough time with my run. It was just an "off" night for me. I was getting frustrated when the song Oh Lord You're Beautiful came on my iPod. I've heard this song countless times and recently have been more apathetic towards the words because it has been so redundant to me. But tonight I listened with different ears and I began to fully grasp the meaning of the song. The lyrics to the verse are as follows:

Oh Lord You're beautiful

Your face is all I seek
And when Your eyes are on this child
Your grace abounds to me

Tonight these words really spoke loud and clear. Beauty in the fullness of its truest definition is God. He is: the essence, depiction, display, majesty and glory of what we will never fully grasp to be the truth about real beauty. Since this has been in the forefront of my mind lately I have been trying to do a word study on beauty. A few definitions I've come across, that have stood out to me are:

(These are all definitions of beauty on dictionary.com: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/beauty)

Here are a couple paragraphs taken from wikipedia.org: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauty

The characterization of a person as “beautiful”, whether on an individual basis or by community consensus, is often based on some combination of Inner Beauty, which includes psychological factors such as personality, intelligence, grace, politeness, charisma, integrity, congruence and elegance, and Outer Beauty, (i.e. physical attractiveness) which includes physical factors, such as health, youthfulness, facial symmetry, averageness, and complexion.

Standards of beauty are always evolving, based on what a culture considers valuable. Historical paintings show a wide range of different standards for beauty. However, humans who are relatively young, with smooth skin, well-proportioned bodies, and regular features, have traditionally been considered to be the most beautiful throughout history.

These are all interesting, but I was still unsatisfied!! I am interested in what the Bible has to say on this topic. So, I am going to pause for now and write my next post on scriptures that I find while I continue my study. But in the meantime, I'm interested in what YOU have to say about beauty. Let me know!

Refreshing

2010-06-17T09:26:00.012-04:00

It's been too long since my last post.

A lot has happened to change me over the last month and a half. These changes are good and I'm thankful that I am right where I am supposed to be. I will be starting online classes to complete my BA in Theology and Ministry - beginning Monday! I'm so excited to learn more and more about the word of God. And for once in my life a big decision like this one has not been shaken in the midst of my insecurities and hesitations about this endeavor. I am at complete peace that this is what I am meant to do right now at this point in my life. I'm nervous, scared, anxious and excited all at once! I don't know what awaits me over the next two and a half years, but the anticipation of the unknown is a rush of emotions flowing through me like I imagine it would be to skydive for the first time! I've been out of school for six years which doesn't seem that long as a number, but it feels like forever.

This next chapter in my life is preceded by a great feeling of refreshing. I can't even express in words how much God has done in me to prepare me for this new season of my life. And when I look back to see how far I've grown, I know that had I not gone through the struggles leading up to this point, I would not be ready to embark on this new journey. I am thankful. Peaceful. Grateful. Humbled.

- Thankful to God for the rough patches in my life that have shaped more of my character.
- Peaceful, knowing that I am right where I am supposed to be.
- Grateful to God for giving me strength to press on and remain under the weight of the pressures of life - not to run from them, but to embrace them, learn from them and grow as a result of them.
- Humbled by the process of learning and realizing that I have a long, long, long way to go.

So as I write this post, where are you on this journey of life?

My hope and prayer is that you will discover the sanctifying power of God's work, which is a constant growing, learning, humbling and stretching of our character. But in the end, it will be worth it all to see our Saviour in all of His power, majesty, splendor and glory!

2010-05-04T15:24:00.003-04:00

To follow up with my previous posting, I just want to update you on where I stand with everything that I've been learning recently.

I don't even know how to word this.

I am afraid.

Afraid that my dreams will never come true.
Afraid that God really wants me to do something else, other than sing.
Afraid that going back to school is the wrong decision.

I've been hearing a lot of stories lately of how God has been using people in amazing ways. But the way He's using these people is not the way that they ever would have thought He would use them. In fact, He's actually called them to something else other than what they had always dreamed they would do. Examples: JJ Heller is a Christian music artist who always dreamed she would play basketball. Instead, God placed her in Christian music. Natalie Grant never wanted to sing; she wanted to be a teacher. So I'm just afraid that my dreams of singing and music are not what God really wants for me.

I've heard it all. And the most common cliche that I hear is "God would never give you a gift and not have you use it." I know that I am using the gift God has given me for Him. I'm not using it as much as I have in the past, but I'm still using it for Him. But I feel like my dreams of traveling and singing are not at all what God wants for me. It's scary to think that and it's hard for me to accept it because I'm just processing how to let go of these dreams and hold onto the Dream Giver.

I'm not there yet. I feel like there is still a lot more that God needs to accomplish inside of me before I can completely let go of this particular dream and trust that God has better for me than what I could ever dream up for myself.

In conclusion, I'm a work in progress. I'm still learning all about this life I am living and about how to live it out so that I am solely desiring to please God and not my own selfish desires. I am planning to begin school in June. I'm taking it one day at a time. I am learning to trust God, to yield my entire being to His care and His will.

Prideful Me

2010-04-27T15:55:00.017-04:00

The last post I wrote I talked about my relationship with the Lord being like a ladder, with new levels each step up I take. Well I realized then that I had begun a new level so I must have taken a step up the ladder. Now over a month later it feels like I took a giant leap up that ladder. This level I'm on with the Lord is entirely new territory; unchartered waters. I've know that. I've known that when I move up a level that it is fresh surface. New soil. That it would be different than anything I've experienced with the Lord before because it's a brand new turn on the road of my life.

This time has been a different level of difficulty than before. I have also known that as well. I have learned that with each new level comes new everything. New experiences, feelings, fears, tests, etc. But with each new experience I feel as though I am not prepared for it, even though I just learned how to handle the test on the previous level. It's like I have to re-learn the practical steps and how-to's for each new level. So this level I'm learning a lot and I'm re-learning a lot too. And I'm learning a lot about myself in the process. The most difficult part of this stage is that I'm learning about some areas of my heart that I'm not too comfortable talking about with my Christian brothers and sisters let alone facing them head on with the God who sees right through me anyway. For me one of the most uncomfortable topics is pride. You know, it's that elephant in the room that everyone can see but no one wants to talk about. It's easily avoided for me.
I've always thought that I managed to go unscathed when it came to pride in my heart. When I think of pride the first thing that comes to my mind is of one who thinks highly of themselves, you know, that person who looks in the mirror and talks to themselves about how amazing they are. And I don't do that, so I automatically cross off pride on the list of big sins, right? Unfortunately, I'm realizing that this thought pattern is all wrong. What else is new?! Seems like the story of my life these days...

Pastor Stepp preached on pride last Sunday in reference to King Belshazzar from Daniel 5. And his message approached the pride I always knew of...the one that I thought I was clear of. But then he also talked about another kind of pride that made me feel like an utter idiot. And I couldn't walk away from this definition because I knew that it had my name written all over it. I wanted to just walk out of that service as if I had heard nothing that made my stomach turn, but I had to confront it.

I realized that morning that I was being convicted of a certain pride in my aspirations and dreams for my future. Two years ago when I was radically changed, I discovered a lot of new dreams and passions I didn't realize I had inside of me. These new passions were the direct result of how God gripped me and miraculously healed me in a lot of areas. So I gained some new passions and desires along with holding onto the only passion I've ever had in my life...singing. Singing was and is the one thing I escape to. Music in general had always been my means of escape. But I'm learning a lot about how passionate of a person I am when it comes to these things. And I'm learning that I've had such a strong passion for them that it became an unhealthy passion, to where I was clinging to these dreams instead of clinging to the One who birthed these dreams in my heart.

And so it comes to this: pride can be "a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or ones position or character" and this is what I've been doing with my dreams. It's like I have felt that God owes me my dreams because of who I am and who I continually become every day. And why can't I have them NOW, GOD??? If these dreams are from you, then where are they and why aren't they unfolding? I've had such a tight grip on the dream itself that I've lost who I am right now and where I am right now. I've lost sight of my ultimate passion in this life - God. This is tough for me to be transparent about because now you know exactly where I am. But for anyone reading this that may understand what I'm talking about; even if you have a surface level understanding of what I'm talking about, then this is for you so that you can know and not feel like you're alone. I hate that I have pride. I hate to admit that at all. And for me to admit that to you is pretty scary. It puts me in a place of complete vulnerability. So I'm trusting that as I write this, there are some of you that need to hear this and take your own pride into account. Don't delay. Repent of the pride within (or any sin) and ask God to create a clean heart inside of you, a heart that is soft and pliable to His correction so that you can confront the sin and repent of it. It's not easy to undergo this conviction of sin. In fact it's pretty painful and humiliating. BUT afterwards you are liberated and freed from the bondage it had over you! And God forgets about it. God spoke these words through the prophet Jeremiah: "But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people...For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more" (Jeremiah 31:33-34) What a fascinating truth to ponder.

Don't allow sin to fester. The bible says in James 1:14-15, "But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death." Sin is nothing to be trifled with. Don't give in. You will be rewarded when you overcome the temptation. Look to God for His help to expose the sinful places of your heart, even the places you don't know about. He will faithfully transform you into a new person as you allow Him to work in you. Let Him do the work. It's more than worth it in the end.

Stay tuned for part two coming soon!

Swimming

2010-03-18T13:04:00.013-04:00

I wanted to share with you how the Lord has been speaking to me. Just recently I began my transition to a new level in my relationship with God. I'm not sure about you, but if you're seeking the Lord it says in his word that you will find him when you search for him with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13). It also says that God's will is to sanctify you by the truth which is his word (John 17:17). Sanctification is the process by which God carries out his powerful transformation in your life from day to day. When he enlightens you by the truth of his word, there is still so much more of his power and glory that he desires to unfold in your life- but he reveals it to you little by little. He longs to bring you healing in the areas you need. He longs to reveal himself to you. He longs to give you wisdom and knowledge that are found in his word. He longs to draw you closer and closer to himself, digging deeper and deeper into the places of your heart that need to be exposed. What I described is all God's will in sanctifying you while you're in relationship with him on this earth. Sanctification is the preparation process for eternity with the Father.

With that said, I would like to explain further using two comparisons in how I believe the Lord is sanctifying me and using different levels to grow my strength and character. First, I like to compare the different 'levels' I take with the Lord to a ladder - when you start out with God you're on the first step of the ladder, then with each level you move up, you're taking a step up the ladder. Remember in the Old Testament when Jacob dreamed of a ladder that reached to heaven? Well, if that helps, you can think of it that way! Secondly, I liken my relationship with God to swimming. It's funny that God gave me this comparison because I am not a swimmer at all! I can swim, but I only swim for my leisure. Before I take a step up on my ladder with the Lord, I find myself in a transition stage. This is the time when I feel like I'm just treading water, bobbing up and down, waiting for the next level to begin. Sometimes this transition period is a couple of days, other times it can be weeks or months before I begin experiencing what God has for me on the new level. At this time, instead of treading water, I begin to swim taking simple strokes. Then it starts to pick up as trials come or something occurs and it feels like I'm in a race, like Michael Phelps in the Olympics. Then I'm going so fast and being pounded by the water until I reach the point where I can't keep my head above the water and I feel like I'm going to drown. And it is at this phase of the level that the Lord rescues me - in his faithfulness and love, lifting me out and setting me on dry, solid ground. Usually right before I'm lifted out, the Lord will expose an area of sin in my life that I need to repent of and teach me to yield to him in obedience and surrender. Then the process begins again with transitioning to the next level.

I love how the Lord has given me these two comparisons because I am such a picture person! It helps me to use pictures so that I can understand better and apply it personally to my life. I hope this helps you to understand that when it feels like you're about to sink, God will always be there to lift you out and set you on dry ground. I don't know where you are today - if you're in the middle of a trial, or if you're doing fine. We will all undergo trials that seem like a tidal wave about to pull us under, but God is faithful to rescue you right before the wave crashes over you. In the midst of the storm, it is hard to see that the sun will shine again; and there have even been times when I didn't think God would rescue me. But he always does. ALWAYS. Run to him today! He is waiting for you with loving arms open wide. He is waiting and willing to meet you right at the place that you are in. Regardless of where you are, what you've done and how you feel. He will rescue you and turn your life upside down. HE is so awesome.

The importance of uncomfortability

2010-03-04T15:18:00.007-05:00

I've been thinking so much lately about how much I miss the beginning stages of my relationship with the Lord when He first laid hold of me, gripping my heart by His power and majesty. I think often about that one day when He turned my world upside down and how He continues to do so as I seek Him day by day. It's been over two years since He began that transforming work in me. What I love about God is that He has given me incredible nuggets of truth, keeping me connected with Him during each season of my life in these past two + years of getting to know Him. One thing He has been speaking to me a lot lately is that I can't always be on a "spiritual high", living off of the emotion of that. The best way I can explain it is by comparing my relationship with God to marriage.

I love my husband. I don't deserve him. He is my gift from God and I take that very seriously. When Andy and I first started dating, we both knew pretty much instantaneously that we would be married. When we got engaged we were all googly eyed and pretty much in our own world- just the two of us. Well, we've been married now going on 5 years (June will be 5 years!) and I must say that marriage is not at all what I had pictured it to be like in my head. I guess no amount of pre-marital counseling can really give you enough to take with you into your marriage. During the first stages of our love I could feel my love for Andy, but as the years go on I have realized that those feelings don't really stick around like they did through our engagement and into our first year of marriage. Love, in the most truthful definition of it is something that I am passionate about. I love Andy SO MUCH. And there are days when I can actually feel those emotions and then there are days when I'm just going off of what I know I have felt and my committment to love him until "death do us part." Andy and I got married and went to Disney World on our honeymoon (which was a blast!), and then we came home and began to live our lives together as a couple. We've actually gone through a lot in the first 5 years, but I am thankful that we are where we are today. And it is only by the grace of God.

So the Lord has been speaking to me about this with my relationship with Him. When He first changed me it was as if I was on my honeymoon with Him. I just fell so in love with Him and couldn't stop praying and reading His word (that was my googly-eyed season :-P). As the days go by and as I continue to learn what He teaches me, I realize that I'm not always going to stay in that "honeymoon" season with Him. I'm going to grow in my relationship and become more knowledgeable, wiser and gain more understanding of His ways as I continue to seek Him out every day of my life. I miss those beginning months SO MUCH, but I can't even begin to tell you how much I've learned over the course of the last two + years in seeking God to know Him more and to love Him deeper and deeper. Wow...it's just cool for me to write all this out because I've just been feeling so weird in my relationship lately...I'm always uncomfortable...which is another thing that God has been pointing out to me. When I get comfortable with where I am in my spiritual journey, then that is a sign that I'm not growing or learning from Him and that my relationship has taken a step backwards. But, when I am uncomfortable, I realize that I am learning so much and that He is growing me, giving me deep nuggets of truth to hold onto and taking the scripture from 2 Peter 1:5-8 and putting it to practice in my life.

"But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

So this is my prayer for you today: That you may be neither unfruitful or barren in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus, adding these qualities to your life to grow deeper in the things of God. May you know Him and the power of His resurrection.

Love and blessings, April

The Christian Calling: Holiness

2010-03-03T14:11:00.006-05:00

I was led to this INDepth study page in my Bible today by reading a portion of scripture in 1 Peter 2, and thought I'd share it on my blog. I am writing this word for word with what is written in my Bible- the NKJV Study Bible (all scripture references are found in 1 Peter):

Writing to believers in Christ who were experiencing extreme persecution at the hands of a pagan culture, Peter advocated holy living. Seven times in Peter's first letter, we find the word holy (hagios in Greek) used in reference to conduct or behavior. And even when the word is not explicitly used, pure conduct is called for again and again.

Holy implies sacredness, being consecrated to God, or being worthy of God. In order to qualify for this label, a person or thing has to be free from impurity. There can be no hint of moral pollution or spiritual defilement. To be holy is to be free from anything that would offend a perfect God.

This state may seem impossible to achieve. After all, how can imperfect, fallen creatures like ourselves live up to the command to "be holy in all [our] conduct" (1:15)? The answer is found in the opening sentence of Peter's letter. Sanctification, the process by which we are made holy, is "of the Spirit" (1:2). The Holy Spirit of God, who indwells us at the moment of salvation, is able to transform us. By the power of the Spirit we find the ability to "abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul" (2:11). As we yield ourselves to God, and as we soberly and vigilantly resist the devil (5:9) and all his temptations, we will find that God is able to "perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle" us (5:10).

Holy living should be our goal not merely because God commands it, but also because it befits our true identity. In Christ we are no longer citizens of a sinful world, but the "people of God" (2:10). We are "sojourners and pilgrims" in this world, on our way to our true home, which is heaven (2:11).

Furthermore, holiness serves an evangelistic purpose. It is a "holy nation" and "special people" who are able to "proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light" (2:9). It is our "honorable" conduct and "good works" that cause evildoers to glorify God (2:12).

Finally, Peter speaks of the day when we will stand before God and give an account for the way we have lived. Those who have maintained a lifelong fear (reverence) of God resulting in holy living will be best prepared for that day of reckoning (1:17).

Awesome, God.

2010-02-22T15:45:00.005-05:00

I am deeply, passionately, immovably, inexpressibly in love with the Almighty Creator of the universe. Yes, I am in love with God. Do you know how I feel? I would love to know who else in this great big world can concur with how greatly they are in love with our Precious God. Our miracle working God. Our perfect God. Our God who is the uncreated One, the I Am that I Am, the One who ALONE holds the world in the palm of His hand. Do you know this God that I am speaking about? This is the God that I know. This God has uprooted my life from the pit of hell. Literally lifted me out of the dark and placed me into His light- He opened my eyes to His majesty and His power. No I have never seen God with my eyes, but His power and His presence has gripped me to the point of no return. I will never, ever, ever in a bazillion trillion million years go back to the person I was before I found myself in the loving arms of the One who arrested my soul and ripped out my heart of flesh, replacing it with His heart of love. These things I desribe are not physical, tangible experiences- no God did not literally rip out my human heart. But figuratively, yes He did indeed. He has transformed every fiber of my being and I know who I am and where I am headed in this life, because of the impact He has had on me. The purpose of my life is to testify of His greatness and love and His pursuit for your heart to be turned over to Him. He loves you and is relentlessly pursuing you.

On Monday I had one of the most fascinating experiences with the Lord and He has been so obviously showing me how much He loves me. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what happened that day. All I can say is that God is awesome. He is the only One that can be described as such. We use that word a lot these days and I think that because of our flippant use of that word, we don't understand just how great our God really is. Let me put it this way- the definition of the word awe is: an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful,or the like.

When we use the word awesome to describe a feeling or something that is the direct result of what we are experiencing in that very moment, can we honestly say that we are having the feelings of awe that are mentioned above? Am I overwhelmed by reverence at what I just called "awesome?" I must admit- this is a word that I continuously take out of context when presented with the real definition. Just yesterday I was with a friend at Chipotle (Mexican Restaurant) and one of the guys working there came and asked how everything was and I said "it's awesome, thank you!" And then afterwards I caught myself and I thought- did my food just make me overwhelmed with reverence or admiration because the food itself was grand, sublime or extremely powerful? No, absolutely not! So from now on, I will be vigilant in my usage of the word awesome and make sure I know that what I am describing as awesome truly is awesome.

Worship

2010-02-02T11:36:00.000-05:00

Worship

What does worship mean to you? This new year God has been speaking to me a lot about worship and what it really means to me in my life. It’s funny because I have been singing on the church platform since I was in 6th grade and singing on a worship team since junior high school. Worship through music has been a part of my life since before I could remember. But I haven’t always known what worship was all about. As I grow in my relationship with the Lord, His love captures my heart through His word, through the relationships in my life and many other avenues. This year the Lord has put a newfound focus of worship in my heart to seek out how to live my life as a worship song unto Him, daily. Worship is not all about music. I know that this is mentioned often in the church, but do we really understand this? I know for myself that I haven’t really grasped this concept yet. But God is revealing to me little by little what He means through Jesus’ words in John 4:23, “But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way.” The notes in my study Bible on this verse say “Christ makes worship a matter of the heart. Truth is what is in harmony with the nature and will of God. It is the opposite of all that is false. Here the truth is specifically the worship of God through Jesus Christ. The issue is not where a person worships, but how and whom.”

I love how they explain this verse! Worship is a heart matter, not a religious tradition. This is something that I am learning and God is teaching me through reading His word and other books on worship. Right now I’m reading Extravagant Worship by Darlene Zschech. God is using this book to change my life and inspire me to worship Him no matter what. I recommend you read it! As 2010 has quickly appeared and the first month is already gone, I want to spend the rest of this year seeking God in worship. And I want this to continue into the rest of my life as I grow closer to Him and as He takes me deeper into His heart. Andy and I are launching a Bible study on living a life of worship on February 9th at our home. We are welcoming anyone who is hungry and thirsty for more of God to come and learn with us what worship is all about in our daily living. Even if you are not able to come to our study, our prayer is that you will seek after God with all your heart and soul and make a choice to do so this year in 2010 and beyond. Go after God. Seek Him with all your heart and you will find Him- His word tells us so! Love and blessing in Christ Jesus our Lord, April

Struggling with Temptation

2010-01-14T12:29:00.007-05:00

Flesh cannot be overcome BY flesh. The flesh can ONLY be overcome by the Spirit. In Gethsemane, Jesus asked the disciples to pray and watch and not be overcome by the temptation to sleep. He said, "watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak"(Mark 14:38). The same goes for us when we are tempted. Watch and pray lest you fall- for no one is immune to temptation. The flesh is weak, but with the Spirit of God IN you, you are able to withstand temptation.

In my study bible, the notes on this verse say: Avoiding temptation demands constant vigilance, so much so that Christ included this admonition in the prayer He taught the disciples (Matt. 6:13; Luke 11:4). The dichotomy between Spirit and flesh is real. Our fallen human nature, even after conversion, wars against the work of God.

This is so important to know and understand as you are walking out each day of your life. When you recognize a certain area that you struggle with and desire to make it better, it is impossible to better yourself by yourself. There are so many scriptures I can give that point out the battle between our flesh and the Spirit- a few are: 2 Corinthians 10:3-6, Galatians 5:17-26, Ephesians 6:10-20(Armor of God). These are good scriptures to start with and meditate on while you're struggling with a temptation of any kind- whether it be impure thoughts/motives, actions, words, etc. We all struggle in one way or another. It's best to admit whatever it is you struggle with to God- put it out on the table to Him and let HIM overcome that in you rather than you trying to do it on your own.

Ok, so I'm all in favor of transparency. Lately I've been struggling with certain thoughts/motives that I know are not in accordance with God's character. I know that these thoughts could produce sin in my life if I dwell on them. Today as I was praying about this, the Lord really gave me the revelation of how I can't possibly overcome these thoughts on my own with my own strength. So I went to the scriptures and read Philippians 4:8-9. Paul writes to the church in saying, "...Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you (NLT). After I read these verses, I realized that all of these things that Paul encourages us to dwell on are characteristics of God. God is: Truth, Nobility, Just, Pure, Lovely, Good. God makes up all of these qualities and so much more. So when we desire to dwell on Him and on His characteristics, He will give us the strength to do so and it also says that we will have the peace of God with us. I pray that whatever it is you are struggling with today- that you take it directly to God and ask for His help. My desire is that you come to the realization that you can't fix yourself and that you desperately need His help. He has done this for me so many times...and I know that any time I admit my struggles to Him that He will be faithful to deliver me from them as I come to Him in humility, seeking His power to help me. May the God of peace fill your whole being as you go to Him for help and dwell on who He is. Be blessed, Andy & April

What is your gift?

2010-01-11T13:00:00.002-05:00

I have a study bible and there is an "INDepth" article about the music of the Psalms between Psalm 33 and 34. I just wanted to share a portion of it with you:

The Psalms present a balanced picture of the use of music in worship. In particular, the first three verses of Ps. 33 are instructive. As v. 1 suggests, the purpose of godly music is to rejoice in the God who has given us new life. As the psalmist notes with his directive to the "righteous", this type of praise can come only from those who have been cleansed by God's grace and renewed by His Spirit. Indeed the psalmist describes this praise from the righteous as "beautiful", for God enjoys receiving praise from His people. For this reason, worshipful music is always directed "to Him"(vv. 2,3). That is, God is always the audience for the music performed in His name.

I was really encouraged by this because my gift is singing/musical ability. What is your gifting/talent or ability? I know that this article describes worshiping God through music, but this also applies to worshiping God with the ability God has given uniquely to you! That could be dancing, drawing, writing, it could be any number of things that I can't come up with off the top of my head right now! You are uniquely designed by the Creator of the universe- He knows all about you. He knows more about you than you even know yourself. So He knows what abilities He's given you. He longs for you to use those to worship Him and honor Him with. It says in Psalm 33:1 that our praise is "beautiful" to Him! Isn't that incredible to know? It doesn't matter what anyone else around you thinks of your gift or ability. ALL that matters is what the Creator of the universe thinks, and He thinks that your gifts are beautiful.

For me, this was incredibly encouraging because it's something that I've always had the head knowledge of, but today as I was actually reading the scripture, I was hit with the revelation of what it means to really worship God with my gifts, to glorify Him and sing to Him and Him alone. He has cleansed me by His grace and I have been renewed by His Spirit. So what is my response to this? To rejoice in Him through the gift of singing that God has given to me; to worship Him with all of my heart and sing skillfully to Him who is more than worthy of my worship for all He has done for me! I hope this encourages you to go deeper with God in the gifts He has given to you. May you give those gifts back to Him so He can use them how He desires to use in you. Love in Christ, April & Andy

Turn Over A New Leaf

2009-12-28T12:53:00.014-05:00

You've heard it before, but what does it really mean? The English idiom Turn over a new leaf means to: "Make a fresh start, change one's conduct or attitude for the better[...]This expression alludes to turning the page of a book to a new page." Come on...you can look it up too...just google it ;-) .

This year for some reason (maybe because 2009 was the most difficult year of my life to date...) I am really excited to celebrate the new year. I am looking forward to turning over a new leaf...to turning the page over to a new chapter in the book of my life. I think I am more excited because I am not the author of this book. And quite honestly I am thankful that I'm not the author! If I were, then I'm sure that 2009 would have looked a lot different to me and I wouldn't have learned what I learned through the seasons of testing and trial. Looking back I faced some really difficult seasons- some seasons within those seasons, even, that were certainly challenging to say the least. Just a few minutes ago I was pondering this past year. I was thinking about where I have come from and how far I have come (I started tearing up even because if it weren't for God turning my life upside down, inside out, I would not even be writing this right now). Without the testing and seasons of trial I would not be where I am today spiritually. The past two years of my life have been opposite of each other: 2008 was my year of transformation and mountain top experience with God; 2009 was my year of desolation in the desert of my walk with the Lord. I could have very easily given up on God altogether, but I chose to walk with Him despite the circumstances I faced. If I had chosen to give up, I don't even know where I would be right now. I'm thankful for the stronghold of the Lord over me that outweighs the attempts of the Enemy to place his stronghold over me.

I would encourage you to take some time out and ponder the past year of your life. Are you satisfied with where you are? Mentally, emotionally, physically? What kinds of changes would you like to make in your life for 2010? I am bound and determined to let 2009 be in the past and move forward to 2010 seeking God's best for my life! I hope that you are encouraged to be just as determined as I am to see change in your life in this upcoming new year. My prayer for you is that 2010 will be the best year for your life, yet! I pray that you will experience the power of God firsthand bringing you joy, peace, love and success in all you do! May you seek to grow and better yourself by turning over that new leaf. We will have have different leaves to turn over. What is yours?

Love and blessings, April & Andy

You have a CHOICE. What will you choose?

2009-11-24T14:16:00.004-05:00

Where are you today? Are you depressed? Apathetic? Lost?

Are you searching for fulfillment, finding it for a moment and then going back to your feelings of depression or apathy? Sure there are ways to be fulfilled, but how long will it really last? Is it really worth it to lose yourself at the bottom of the bottle and wake up to find that you have no idea where you are? Is it really worth it to experiment with how far you can go to get a "rush" or a "high" and then at the end of the day feel completely empty? Is it worth it to know that you are in need of help, but choose to continue to try and fix yourself? How long will that last? HOW LONG??

I am here today to tell you that you can find yourself and become brand new. Do you know how to do that? I didn't for a long time. I grew up in church, had the truth right in front of my eyes for my whole life. But I chose to be hardened to what I knew and allowed bitterness and resentment to breed apathy in my soul. Do you know what it feels like to not feel at all? Have you ever been there? Have you ever been in the place of utter apathy, or complete lack of emotion? Or have your circumstances desensitized you, making you just "accept" where you are? If anyone knows about these feelings (or lack there of I should say) it's me. I've tasted for a little while what it would be like to live without emotion. No matter what I did or tried telling myself to do, I couldn't feel and I didn't even care. Apathy was a disease that spread rapidly through me. I knew exactly what was going on, but I didn't want a cure for it. After going on like this for several months, things finally started to hit me when I realized the pain I had caused my husband, family and close friends. And they didn't "hit" me without an action that caused me to wake up. I found myself in my sister's living room surrounded by my family, feeling....completely alone. I realized in that moment that I needed to get myself some help. This is not a normal human reaction and I was beginning to admit I had a problem. The very next day I was at the very bottom of the lowest part of the pit I had dug myself. I had nowhere else to turn to but God. In that moment of weakness and vulnerability, paired with the knowledge that I needed help and didn't know where to get it, I cried out to God- literally cried out. If I couldn't find help anywhere else, I sure hoped that God could help me and He did. He heard me loud and clear. Man, did He HEAR me!! This day is still very fuzzy to me, but in that moment of crying out to Him in desperation, God gripped my heart in such a powerful way that I instantaneously fell on my face before Him (I was in my car- so I didn't literally fall on my face, but boy did I feel like I was). My heart in that moment awakened and I could feel again- it was as if I was dead and brought back to life again. Only this time, I knew that I wasn't the me that I used to be.

You see, when God changes you there is nothing in the world that you could compare that to. And that is why it's difficult to put into words what He did in me that day. But I want you to grasp one thing if nothing else: Jesus Christ is the Son of God. He humbly came to earth in human form so that He could save our souls and show us love. Are you in need of love today? I sure am! The only love that will make you feel alive is the love of the One, True, Living God. I will never be the same because God has awakened me to His love. My deepest heart's desire is that you will experience His love in a powerful, gripping way, just like I did. You can't experience that without allowing Him to change you and awaken you, though. What He did in me was the result of me opening up to Him- admitting that I needed help, and surrendering my whole self to Him. I didn't know what I was doing, but that was all God needed for me to do to give Him the "go" to come down and sweep me off my feet.

In explaining this transformation to the Corinthian church Paul tells them, "Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them"(2 Corinthians 5:14,15 NLT). This dying to my old life is exactly what I felt that day. I realized then and there that God had changed me to serve Him and live for Him and not for myself. Transformation is in incredible experience and I am so thankful to God for doing what He did to grip my heart and wake me up. I will never be who I used to be, nor do I ever want to go back to that life. This new life is not easy, but it is so very worth every ounce of difficulty so that others can hear and believe in God and His power. Will you believe today? The bible says that it is by the grace of God that He saves us, but it is conditioned on our faith (see Ephesians 2:8). We have to believe that Jesus is who He says He is. Will you take that baby step today and allow yourself to believe? Even if it's just a little bit...go ahead....try it....I dare you.....

May the grace of God fill your minds with peace, knowing that He is so very close and waiting on you to take that tiny baby step of faith. Much love, April

True love- God's way

2009-09-17T13:28:00.004-04:00

God's definition of true love is sending His only Son to pay the price for our sins. Jesus died on the cross to make atonement (Atonement:The reconciliation of God and humans brought about by the redemptive life and death of Jesus) for our sins. Do you get me? Are you following me here? The meaning of love comes from the fact that Jesus sacrificed His life for us- for sinners. We are so undeserving of this and yet He loves us anyway- so much so, that He died in order that we would be able to gain eternal life by believing that He is the Son of God. It is as simple as that. Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us,

and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if

anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet

closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed

and in truth. 1 John 3:16-18

If the answer is yes, then we can learn that from the verses above, we have the opportunity to know the love of God and put it to use. The way that we can "lay down our lives for the brothers" is by sharing what we do have in this life with the Body of Christ in need- not just with words, but with our actions. In my NKJV study bible, the commentary on this passage of scripture says, "Believers can lay down their lives for fellow believers by giving some of their livelihood to those who are in need. By giving our material possessions to others, we can demonstrate the same type of self-sacrificial love that Christ demonstrated on the Cross." This is challenging to me because I know that there are so many people who are in need, right inside the walls of the church, that I can be showing God's love to. I don't necessarily have wealth or many worldly possessions to give, but I'm sure that if I sought God enough about this, He would be able to reveal what it is that I have to offer. I hope this challenges you as a believer to seek God for what He would show that you can do to demonstrate His love to a fellow believer in need today.

If the answer is no, then let me know. I'd love to answer any questions or pray with you about whatever your need could be. I definitely don't have all the answers to life's ups and downs, ins and outs, but I do know the One who can help. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. If you don't know Him or haven't experienced His love, I would love to pray for you or with you so that you can be transformed by His amazing love. Life is hard, yes. Life is unfair at times, yes. Life is painful at times, yes. But the reason Jesus came to earth in human form is so that we could know Him and experience life in abundance. I pray that you will begin to have the desire to know who Jesus is.

May the Lord's blessings abundantly overflow in your life as you seek Him! Love, ApRiL n AnDy

Resting in God

2009-09-02T12:52:00.006-04:00

Today I have been at the most incredible peace I have had thus far in my walk with the Lord. I know He has great things in order. Yesterday I was directed to 2 Peter 1:1-11, which the Lord used to speak to me so clearly! At the beginning of August, I was given direction from the Lord to let go of all resources that I trusted on in gaining insight on the path to the Lord. I started out at the beginning of 2008 looking for God anywhere I could possibly find Him- books, email subscriptions, online articles, facebook, oh goodness, you name it I looked for God there! I suddenly was so fed up with where I was at with God that I just knew I needed to take a time out from everything that was weighing me down in my email, unsubscribe to all of those emails and just take time to sit down with my bible and journal. After that day, I have just learned to depend on God to be my one and only Source to go to for direction.

This passage talks about how to grow in our faith. A portion of this scripture says, "...add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, to brotherly kindness love." (2 Peter 1:5-7)

These 7 steps of growth are how the Lord is jump starting this new level in relationship with Him:

Virtue means= moral excellence; goodness; righteousness.
Knowledge= gaining wisdom from the scriptures and putting them into action in my life.
Self-control= mastering one's emotions rather than being controlled by them(NKJV study bible, p.2130).
Perseverance= viewing all circumstances as coming from the hand of a loving Father who is in control of all things is the secret of perseverance(NKJV study bible, p.2130).
Godliness= continually being aware of God's presence; living for God and not ourselves.
Brotherly kindness= loving and serving the brotherhood.
Love= This love comes from God and reaches beyond the brotherhood to anyone, anywhere, seeking that person's highest good- even at a cost to ourselves(NKJV study bible, p.2130).

I don't know how or where to even start, but this new stage in my life will begin with these 7 fruits of growth in my faith. Whatever that looks like, I know God will lead me as I continue to seek Him and give Him the rightful first place position in my life. I encourage you to begin by searching for God! Pray and ask Him where you can find Him. He will lead you by divine power and give you strength to keep on searching for Him. Always seek the truth. The truth is found in God's word.

Now that I am at this new place, I have such peace and rest in God! More-so than I ever have before! Don't you want that!?? Go after HIM! What are you waiting for? Go! Go now!!

Blessings and love in Christ! April & Andy

Moving Forward

2009-08-28T15:15:00.002-04:00

This is a very timely song in my life right now. It seems like all over the place people are beginning the next chapter in their lives. So are we! So we'll see what God has in store! Be blessed! --A & A--

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PilfgFt-S4

Seek the LORD!!!

2009-08-20T12:16:00.006-04:00

I was just reading the scripture reading for the day on biblegateway.com and I couldn't even get past the first few verses in Psalm 105!

Oh give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wondrous works! Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD REJOICE!! SEEK the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually! Psalm 105:1-4(emphasis mine)

The psalmist really wants us to get the message here to seek the Lord! The word seek was mentioned 3 times in these 4 verses! Notice that the first thing the psalmist encourages us to do is to give thanks to the Lord. All throughout scripture- Old Testament and New, we are instructed to thank the Lord for what He has done in our lives. To me the beginning of this psalm is a response to what God had done in the life of this psalmist, and he is just telling of God's wondrous works! What an example for us in our own lives- to give thanks, make known the deeds of the Lord, to sing praise to Him, to tell of His wondrous works, to glory in his holy name and to seek Him. So this isn't such a shabby way to fuel your energy for the rest of the day! If you get time, just read over these verses as much as you can- maybe even write them down on a note card and allow them to penetrate deep into your heart and be embedded in your mind. Memorize scripture as much as you can so as to "hide Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You"(Psalm 119: 11).

So what are you waiting for? GO READ!!!! :)

Randomness

2009-08-19T15:18:00.005-04:00

It's Wednesday. It just poured outside and I don't have my umbrella with me. I sure hope that the rain will stop before I leave in 40 minutes...

Today I've gotten all my work done and I'm just pondering things in my mind....not really sure if there is any substance to my pondering, but just pondering. It's hard to keep our minds clear of dwelling on circumstances in our lives.....but God somehow really helps me in that area. So I'm just thinking about Him and reading the word for a soaking of knowledge and wisdom. It is absolutely more than necessary to fill myself with the word as much as I can to keep me in step with His righteousness and standard of living.

For the past two weeks I've "fasted" if you will, from facebook. It was a distraction and becoming too much of an addiction, so I quit cold turkey. I'm not sure when I'll be back on......

Tonight we're going to the Pirate game with Jesse and Meghan and Marty and Jess! Fun times...even though we're not really concerned about the Pirates since they're the ONLY Pittsburgh team that have consistently let us down. Blah. Hopefully it won't be raining tonight!!! Lord, please clear the skies for a beautiful night at the stadium :)

What else is going on......well just continuing to persevere in the faith. Life is certainly not boring with Jesus to guide us. He is remarkable and more than worthy of our praise and worship.

Andy and I are going to Orlando soon for vacation! I'm sooooo excited!! We will be down there the week of Labor Day, staying at our timeshare for the first time ever since we purchased it in 2005 on our honeymoon! So I'm SUPER ecstatic! We are both in need of rest and restoration of body, soul and spirit! So please keep us in prayer for the Lord's favor as we fly, rent a car and stay in our vacation villa. We are so blessed and I am thankful every day for the gifts He has given us in this life.

I was thinking about thankfulness today. My heart was softened this morning as I drove into work thinking about the gifts and blessings the Lord has bestowed on us. I am overwhelmed by His love and care for His children. He is the ultimate Father. Thank You precious Savior for Your love and mercy toward us when we are not deserving of it at all.

Father, I thank You so much for all that You are, all that You do and most of all for loving me and desiring to have a relationship with me. Thank You for transforming my life for Your glory and honor. Without You I don't know where I would be in this life. I am absolutely nothing without You in me to lead, guide, direct, advise and discipline me in all things. You are so beautiful to me...more and more each day I recognize how much I need you and long to know You more. I love You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength! May Your name be forever praised and exalted to the end of the age.